• Welcome to SanctionedSuicide, a pro-choice forum for the discussion of mental illness and suicide. Please read our rules and our Principles.
    If you are in need of immediate support, please call the Samaritans hotline at (877) 870-4673, or check our recovery resources.

  • If you haven't yet, we highly encourage you to check out our Recovery Resources thread!
disillusionment

disillusionment

Member
Joined
Oct 22, 2020
Messages
42
So I'm in a really bad place right now mentally and emotionally. I recently heard about sliding scale therapy which sounds like it could help because I have a low income. However, I heard that they are only doing virtual therapy now due to covid. I can't picture that working for me because my apartment has paper thin walls and I don't feel comfortable talking about my feelings (and no doubt crying) with all my neighbours listening in. I don't have anywhere else I could do it either. I guess this could just be a dumb excuse but I really don't want to air all my business with neighbours listening because I have a bad relationship with some of them. So I guess I'm just wondering if I should give therapy a shot when things are opened up. I've been too overwhelmed to contact any places and even ask what's available. Part of me is really scared that 1) it will be a huge waste of time and money (especially when money is one of my main causes of problems right now), 2) talking about my feelings might make me feel way worse and push me over the edge. Right now I'm sorta keeping my shit together but I don't know if I can do that after ripping apart old wounds in front of a stranger... The third fear is that I'm scared I won't stick with it because I have trouble sticking to anything long term.

I went for counselling in the past but nothing long term. I did not find it helpful but at the time I honestly wasn't really willing to try. I was miserable but yet addicted to the misery and didn't think anything could ever change anyway. Some counsellors were also pretty terrible. One male counsellor said to me "you're a pretty girl, just make some friends, smile, get a boyfriend and you'll be happy" like what?? I have mental illnesses. But I feel more willing to try again now because I'm sick of it all and feel like I can't take living like this anymore. But I also feel like what if this is a waste of money and time. I'm working on something that I hope will make me money but that takes time, energy and focus.

I also feel like I don't really have a lot of faith in mental health professionals. I never felt like I was really listened to or understood, and they just immediately prescribed medication. Then I was on the waiting list for 10 months to speak to a professional. I was in a crisis and they just gave me medication, sent me on my way and I waited 10 months before getting to speak to anyone and that wasn't even face to face (this was way before covid). And after all that waiting, it wasn't beneficial. I also feel like I've been diagnosed things I don't have. I was diagnosed with borderline personality (among other things) and recently I discovered what C-PTSD is and that it is often mistaken for borderline personality. Learning about C-PTSD, a lightbulb went off in my head and I was like wow this is me. So all this time I had been diagnosed with the wrong thing. So it makes me lose faith because what if I go in and am diagnosed with a bunch of stuff I don't have and they don't diagnose me with what I actually do have.

Have your experiences with therapy been helpful? How many sessions or how long do you think it took for therapy to help you? Can therapy alone cure mental illnesses? I don't want to take medication. I have in the past and didn't like it.
 
Boochky

Boochky

Fat, bipolar, and hairy. (Sorry boys, I’m taken.)
Joined
Feb 23, 2019
Messages
333
So a therapist can't prescribe meds, at least in the US.

If all they did was push pills at you, the likelihood of a misdiagnosis is real. Although, from what I know of BPD (and I'm no expert) it may be that you'd be likely not to accept it, but that's true of things like bipolar too.

I searched for sliding scale text therapy which would eliminate the sound issue and found this: https://paindoctor.com/free-therapy-online/

You may be able to do a deeper dive and find a better option. I don't know if text would even work for you though.

Do you have a car you can hang out in? That's what I used to do.

As far as therapy experience, I've been going over 30 years and my results have varied, but most of it was positive. I even had one who saw me for years for free, answered texts, and was really kind. She retired and I asked her why she kept seeing me and she said that if someone was brought to the emergency room and needed care, there was a duty to care. Obviously, this is not the norm, but I've found most people really care and, especially recently, the training is improving. If I do CTB, I'll probably send my remaining money to her TBH.

It's also going to depend somewhat on where you are. I was in a somewhat enlightened area and since I've moved, I've noticed a lot of religious therapists, which isn't something I'm opposed to necessarily, but the fact that they put it out there is off-putting to me I suppose.

I hope you find something helpful. Don't feel bad about finding someone new if it's not a good fit.

Good luck!

ETA: I've recently found that people who are both licensed social workers and therapists (it's a dual Masters) are a lot more helpful. They understand community resources and are generally more real.
 
  • Like
Reactions: disillusionment
disillusionment

disillusionment

Member
Joined
Oct 22, 2020
Messages
42
Boochky said:
So a therapist can't prescribe meds, at least in the US.

If all they did was push pills at you, the likelihood of a misdiagnosis is real. Although, from what I know of BPD (and I'm no expert) it may be that you'd be likely not to accept it, but that's true of things like bipolar too.

I searched for sliding scale text therapy which would eliminate the sound issue and found this: https://paindoctor.com/free-therapy-online/

You may be able to do a deeper dive and find a better option. I don't know if text would even work for you though.

Do you have a car you can hang out in? That's what I used to do.

As far as therapy experience, I've been going over 30 years and my results have varied, but most of it was positive. I even had one who saw me for years for free, answered texts, and was really kind. She retired and I asked her why she kept seeing me and she said that if someone was brought to the emergency room and needed care, there was a duty to care. Obviously, this is not the norm, but I've found most people really care and, especially recently, the training is improving. If I do CTB, I'll probably send my remaining money to her TBH.

It's also going to depend somewhat on where you are. I was in a somewhat enlightened area and since I've moved, I've noticed a lot of religious therapists, which isn't something I'm opposed to necessarily, but the fact that they put it out there is off-putting to me I suppose.

I hope you find something helpful. Don't feel bad about finding someone new if it's not a good fit.

Good luck!

ETA: I've recently found that people who are both licensed social workers and therapists (it's a dual Masters) are a lot more helpful. They understand community resources and are generally more real.

BPD and C-PTSD seem really similar, but BPD didn't really seem to fit me well. Mainly, frantically trying to avoid abandonment or worrying about abandonment. That doesn't apply to me, the only abandonment issue I have is with my mom, I was abandoned by her and have issues around it but if any partner or friend abandons me, I don't frantically try to get them to stay or anything. I just let them walk away and let it go, and never bother them again. C-PTSD seems to match me better but I don't know. All these disorders seem to overlap so much.

I've never tried text therapy but I will look into it. It just feels so weird and impersonal. Same with over webcam.I don't have a car to hang out in.

I'm glad you had such positive experiences with therapists.
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: Boochky
Boochky

Boochky

Fat, bipolar, and hairy. (Sorry boys, I’m taken.)
Joined
Feb 23, 2019
Messages
333
The abandonment issue seems to be central to BPD from what I gather, so you're probably on to something. And how pathetic that we all have to be our own doctors anyway.

It is unusual, but you'd have to weigh being heard vs texting vs nothing. I did it plenty and it's fine, but I primarily text anyway.

Yeah I figured if you had a car, that would have occurred to you. Sorry, mate.

I hope you have good experiences too!
 
  • Like
Reactions: disillusionment
Similar threads

Similar threads