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Hope:-)

Elementalist
Jul 3, 2022
886
I feel like I could go either way. I really don't want to be stuck the way I am forever- that is not improving my life but not ctb either. I am just stuck in between. I don't know whether to give recovery another real go. I tried to get better before through medication and it just ruined my life instead and is the reason I am ctb. I'm also tired of the relationship I have with my family- I don't want to deal with the financial disputes and wills and things like that anymore. Unluckily for me, I've never really believed SN is painless and that's my method. Cutting your body off from oxygen does not sound painless to me. I might be wrong about that but I can't shake that belief. Sorry to be such a downer, but I'm feeling v helpless and desperately unhappy. |Not sure what to do. How about you?
 
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przeciwwymiotne

Be rude to me at all times, I don't deserve kindne
Jun 27, 2022
214
I feel like I could go either way. I really don't want to be stuck the way I am forever- that is not improving my life but not ctb either. I am just stuck in between. I don't know whether to give recovery another real go. I tried to get better before through medication and it just ruined my life instead and is the reason I am ctb. I'm also tired of the relationship I have with my family- I don't want to deal with the financial disputes and wills and things like that anymore. Unluckily for me, I've never really believed SN is painless and that's my method. Cutting your body off from oxygen does not sound painless to me. I might be wrong about that but I can't shake that belief. Sorry to be such a downer, but I'm feeling v helpless and desperately unhappy. |Not sure what to do. How about you?
I think I'll do it 100%. Scared af but there's literally nothing for me here. The only thing I'm unsure about is which method to use, they all seem scary, uncomfortable and gruesome. Wish I could do it with someone
 
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takemenowpls

Experienced
Aug 19, 2022
241
I believe you are correct. It’s not going to be painless. I read the documentary where someone took SN and another watched and reported back what they witnessed. While it didn’t sound horrible it wasn’t as peaceful as some would think. It sounded based on what I read painful for several minutes.

But define painful… I suffer each day everyday. Is what I read any different? At least after some brief pain it’s all over. But no, it’s definitely not the story book fall asleep and never wake up again kinda death. Not at all, but it’s the best we have for now….
 
Worndown

Worndown

Enlightened
Mar 21, 2019
1,324
I believe most will not. That is ok.
This is a great place to bring your problems and interact with others. Many find alternate ways to cope and that is good. Sometimes you can get a different perspective and find new reasons to live.
There are a lot of family problems on here. See what others have to say.
If you do need to exit, you can do it informed about your method and confident in your reasons.
 
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Smart No More

Visionary
May 5, 2021
2,420
I think once you consider it and decide to go ahead, even if you don't do it in the nearest future as initially intended, it will be something that you carry in your bag of tools that one day will be pulled out at an opportune moment. Be it due to shit in life or the issues of old age/health. We all have our lines in the sand and often we redraw them and discover that we can actually take more shit than we imagined but eventually that line gets crossed or we are lucky to die a peaceful natural death IMHO.

I think what I'm trying to say is that I think eventually catching the bus will become the lesser evil or path of least resistance for us one day.
 
thmlr

thmlr

Nohope
Jul 1, 2022
64
Creo que no mi tratamiento esta dando resultados lo que me agobia son cosas ya fuera de mi control asi que me tendre que “conformar” o incluso mejorar y ser tan feliz como algun dia fui por cuenta propia
 
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Forever Sleep

Earned it we have...
May 4, 2022
572
Feel exactly the same as you. I can see myself just going on and on like this because I'm too scared to do it. I know when my Dad dies, I will be devastated enough to do it but I expect the fear will still be there.

I totally get your anguish and it must be all the worse for you because you are nearing your planned date. All I would say is- listen to yourself- you don't have to do anything that doesn't feel right at the time. I kind of wonder whether you know it's time when you feel calm about it. Quite a few members do seem to reach a point where they have accepted their decision and feel more at peace.

I do get it though- I expect many of us may never reach that and ploughing through the rest of our lives is a pretty dreadful prospect. I hope you are able to feel more at ease with your decision- whatever that may be, soon.
 
FuneralCry

FuneralCry

Wish that I was gone.
Sep 24, 2020
14,697
I hope so. Hopefully eventually I find a way. To exit at a time of my own choosing would be the best thing possible, to finally leave all the suffering behind. But as we all know it’s not easy, certainly difficult in my case. It’s why I’m still here. Denying people a peaceful exit is beyond cruel, in an ideal world we would not have to struggle to find a way out of this life. It would be nice to just die in my sleep, I long for eternal rest where everything that is wrong with existence will be forgotten about.
 
tiny_dancer

tiny_dancer

Member
Aug 23, 2022
59
I totally understand the uncertainty, doubt and fear as the day gets closer and the finality of it all really hits home. It’s such a hard decision and I really hope you can come to one that brings you the most peace. Even though it might seem like you have to decide now, there is no rush and you don’t have to do anything you aren’t 100% certain about.
I feel like I will end up doing it. Eventually my physical suffering will be so bad that I just won’t be able to take one more day.
 
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LaVieEnRose

Student
Jul 23, 2022
169
I hope so. The reality is though that only a fraction of us will go through with it. That's how it's always been. I hope everyone can find a reason not to CTB besides fear.
 
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H

Hope:-)

Elementalist
Jul 3, 2022
886
I have decided not to push it. If I go to the hotel this weekend and do it then fine. If I don't then fine. I know it's unpopular but I believe what is meant to happen will happen. If this is the course my life is supposed to take then it will happen one day. I'm just going to let things develop naturally. So who knows what will happen this weekend. I might get to the hotel and not do it, or I may go for it. We'll see. My family is getting me down so much. I want a clean break. Everything is such a fight. If I could at least deal with that...
I hope so. The reality is though that only a fraction of us will go through with it. That's how it's always been. I hope everyone can find a reason not to CTB besides fear.
The physical pain is the only reason I'm not doing it. It's frustrating. I'm not even scared of death, just the pain.
 
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LaVieEnRose

Student
Jul 23, 2022
169
I have decided not to push it. If I go to the hotel this weekend and do it then fine. If I don't then fine. I know it's unpopular but I believe what is meant to happen will happen. If this is the course my life is supposed to take then it will happen one day. I'm just going to let things develop naturally. So who knows what will happen this weekend. I might get to the hotel and not do it, or I may go for it. We'll see. My family is getting me down so much. I want a clean break. Everything is such a fight. If I could at least deal with that...

The physical pain is the only reason I'm not doing it. It's frustrating. I'm not even scared of death, just the pain.
Even if it's not entirely peaceful it doesn't sound excruciating. I've had experiences that I could scarcely imagine anything being more painful than. Sadly those experiences didn't have the courtesy of killing me. So yeah, even if it's not fully peaceful the pain is still limited. I think the emotional aspect of waiting after you've ingested it is the most difficult part.
 
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Hope:-)

Elementalist
Jul 3, 2022
886
I will never just leave the board though so if I stop coming back presume I went for it and was successful. I'm playing things more by ear.x
 
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Sourdough

Sourdough

Member
Sep 3, 2022
25
I will 100% die by suicide unless some freak accident occurs. Even as a child I would think of all the terrible ways there are to die, and I've always promised myself to go on my own terms to avoid a fate full of agony. Even if I was happy and well I'd still end my life by my own hand in old age. It is about dignity. Not drowning in my own fluids, waiting for my heart to tear.
 
slushy

slushy

Member
Feb 19, 2022
79
Personally, I'm confident it will be my eventual end, and I want it that way. It's the path I want for my life. I'm just unsure when the best time is. I was thinking about doing it this January, but the more I think on it, I might hang around a while longer. Try to enjoy what things I can, before the shit truly hits the fan for me. It comforts me knowing I have suicide in my back pocket, so to speak, and I can make me exit at any point if things get too bad. I like to have my plan and materials ready to go so I could leave quickly. I keep the door open for myself.

As for you, I think if you have ANY uncertainty whatsoever that suicide is truly what you want, you need to hold off. Take time to reflect and figure out what you really want. Two things about suicide: it's completely FINAL, so be completely sure of it; and you can always do it later. Think like this: if you give recovery another shot, and it doesn't work, you could still do it after that, right(I mean don't do it, I'm not advocating that you do, but just think about this)? You have nothing to lose by trying, so why not?
 
Hangnail

Hangnail

Member
Jul 14, 2022
81
Yes. I don't know if I'd do a painful, not peaceful, or unreliable method, but I know it's a matter of time before I do.
 
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