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Oct 26, 2019
IDK I find myself wondering how many times a week it is normal to have the thought I am dying in a relationship.

Then again I don't know if there's any circumstance, any way people could treat me, where I wouldn't feel like this, so it's no one's fault.

I have a job. I feel like I don't actually want any of the options that money can buy me and I'm feeling desperate to escape life.

I wanted to take stock of my needs and then live efficiently providing what I could for others around me, those the state and capital are trying to kill, to cover immediate harm reduction needs and advance our longer term struggles for rights and freedom.

I want to do this with others regardless of whether we're personally friends. However I feel that to feel non toxic enough in my body to enjoy anything though, travel or food or nature, I also need to be close enough to someone (s) to process shit and not just feel like a place where violence happens.


Mar 26, 2020
I am not sure I understand you correctly. However, you might want to be cautious not to lose your own identity in an idealistic cause. There is nothing wrong with idealism or even activism if you can retain your own identity. It is when a person becomes disassociated from life and others that they may find their world crumbling around them.

People who pour their heart into a movement may seem like comrades, but often the emptying of self for a cause leaves little that can be shared with others.

It sounds like you are somewhat free from the trap of materialism that can harm people. There is a line from the movie "Going in Style" where George Burns says in reflecting on his life, "I had enough of everything except money, and the guys who went after that paid too high a price".

You may wish to consider volunteer work like reading to the elderly or mentoring a kid. It is less grand in scope compared to a "cause", but it can be more rewarding in seeing what you can do to help one other person. If you have a more sensitive soul it can also be important to feed it with art or music.