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Starfire

Starfire

depressed suicidal piece of sht
Joined
Nov 3, 2020
Messages
18
I send my friends random messages just to actually convince myself I started a conversation. Just to convince myself I actually reached out, that I did not completely burn bridges after all, that I still have a sense of connection with them even in the tiniest bits of ways. Even when the truth is I've actually tried to forget about them, I've been actually trying to cut strings. And when they respond, I leave them on read.

I hate my duality.

I hate that I still care even if I don't really care. I hate that I wanna forget them but don't want them to think I completely did. I hate that I still love them.

I hate everybody but I also don't.

I'm so confused with myself and my feelings. That's also why I don't want to maintain relationships and connections because I'm 100% sure I'll end up confusing them, too. Lmao.
 
Midgardsorm

Midgardsorm

Member
Joined
Apr 28, 2020
Messages
96
If only we could keep friendship alive forever without the need to keep in touch constantly. Or if our friends never stops sending messages, even though we don't answer...
 
Celerity

Celerity

Enlightened
Joined
Jan 24, 2021
Messages
1,452
I’m sorry. Not trying to be mean, but you have to know that what you’re doing is impolite at best and cruel at worst. You should really stop jerking people around. It’s not great to be on the receiving end of this.
 
Midgardsorm

Midgardsorm

Member
Joined
Apr 28, 2020
Messages
96
It wasn't ever in my intention to jerk people around. If it seems like that, on this thread on any other here, I apologize deeply.
I will watch what I will write from now on.
 
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S

stalewater

Member
Joined
Jul 11, 2021
Messages
54
Midgardsorm said:
If only we could keep friendship alive forever without the need to keep in touch constantly. Or if our friends never stops sending messages, even though we don't answer...
I have a friend who I only talk to about once a year, yet, we both consider each other a great friend. It's not impossible to have such relationships, but both people must be aware of that.
 
Midgardsorm

Midgardsorm

Member
Joined
Apr 28, 2020
Messages
96
stalewater said:
I have a friend who I only talk to about once a year, yet, we both consider each other a great friend. It's not impossible to have such relationships, but both people must be aware of that.
Its not impossible, but really rare, I think. One of the best person that ever talked to me in my whole life lived in Germany, very far from me. I don't even speak german, we used to speak in english, despite not being our native language.
It was brief, we chat ver few times and I those were the best memories that I have.
 
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Anonymous 4

Anonymous 4

Specialist
Joined
Jun 26, 2021
Messages
306
Starfire said:
I send my friends random messages just to actually convince myself I started a conversation. Just to convince myself I actually reached out, that I did not completely burn bridges after all, that I still have a sense of connection with them even in the tiniest bits of ways. Even when the truth is I've actually tried to forget about them, I've been actually trying to cut strings. And when they respond, I leave them on read.

I hate my duality.

I hate that I still care even if I don't really care. I hate that I wanna forget them but don't want them to think I completely did. I hate that I still love them.

I hate everybody but I also don't.

I'm so confused with myself and my feelings. That's also why I don't want to maintain relationships and connections because I'm 100% sure I'll end up confusing them, too. Lmao.
Sounds like your a empath, be carful of the people that will be attracted to your energy, they normally ain't no good for you.
 
overcomingfear

overcomingfear

Student
Joined
Sep 1, 2020
Messages
188
Leaving on read isn't the best thing to do but i can understand. As long as you don't do it often its fine
 
Lmd

Lmd

Wizard
Joined
Jul 12, 2020
Messages
648
Starfire said:
I send my friends random messages just to actually convince myself I started a conversation. Just to convince myself I actually reached out, that I did not completely burn bridges after all, that I still have a sense of connection with them even in the tiniest bits of ways. Even when the truth is I've actually tried to forget about them, I've been actually trying to cut strings. And when they respond, I leave them on read.

I hate my duality.

I hate that I still care even if I don't really care. I hate that I wanna forget them but don't want them to think I completely did. I hate that I still love them.

I hate everybody but I also don't.

I'm so confused with myself and my feelings. That's also why I don't want to maintain relationships and connections because I'm 100% sure I'll end up confusing them, too. Lmao.
If you love them is better to be aware of your limits and don't rush or fuck things what will make you feel worse. You are self sabotaging and you're not going to get anything good out of this, even if you think it's something you have to do.

Midgardsorm said:
If only we could keep friendship alive forever without the need to keep in touch constantly. Or if our friends never stops sending messages, even though we don't answer...
I thought this was the normal rule. People grow up and have their own lives. They can't keep in touch with everyone they met. I only talk daily with 2 people but that doesn't mean I forget the rest or they are less to me.
 
FuneralCry

FuneralCry

Living dead girl
Joined
Sep 24, 2020
Messages
2,867
For me it is too much effort to have friends. I am naturally introverted and I struggle with the commitment involved in maintaining friendships. It is hard work to me. I am no longer in contact with any of the friends I used to have for that reason. Of course I still cared for them though. I know it must be hard having to deal with the conflicting emotions.
 
suisuiforum

suisuiforum

Member
Joined
Jul 4, 2021
Messages
62
I don't care about how practically every research paper raves about the benefits of social interaction, talking to people in real life exhausts me more than I can express in words. I'm so sick of engaging in all the social rituals that society somehow agreed upon and meticulously planning my every word and move in order to gain even a smidgen of people's approval. Nowadays, I only message random strangers on the internet or post in threads like SS, and I'd be completely fine if I never have to speak to another human being in real life again. It looks like I'm on my way to that anyway, since I've burned plenty of bridges and still have tons of matches left.
 
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Anonymous 4

Anonymous 4

Specialist
Joined
Jun 26, 2021
Messages
306
FuneralCry said:
For me it is too much effort to have friends. I am naturally introverted and I struggle with the commitment involved in maintaining friendships. It is hard work to me. I am no longer in contact with any of the friends I used to have for that reason. Of course I still cared for them though. I know it must be hard having to deal with the conflicting emotions.
Just wanna say I read your posts, and I really feel you are.sent from. Higher realm, your words and how u see life and feel.it, is very advanced, I think you came here my mistake, or you have a.important job to do, either way, your a different kind of human, and in a good way
 
LastWhisper

LastWhisper

Who cares if I'm drunk?
Joined
Oct 29, 2019
Messages
202
Oh, I can relate, it's the same for me. I have nothing to add on top of this, but it's really confusing a lot...
 
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