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Life_and_Death

Life_and_Death

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At what point is it ghosting? At what point do you give up?

I haven't heard from my friend. If he doesn't message me today then it's going to be 4 days. Unless I'm having one of my "days" we literally have talked every day for years. And a couple days ago I got home from work, messaged him like always. Only got 1 word responses and then they just stopped and I haven't heard from him since. He just dropped right off in the middle of talking about my therapist appointment too. He isn't even reading any of my 30+ messages stretched across 3 social sites.
 
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avoid_slow_death

avoid_slow_death

Ready to embrace the peaceful bliss of the void.
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Sorry you are going through this. It hurts when something like this happens, but, if possible, reach out and ask them why the silence. Call them if you can do that in any way. Other than that, you can only wait.
 
Life_and_Death

Life_and_Death

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avoid_slow_death said:
Sorry you are going through this. It hurts when something like this happens, but, if possible, reach out and ask them why the silence. Call them if you can do that in any way. Other than that, you can only wait.
I've done that over and over again. Even saying that if he's done talking to me that's fine but at least tell me. I've even called 3 times (although that was more to get his attention because we can't actually talk: complicated). And my friend messaged him yesterday as well but I was just on my way to bed so idk if there's an outcome to that yet.
 
avoid_slow_death

avoid_slow_death

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I'm sorry....I guess you tried. There is always someone you can talk to though. Especially here. I'm always willing to listen, I just might not be a ton of help some days.
 
Life_and_Death

Life_and_Death

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avoid_slow_death said:
I'm sorry....I guess you tried. There is always someone you can talk to though. Especially here. I'm always willing to listen, I just might not be a ton of help some days.
Thnx :hug:

I just don't want to/cant believe he's gone. He's always said that he will always be there for me and any time I've panicked in the past there's always been a good reason I haven't heard from him. But never for days.... Never like this....im running out of excuses for him....
 
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JustAMatterOfTime

JustAMatterOfTime

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Sorry to hear that, I understand the feeling and have embarrassed myself bombing someone with messages over and over because they weren’t replying like normal. Maybe it is something that is happening to your friend though where they have something important happening and aren’t just ignoring you to be mean I don’t know.
 
MYStERY_Man

MYStERY_Man

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As a professional ghost, 3-4 days sounds about right. But maybe wait for the weekend? Something urgent might have come up, or he could be busy and not able to fully dedicate himself to the conversation...
 
Life_and_Death

Life_and_Death

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JustAMatterOfTime said:
Maybe it is something that is happening to your friend though where they have something important happening and aren’t just ignoring you to be mean I don’t know.

MYStERY_Man said:
Something urgent might have come up, or he could be busy and not able to fully dedicate himself to the conversation...
See that's the thing, I know nothing has. He's had more important stuff come up and he ALWAYS finds the time to at least tell me. The biggest thing he has is work and he's always had work before and we'd talk for a bit when he got home. But he can stay awake until 12am (3am on a non work night). He has at least 2 seconds to say "sorry I'm busy I'll explain later" or something. I really don't think I'm asking for much considering we talked every day and he knows I have problems.
 
MYStERY_Man

MYStERY_Man

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Life_and_Death said:
See that's the thing, I know nothing has. He's had more important stuff come up and he ALWAYS finds the time to at least tell me. The biggest thing he has is work and he's always had work before and we'd talk for a bit when he got home. But he can stay awake until 12am (3am on a non work night). He has at least 2 seconds to say "sorry I'm busy I'll explain later" or something. I really don't think I'm asking for much considering we talked every day and he knows I have problems.
Is there something he wouldn't tell you about? Jealous SO, his own struggles? Maybe something he thinks would overwhelm you? Give it some time.

The ball is on his court, he either keeps playing or not. If it's the latter, what can you do, really? It just means there's a better fit out there to be your lifelong friend, don't waste energy with anger, redirect it to finding that person instead.

(Easier said than done, I know...)
 
Life_and_Death

Life_and_Death

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MYStERY_Man said:
Maybe something he thinks would overwhelm you?
Possibly... I've gone through a lot of possibilities. Everything from for some reason he can't message me to someone told him to not message me.
 
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MYStERY_Man

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Life_and_Death said:
Possibly... I've gone through a lot of possibilities. Everything from for some reason he can't message me to someone told him to not message me.
Good. Not everything is lost, then. For now, let's hope it works out.
 
Life_and_Death

Life_and_Death

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MYStERY_Man said:
Good. Not everything is lost, then. For now, let's hope it works out.
Yeah, I'll give it until the weekend. Him working is taking away from time he could have messaged.
 
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Symbiote

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He could be busy with other things or taking a break from you to recover himself so that he could help you better. Better to be recovered so he can help you better than being stressed out and trying to help only to make things worse. Give it time, my friend.
 
Life_and_Death

Life_and_Death

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I'm trying to not have my life rely on this one person but today I'm finding that difficult. The last I heard was "of course he loves me" and that "he'd never leave me". And now he's just gone. My life has been boring and empty since I stopped hearing from him.

For years Ive never not heard from you. What happened?? What is going on? Will I ever hear from you again?
 
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Albus Dumbledore

Albus Dumbledore

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Was there anything in the run-up to indicate this might be about to happen?

has this happened before ?
 
P

paininme

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I’m sorry this is happening to you I once heard a saying that said if they can go more than 3 days without talking to you then leave them as they have no interest if they can leave you upset etc for 3 days but I also don’t know their situation if they are taking a mental health break etc I hate ghosting it leaves so many unanswered questions it’s not fair
 
Life_and_Death

Life_and_Death

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Well he messaged me back yesterday but Idk what it means. All he said was sorry and then went offline until I was in bed. He then responded to my good night (which I read upon waking up) and 2/3s of what should have been there was missing... All he said was nighty night... I didn't get my sweet dreams or my hugs....

At this point I just want to know if he's gone or not.
 
JustAMatterOfTime

JustAMatterOfTime

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Life_and_Death said:
Well he messaged me back yesterday but Idk what it means. All he said was sorry and then went offline until I was in bed. He then responded to my good night (which I read upon waking up) and 2/3s of what should have been there was missing... All he said was nighty night... I didn't get my sweet dreams or my hugs....

At this point I just want to know if he's gone or not.
Give him a taste of his own medicine ignore him back. Some people get off on being mean to people and it is a lot easier for them to do on phone than face to face. Sounds like he is just being a dick.
 
Life_and_Death

Life_and_Death

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JustAMatterOfTime said:
Give him a taste of his own medicine ignore him back. Some people get off on being mean to people and it is a lot easier for them to do on phone than face to face. Sounds like he is just being a dick.
No that's not it. There's something going on and for some reason he's not telling me. I can only assume its because he's concerned about how I'm going to react (cuz apparently leaving me in this state for the week is so much better)

My biggest problem with all of this is its tearing my trust apart. He always said he'd always be here. He always said that if he did find another girl that I wouldn't have to leave. And now each message he sends I feel is the last one I'm receiving (although nothing new yet, he's sleeping).

I just don't know what to make of it or what to do. I want to get my friend to drive me out to his place and get a big hug though.....
 
JustAMatterOfTime

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Life_and_Death said:
No that's not it. There's something going on and for some reason he's not telling me. I can only assume its because he's concerned about how I'm going to react (cuz apparently leaving me in this state for the week is so much better)

My biggest problem with all of this is its tearing my trust apart. He always said he'd always be here. He always said that if he did find another girl that I wouldn't have to leave. And now each message he sends I feel is the last one I'm receiving (although nothing new yet, he's sleeping).

I just don't know what to make of it or what to do. I want to get my friend to drive me out to his place and get a big hug though.....
Oh I see, just ignore me then.
 
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Life_and_Death

Life_and_Death

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JustAMatterOfTime said:
Oh I see, just ignore me then.
If he was anyone else I'd typically agree with you. But I know my friend, something is going on...

Plus I'm not even sure he knows how to be a dick.
 
JustAMatterOfTime

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Life_and_Death said:
If he was anyone else I'd typically agree with you. But I know my friend, something is going on...

Plus I'm not even sure he knows how to be a dick.
Just my experience, maybe he got a taste for it and grew into one. Hopefully not and it has an innocent explanation, I know how it feels to be waiting and panicking over things like that and usually I am wrong like about most things. Try to think of other things dear, worrying over it won’t change the outcome.
 
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Albus Dumbledore

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Life_and_Death said:
No that's not it. There's something going on and for some reason he's not telling me. I can only assume its because he's concerned about how I'm going to react (cuz apparently leaving me in this state for the week is so much better)

My biggest problem with all of this is its tearing my trust apart. He always said he'd always be here. He always said that if he did find another girl that I wouldn't have to leave. And now each message he sends I feel is the last one I'm receiving (although nothing new yet, he's sleeping).

I just don't know what to make of it or what to do. I want to get my friend to drive me out to his place and get a big hug though.....
How would you react if he had another girl ?

what does your husband make of your relationship with your friend ? I think I’d be rather jealous.
 
Life_and_Death

Life_and_Death

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Albus Dumbledore said:
How would you react if he had another girl ?

what does your husband make of your relationship with your friend ? I think I’d be rather jealous.
It's a long story id rather not
 
Albus Dumbledore

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Life_and_Death said:
It's a long story id rather not
Right. Well FWIW if I were you I’d go over there and find out what’s going on
 
Celerity

Celerity

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Life_and_Death said:
At what point is it ghosting? At what point do you give up?

I haven't heard from my friend. If he doesn't message me today then it's going to be 4 days. Unless I'm having one of my "days" we literally have talked every day for years. And a couple days ago I got home from work, messaged him like always. Only got 1 word responses and then they just stopped and I haven't heard from him since. He just dropped right off in the middle of talking about my therapist appointment too. He isn't even reading any of my 30+ messages stretched across 3 social sites.
I’m going through the same thing except that it’s been over 2 weeks. I feel upset and disappointed in myself for being hopeful.
 
Life_and_Death

Life_and_Death

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Well he finally messaged me back. I should have known it was something 'stupid'.

He stopped talking to me because I wasn't going to my therapist appointment. It's at this point I messaged him back saying that the first appointment I canceled was because I attempted suicide that morning because of my appointment and that I didn't go to my second one because she had a death in the family. I also told him I would have called and rescheduled but he fucked off and I had to find out if he was coming back.

Maybe now he'll realize that shits happening for a reason. I can't believe it... He stopped messaging me because he cared basically.... Total hitting head off wall moment
 
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