M

millefeui

-
Mar 31, 2018
1,036
So, so liberating.

Every time I find myself latching onto hopes, dreams and expectations, I feel anxious because I know what my final destination is: Disappointment, days or weeks, perhaps months of spiraling down in a puddle of depression and self loathing. Only to fall into the same traps again after recovering.

Currently, I am in the "no hopes and dreams" stage. I feel empty, but that actually makes me happy. A happy sadness? A sad happiness? It is hard to describe it. When I am being hopeful for the future, for changes in my life that are unlikely or even impossible to happen, it is hard to feel anything other than crippling anxiety due to overthinking and worrying about everything.

Of course, that doesn't stop me from hoping for a better life (literally a new, better life; as in reincarnation or what have you), but that is such an unrealistic and far-fetched dream, that it doesn't really give me anxiety. It actually gives me something to look for, even though it very likely not happening. A girl can dream.
 
Fylobatica

Fylobatica

Inactive
Apr 1, 2018
365
I often fantasized about being successful and acclaimed. Then one day I realized that I couldn't care less, lol. Sure, being popular and having tons of money wouldn't hurt. But really, I would feel the same incompleteness even if people threw roses at my feet, somehow
 
EternalSanction

EternalSanction

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Jun 7, 2018
252
I just resorted to having my bucket list of small dreams that I could still archieve but I imagine it truly is liberating to free yourself from all of that.
 
Tiburcio

Tiburcio

Voluntary deletion.
May 9, 2018
1,573
This world is too uninteresting and consumimg for me.

I don't care how weird can this sounds but I ever wanted to live in a world where magic exist, with surrealistic landscapes and habitated for memorable people. And going into some kind of adventure that would change me and all those who I love.
Like one of that RPG you play once and you remember it forever.
 
M

millefeui

-
Mar 31, 2018
1,036
This world is too uninteresting and consumimg for me.

I don't care how weird can this sounds but I ever wanted to live in a world where magic exist, with surrealistic landscapes and habitated for memorable people. And going into some kind of adventure that would change me and all those who I love.
Like one of that RPG you play once and you remember it forever.
I don't even need the magic — Although, to be honest, I was enamored by the Harry Potter universe when I was a teenager. Nowadays I realize even if you are born there, you can be unlucky enough to be born a muggle or just really ugly. Being ugly will ruin any life regardless of what universe you are born in. Call me vain if you want.

I think I mentioned before, but to me the ideal would be born in some cute anime world. I am fascinated by how colorful and simple those worlds look (visually speaking). Everything shines more and things and people aren't overdetailed like in our universe, "reality". Of course, even in an anime world, there would still be problems, likely... Such as aging and becoming a passion fruit, but still. Maybe one could live in a loop of their good, fun and loving young years. I wouldn't mind that, as long as I didn't know I was looping. Being young and pretty/cute forever. Having fun forever (and of course, some bad moments here and there, but if it is just moments and not 99% of the life, it is fine by me). Meeting a soulmate and loving and being loved in a way that doesn't exist in our stupid and flawed reality. I could dig that.

Stuff like this is why deep inside I kind of like the idea of "personal heavens", as much as it sounds like wishful thinking. If something such as a personal heaven existed, I doubt it would be bound by any stupid laws of reality. Because this is all so unlikely, in theory anyways, the best I can hope for is nonexistence.
 
M

mwu14

Member
Apr 21, 2018
53
There really isn't anything I want in this lifetime which just makes me want to CTB sooner. Also too many problems to just live out the rest of my life.

A personal heaven would be nice, but I'd gladly take non-existence.
 
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deflagrat

deflagrat

¡Si hablas español mándame un mensaje privado!
Apr 9, 2018
360
Hopes and expectations are a good thing if they can be successfully completed.

I don't even need the magic — Although, to be honest, I was enamored by the Harry Potter universe when I was a teenager. Nowadays I realize even if you are born there, you can be unlucky enough to be born a muggle or just really ugly. Being ugly will ruin any life regardless of what universe you are born in. Call me vain if you want.

I think I mentioned before, but to me the ideal would be born in some cute anime world. I am fascinated by how colorful and simple those worlds look (visually speaking). Everything shines more and things and people aren't overdetailed like in our universe, "reality". Of course, even in an anime world, there would still be problems, likely... Such as aging and becoming a passion fruit, but still. Maybe one could live in a loop of their good, fun and loving young years. I wouldn't mind that, as long as I didn't know I was looping. Being young and pretty/cute forever. Having fun forever (and of course, some bad moments here and there, but if it is just moments and not 99% of the life, it is fine by me). Meeting a soulmate and loving and being loved in a way that doesn't exist in our stupid and flawed reality. I could dig that.

Stuff like this is why deep inside I kind of like the idea of "personal heavens", as much as it sounds like wishful thinking. If something such as a personal heaven existed, I doubt it would be bound by any stupid laws of reality. Because this is all so unlikely, in theory anyways, the best I can hope for is nonexistence.
If we lived in a futuristic world we would have machines to take us into a virtual world full of all those things. Not just one, but many. That's what it sucks living in this era, I spent my whole life waiting for videogames to have decent graphics and now I barely have a few years until I end up homeless. I wish I had a lucid dreaming mask that would actually work... that's the closest thing to that.

If we could just live long enough to see a universal basic income caused by massive automation... if only...
 
M

Michel Angelo

Member
Jul 5, 2018
46
So, so liberating.

Every time I find myself latching onto hopes, dreams and expectations, I feel anxious because I know what my final destination is: Disappointment, days or weeks, perhaps months of spiraling down in a puddle of depression and self loathing. Only to fall into the same traps again after recovering.

Currently, I am in the "no hopes and dreams" stage. I feel empty, but that actually makes me happy. A happy sadness? A sad happiness? It is hard to describe it. When I am being hopeful for the future, for changes in my life that are unlikely or even impossible to happen, it is hard to feel anything other than crippling anxiety due to overthinking and worrying about everything.

Of course, that doesn't stop me from hoping for a better life (literally a new, better life; as in reincarnation or what have you), but that is such an unrealistic and far-fetched dream, that it doesn't really give me anxiety. It actually gives me something to look for, even though it very likely not happening. A girl can dream.


Food for thought: "hopes, dreams, and aspirations" have been melded by the advertising / PR industry, most of your hopes/dreams/aspirations for the average person are made up by the corporate advertising industry, they provides the ends by which people want to attain - so in that sense, they're bullshit anyways, at least for the average person.
 
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Fylobatica

Fylobatica

Inactive
Apr 1, 2018
365
Food for thought: "hopes, dreams, and aspirations" have been melded by the advertising / PR industry, most of your hopes/dreams/aspirations for the average person are made up by the corporate advertising industry,

Either it's that or religion. People don't have much of a choice
 
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Michel Angelo

Member
Jul 5, 2018
46
Either it's that or religion. People don't have much of a choice

yeah, i used to see that as such a bad thing, then i figured out that we're all kinda empty anyways, and though letting the corps do it is one level of hell worse, think of the chaos of society if we all thought independently of the norm - it could be utopian, though i doubt it. what is new and scary is how embedded corps are within our vary lives that is somewhat new, with technology the distance has been shortened somewhat - with the ironic effect of alienating people more.

speaking of churches / religion - you probably have heard of it, (did it start with hume? I forget) but christianity's original popularity was a result from the original alienating influences of then burgeoning capital and the beginnings of alienating labour in the Roman Empire, Jesus seen as the amelioration to that increasing alienation, and when you think of how Jesus christ is portrayed - it kind of makes sense, ie "god is always with me" and the like.

i think if everyone in america understood what alienation truly was we'd at least have a socialist government by now.....
 
M

Michel Angelo

Member
Jul 5, 2018
46
Either it's that or religion. People don't have much of a choice

sorry, forgot to mention - if this interests you, (or anybody reading this) there's a fucking awesome documentary called "the century of the self" by adam curtis, from the BBC. it goes through the original use of corporate propaganda - convincing servicemen in the post-ww1 era that smoking was cool again by bribing women to "light up" at a woman's suffrage parade. it goes on from there, very very interesting.
 

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