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itsallover

Arcanist
Jun 29, 2018
478
My physical symptoms have improved to the point where I think I can re-enter the work force and finally start my masters degree in teaching. I really feel that I have a valid reason to off myself with the severe mental and physical problems that I have but I can hide them well. You only get one body and life. I screwed up my mind and body pretty good with all these psych meds which I don't think I actually needed at all during this time I've spent being physically sick. You only get one life as well and I have seen visibly disabled people out there working. Life really is a gift. I just can't bring myself to throw it away. I am not trying to push my views away on anybody but I have been severely depressed and suicidal for a while now to the point I can barely leave the house or function. I can't leave this life never knowing what could have been. I also think that God only gives you as much as you can take. There has to be some kind of creator because life is too complex and intricate to come out of nothing. If anything my message is to just try no matter how hard things get. Life is not about how hard you've fallen, but how hard you try to get back up.
I am lucky that I have a family who supported me through all this and I can talk to about all my feelings even if they include suicide. If you don't then talk to somebody. Anybody. Not every psychiatrist is going to overmedicate the shit out of you and throw you in a nuthouse for suicidal or even homicidal thoughts and this goes for some therapists too. Just be careful about how you say it and tell them that these are just thoughts because of how stressed you are and it should be fine as has been my experience. I was so close to offing myself today because I got so paranoid that my something happened to my mother after not hearing from her for a while. I am so dependent on her it's almost pathetic. I need to find a way to survive on my own. I can still walk and talk despite my disability, so I feel that I can work again. I know that a lot of you have hit rock bottom and that's why you're here. I am not demonizing the sight. It has been incredibly supportive for me and I want to continue to be a part of this community. I know it's not all about suicide and advice on how to do it, but a lot of it is how to cope with these thoughts as a lot of us have doubts about going through it. Thank you to everyone for being there for me during this difficult time and I will continue to try and be there for you as well. I feel there is no point to completely letting yourself go because of depression if you're not going to end things. It's just goin to hurt you in the end. Please give a life a try. You only get one chance at it. Even if you make mistakes, even big ones like I have you still have a chance.
 
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Comatose11

Mage
Jul 26, 2018
576
I'm glad you found happiness. This website is supposed to be pro choice meaning we will support you in your decision whether you decide to CTB or give life a try. I hope you find peace and happiness.