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x_riverrock11

Visionary
Jan 24, 2021
2,047
Raised as a Southern Baptist, it took deconversion from Christianity for me to come to terms with my attraction toward other women. I am lucky not to experience self-loathing because of it. Most of my troubles, if they can be said to be related, stem from being gender nonconforming when I was a young girl. I got lots of flak for it at school and eventually conformed enough to "pass". Because I am also attracted to men (though to a lesser degree), I was able to rationalize away the negative but true comments my classmates made about my sexuality.

Nowadays, I don't pray that I can force myself to stay straight like I used to, but I do wish I had a higher libido and could actually trust people. Trying to date seems like too much effort for too little reward, and I am getting too old to be completely new at the dating game.

How about you? Has being gay, lesbian, bi, asexual, etc. affected your will to live?
 
PeacefulDreams

PeacefulDreams

Going down hill again.
Aug 16, 2022
27
Sometimes I feel a little scared about what would happen if it were to get out that I was LGBTQ+, but it plays a relatively small role in my suicidality.
 
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x_riverrock11

Visionary
Jan 24, 2021
2,047
Sometimes I feel a little scared about what would happen if it were to get out that I was LGBTQ+, but it plays a relatively small role in my suicidality.
I have hidden it from everyone in my family except my mother. My cousins strongly suspect it, but IDGAF about their opinion.
 
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PeacefulDreams

PeacefulDreams

Going down hill again.
Aug 16, 2022
27
I have hidden it from everyone in my family except my mother. My cousins strongly suspect it, but IDGAF about their opinion.
I've told one friend and I'm pretty open on the internet about it
 
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x_riverrock11

Visionary
Jan 24, 2021
2,047
I've told one friend and I'm pretty open on the internet about it
Most people don’t seem to have a problem with it anymore. Even seems to score me cool points with Gen Z for some reason. Still have a lot of stupidity in The South though where I live.
 
PeacefulDreams

PeacefulDreams

Going down hill again.
Aug 16, 2022
27
Most people don’t seem to have a problem with it anymore. Even seems to score me cool points with Gen Z for some reason. Still have a lot of stupidity in The South though where I live.
As someone who used to life up north: It's not much better up there either (especially if they are Christians).
 
Jrmull1993

Jrmull1993

Warlock
Jul 13, 2022
781
While it's definitely contributed to my suicidality, I wouldn't consider it an underlying cause.

Form my firsthand experience, I'd also consider asexuality a disorder as opposed to an orientation.
 
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Coffeebean77

Well… I tried.
Jul 28, 2022
55
It’s only contributed in the sense that I’m still heartbroken over my most recent failed (same-sex) relationship. But that’s a small part.
 
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X

x_riverrock11

Visionary
Jan 24, 2021
2,047
While it's definitely contributed to my suicidality, I wouldn't consider it an underlying cause.

Form my firsthand experience, I'd also consider asexuality a disorder as opposed to an orientation.
So am I to understand that you are asexual? For most, it seems linked to trust issues and depression. Reminds me of anhedonia. When my libido hits absolute zero, I know I’m really depressed.
It’s only contributed in the sense that I’m still heartbroken over my most recent failed (same-sex) relationship. But that’s a small part.
I’m sorry. I have never been in a relationship before, so I can’t know what that’s like. I’m scared of it. I look at my parents who are only together out of obligation and habit and see that in my future. I can’t see anyone wanting to stay with me long term for any other reason.
 
Jrmull1993

Jrmull1993

Warlock
Jul 13, 2022
781
So am I to understand that you are asexual? For most, it seems linked to trust issues and depression. Reminds me of anhedonia. When my libido hits absolute zero, I know I’m really depressed.
I suppose so. From conversations with my buddy, he seems to think that's what I am. I suppose it could be a form of anhedonia. There's other things in life that make me happy, sex is just something I dislike.
 
Yungire

Yungire

Digital Fae
Dec 3, 2020
1,316
I don't think so, even if my bestie and I hadn't fallen in love, her death would have had the same impact on me. In any case, I had lost the person I love the most.
 
sunsetting

sunsetting

Member
Jun 9, 2021
36
Since I dont even like sex, nope. Maybe Im a heartless person but at least I'll never suffer in love related issues anyways.
 
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S

summers

Visionary
Nov 4, 2020
2,516
How about you? Has being gay, lesbian, bi, asexual, etc. affected your will to live?
If anything, being bi has kept me around longer. Especially these last few years, I think I would have been really bored with the straight life.
Since I dont even like sex, nope. Maybe Im a heartless person but at least I'll never suffer in love related issues anyways.
Having sex and experiencing love issues are two separate things. You can experience love issues with a platonic friend.
 
gottablast888

gottablast888

Student
Apr 15, 2022
121
i think id be happier as a gay but the grass isnt always greener
 
Maria Luz

Maria Luz

Member
Jul 4, 2022
25
Si algo.Algunas conocidas lo saben pero pocas.No lo he dicho tan abiertamente creo que me pueden criticar,y creo que nunca lo sabrán mis padres y mis hermanas
 
DeathDueToDysphoria

DeathDueToDysphoria

I hate myself because of what I am not.
Apr 19, 2022
1,313
No, but my assigned sex is. Though, I get really jealous of attractive people of the opposite sex. I'm glad I don't like men as I find the male body gross looking.
 
Nolan96

Nolan96

Arcanist
Feb 12, 2022
489
It's hard to make a friendly connection with most straight guys, but most other gay people hate me and want me dead, so, probably yeah. Social isolation at least, for sure.
 
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x_riverrock11

Visionary
Jan 24, 2021
2,047
It's hard to make a friendly connection with most straight guys, but most other gay people hate me and want me dead, so, probably yeah. Social isolation at least, for sure.
Why do most gay people hate you?
 
Nolan96

Nolan96

Arcanist
Feb 12, 2022
489
Why do most gay people hate you?
Because, as a certain someone on this site would put it, I'm not a right-thinking person.

The LGBTQIA+ community is very ideologically collectivistic. I don't try to conform, and if I did I'd trip over myself and bungle it constantly anyway because it wouldn't come easily or naturally to me.

I do think a lot of gay men also just viscerally dislike me for reasons unrelated to that which are hard to pin down though. Can't put my finger on it.
 
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wait.what

wait.what

no really, what?
Aug 14, 2020
340
I don't think so. My attractionality is only "a problem" when combined with my gender identity anyway. Being trans also doesn't bother me. Other people are sometimes assholes about it, and that bothers me, but it's definitely "them" problem and not a "me" problem.

I have so many other reasons to want to kill myself, lol. I mean, for all I know being queer is actually on the list. It's just that it's #3,972, and after the top 5, the reasons all just sort of blend together. I mean, I'm kinda ugly, too. I'm also no fun at parties because I'm allergic to weed, and if I'm drinking, I'll be blackout drunk by 10 pm and unconscious somewhere by midnight.
 
WhatPowerIs

WhatPowerIs

Specialist
Jun 19, 2022
397
I do think a lot of gay men also just viscerally dislike me for reasons unrelated to that which are hard to pin down though. Can't put my finger on it.
Do you have a vague idea at least? Sorry if it seems like I'm pushing the issue
 
wait.what

wait.what

no really, what?
Aug 14, 2020
340
@WhatPowerIs, perhaps @Nolan96 is talking about the fault line that lies between "gay" and "queer?" At least where I live, "queer" suggests a counter-culture identity. "Gay" doesn't necessarily. Pete Buttigieg is an example of gay, but not queer. He had a successful stint in the military during "Don't Ask, Don't Tell," if you want to visualize exactly how not-counterculture that guy is. He is literally indistinguishable from the next random dude from Indiana, except for the fact that he has a husband instead of a wife. I suppose Kurt Cobain might have been queer, but not gay. He slept with women. He also went around wearing women's clothes a lot. I actually suspect he might have been transfeminine, but I don't think there's concrete evidence of that. As far as anyone knows, he was just a really queer straight dude.

The reason I think Nolan96 may be talking about "queer" is that he mentions some kind of collective ideology. I'd call "ideology" a little strong of a word. Honestly, I think it's more a shared type of trauma. If you've ever had your baby teeth punched out by a kid who called you "faggot," you either learned to repress whatever quality made him want to hit you, or you ended up embracing your faggotude. That's roughly what "queer" is: embracing whatever it is about you that makes the sexuality and gender police want to punch your teeth out.

I suspect the large majority of gay people are the sort who could (and do) live out their lives under a type of Don't Ask, Don't Tell rule, self-imposed or otherwise. Why wouldn't they? They get punched in the teeth less. It's quite likely you interact with them multiple times a day and don't notice. By contrast, if you look at someone and just immediately think "gay," possibly due to sublte "gaydar" cues, possibly because they are literally wearing a shirt that says "GAY" on it in great big letters, you are probably looking at someone who is both gay and queer. I can see imagining that "queer" and "gay" have a much larger Venn diagram overlap than they do, because being noticeably gay is considered a subversive act, and "subversive" is a self-selecting category.

Edit: For the record, I am trans, gay, and queer. I would still be queer if I were cis and heterosexual. I have a sib like that. Our mother probably qualified as cis, het, and queer. She was the kid who was tormented all her youth for being gender non-conforming. It's actually being the target of sex and gender policing that earns you the ticket into queer, if you want it. (You're allowed to decline.) I'm sort of secondhand queer. Culturally queer. I actually get much more shit about my gender identity and sexuality now than I did as a kid. But then, most of the hatred aimed at LGBTQ+ people is really only aimed at the ones who were assigned male at birth. Because the world is stupid, that's why. Not that equal opportunity hate would be better--just that there's not even any internal logic to hating on people who aren't cis and hetero.
 
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WhatPowerIs

WhatPowerIs

Specialist
Jun 19, 2022
397
Hmm, that's a lot to mull over. I suppose a lot of gay men dislike Nolan for not conforming, as he said in his original post? Neither of us can speak for him but that's kind of the conclusion I'm coming to with regard to your post?
 
C

chronicallybroken

Student
Jul 16, 2022
167
Yea because idk what it is and bc of physical deformities and trauma I didn’t get a chance to find out at a normal age so I’m old and confused
 
C

come to dust

Arcanist
Oct 28, 2019
403
If anything, being bi has kept me around longer. Especially these last few years, I think I would have been really bored with the straight life.

Having sex and experiencing love issues are two separate things. You can experience love issues with a platonic friend.
Are you a bisexual man?

As a gay man most bisexual men I've been with seriously got fed up of me and went back to women, and were probably straight. As an ugly person, I think the only reason such bisexual men give me a chance is because they can't get women.

I can't enjoy being with people who truly like gay relationships because their looks standards are much higher than me.
 
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Aurora_chaser

Aurora_chaser

Fulfilled
Apr 12, 2021
14
It’s definitely a contributing factor to mine. I am pansexual and genderfluid, and I grew up in a rigid religious environment where I was never safe in my identity until I was in my mid-20s. So much of my trauma was the direct product of being queer in a hostile setting.
 
lofticries

lofticries

obedear
Feb 27, 2021
1,335
Hmm, not really. Im very chill with my sexuality. I'd be open to experimenting with more than just cis men. I wouldn't have a crisis or anything if I turned out to like cis women or trans men/women.

I do come from a pretty religious background but my mom is accepting while my dad is just mildly homophobic.

When I was a teen I had a mini crisis with my gender after consuming too much bl/yaoi. I got a bit upset that I'd never experiance sex as a gay man. But other than that time I'm okay with my gender and comfortable with my sexuality.
 
M

makethepainstop

Specialist
Sep 16, 2022
326
Yep Bing gay sure helps my urge to ctb right along. When I was about 38 my grandmother has died. So I let the family know. So after her funeral, we are having dinner. My aunt who I'm as close to as my mom.....starts talking to redneck Bible thumping uncle. So being gay came up. Well redneck uncle starts talking,Bible thumping, and looking at me. Understand I am not fem at all. I then went nuclear, ( possibly as I was choc full of anti depressants, plus a few hits off cousin redneck druggies joint). I then proceeded to let them know fucking loudly.... I am gay if y'all want we can start it right fucking now. Naturally the assembly knew that I carry not a knife, but a straight razor! I then proceeded to tell them everything I like about dudes. Some of those Christian redneck women folk, had blushes. I never said what I like to do them, just dude traits hairy arm pits, muscles, blond hair that I like. Redneck uncle then tells me about all of those things in hell, his buy bull tells us of about queers. I told the Christian redneck assembly I like dudes. Not women, dudes. Now if you to kill me I'll load the damn gun for you. Uncle redneck buy bull thumper, then got auntie and left. The aunt who started this delightful scenario gave me a hug, saying "You should have had this conversation years ago." I told my aunt that as Christian rednecks have been known to iynch queers, and as I really prefered to remain unhurt and alive ." Christian's are so Christ like!? And today I am alone decades later. Oh well better late than never.
 
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