Safira

Safira

An empty soul isolated and fuelled by desperation
Apr 3, 2018
40
My parents were just watching this show about a day-in-the-life of ambulance drivers, and they heavily weighed on suicidal cases due to it being mental health awareness week (don't even get me started on that sorry excuse of a campaign).

Hearing comments such as...

"they're wasting so much of their [ambulance drivers] time, they could have been doing ____!"
"2 and a half hours wasted!? Think of how many others' lives they could have saved in that time"
"what selfishness"
"if they really were suicidal they'd just up and do it, they'd not tell anymore and save them time"
"who would want to go to a loony bin?"
(referring to a rehabilitation centre)
"they never follow through with it, it's always just a cry for help, never serious"
"what an embarrassment"
"if i had a problem i'd just do ____ to fix it, or i'd at least try it first"
"i can see why they're frustrated"
"she needs to be sectioned or let her get on with it"


...etc etc makes me sick to my stomach.

It doesn't help how shallow these shows are and how quickly they bounce back from these cases like nothing happened (they're perpetuating the whole "happy pills" idea, that antidepressants work instantly and cure every problem and that mental health, despite it being a special episode based around it, isn't that ingrained in someone's personality).

I can't wait until they're old and frail and i can ctb with them being unable to say or do anything psychologically damaging again (it's a whole story, i won't get into it, but they're toxic and i cannot wait to move out). I bet their viewpoint would change then. Ugh, why does family suck so much?

On a similar note, knowing i'll ctb brings me peace sometimes when i think about it because i'll finally be reunited with the only family members i loved, my beloved pets. I believe in the rainbow bridge so much, as much as it makes me cry now, i know they're somewhere where they're being as spoiled as i want them to be, and i will eventually join them and finally be truly and completely happy.

Idk what i expect as a response to this post, not sure i expect a response from anyone really. I just like venting here sometimes, and i appreciate everyone being more active recently. Anyone else had similar experiences, i guess?

Have some relevant artwork (not my own, by Lycanium on DeviantArt, titled "Dead Air"):

ufepbLp.jpg
 
L

Life sucks

Visionary
Apr 18, 2018
2,139
People are really hypocrites. If this shows anything, it shows how toxic they are. Pretending to help others but when someone have a deep problem and want to end it by any means, they call it selfishness and waste of time?
Don't hurt your feelings because of those toxic pile of contradictions.
I dont know if I have an experience about shows because I don't watch any (and don't watch TV at all) but its known that all of normies in the world will think suicides are for the crazy, irrational or whatever they say. Fuck them and fuck this life
 
ImNotBatman

ImNotBatman

Student
May 9, 2018
144
Society as a whole has a stigma. Youre forced into life, and then expected as your duty to society to live until you die of natural causes/age/cancer/whatever.
If you get cancer or an illness you are supposed to fight, just because its what society deems as "right. " If you dont see life through the same window as everyone else, then youre mentally ill and deserve "treatment. " Whether thats pills, therapy(brainwashing in some cases), or even worse methods of "treatment." Ive been arrested, charged with a felony and 2 misdemeanors over a suicide attempt, roughed up and thrown in jail. Held against my will in 3 different pyschiatric facilities that use such tactics as "agree to treatment or we'll hold you down and make you take treatment" and if you dont agree, they say they'll hold you longer.

In my little family that I have left, they ask me on a daily basis how I am. If the answer is anything but unending joy to be alive, they threaten me with cops, pysch visits, or making me homeless. (All of these have happened atleast once to me).

I wish people would just let people do and feel how they wanted (within reason). If I'm depressed, let me feel this way. Dont try to forcibly change me. If I want to die, ask me why. If you think I feel strongly enough, let it happen.
 
I

ion900

Student
May 4, 2018
159
psych drugs don't work. They cannot outperform lifestyle and mindset changes.

If you get cancer or an illness you are supposed to fight, just because its what society deems as "right. " If you dont see life through the same window as everyone else, then youre mentally ill and deserve "treatment. " Whether thats pills, therapy(brainwashing in some cases), or even worse methods of "treatment." Ive been arrested, charged with a felony and 2 misdemeanors over a suicide attempt, roughed up and thrown in jail. Held against my will in 3 different pyschiatric facilities that use such tactics as "agree to treatment or we'll hold you down and make you take treatment" and if you dont agree, they say they'll hold you longer.
It's thought policing.
Sorry man. Try acting the part and then dying and making your only wish to have suicide not lead to drugging. Leave a note under your mattress that explains how oppressive and unfair it that they can bully you into thinking the way they want. Then go into detail as to why DSM5 is a book of fabricated big pharma non-fact based business plan for how to diagnose as many people as possible without doing it to too many to where they get called out. You have to figure out a way to manipulate your life so that you can commit suicide cleanly if that's what you want. That means method acting until you can ensure getting out of this trap. I used to enjoy life. I still stood for the right to die. You gotta understand these people are brainwashed to think that wanting to escape a bad life is a sign your head is messed up. If you look and see how people are brainwashed into thinking their rights need to be revoked, cholesterol is bad for you, borderless nations are good, you might have an easier time realizing it is like fighting against a robot with evil programs running it rather than true human nature acting this way. Don't take it too seriously it is a crazy time. See Bill Cooper's cnn interview. Good luck. Good karma to you.
 
F

FroggMan

Member
May 8, 2018
35
I relate alot. I know what its like to be normal, how that generally feels and how easy it is to go about life when all your hardware and software is running relatively fine. Recently I've got very sick with disease of kinds and both my body and mind have degraded like I've become 100 years old over night. Or like the worst sickness I've ever had plus extra goodies, day after day after day. Completely ruined me as a person but the people around me absolutely don't understand at all. They completely don't see it and wonder why I don't just get on with life. I may not be the best with coping with my symptoms but I'm fairly sure just about no one could go on living life the way it is now for me. It so utterly and completely not worth living anymore, just full of pain of so many kinds. And they say to me what I think now from my perspective is such blatantly wrong and stupid. I don't tell them exactly this since they are my family and I love them, but it is extremely frustrating. I lived with them all my life and know them well and I can't help but think that if they were in my shoes, they would not fair any better. Impossible to know I'm sure, but in a sense I think very true.

I've tried to not let these things get to me. We're all just animals, everything we do and think rooted to some extent in the billion years of evolution that is our DNA. True us humans have this intelligent form of consciousness than other animals, lets us try to use reason and logic. But were far from infallible, even the smartest and wisest among us. It sucks, it really does. Very frustrating to say the least.

One thing I wish I could drill into people is that not everyone has the same hardware, not even close. Some people will have the most loving of friends and family and be blessed with the understandings of the wisest virtues from a very young age and then kill themselves from depression by the age of 10. Other people will grow up in the poorest of places with the most unfortunate of company while being riddled with pretty false notions of reality and be happy the entire way. Some people will be born autistic, schizophrenic, otherwise psychotic, and there really isn't a damn thing they could do about it even if they were wise to it.

People think you can just go out in fix these problems. So many people think you can just stop being depressed for example. Growing up I was one of those people. It's infuriating and saddening.

Boy of boy I wish I lived in a simpler time with good health. All i'd do is find a nice partner to drink with in the evening, have myself a big fat cat, a decent job that gives me enough spare time to enjoy life, and just not think and be content.
 
Safira

Safira

An empty soul isolated and fuelled by desperation
Apr 3, 2018
40
Society as a whole has a stigma. Youre forced into life, and then expected as your duty to society to live until you die of natural causes/age/cancer/whatever.
If you get cancer or an illness you are supposed to fight, just because its what society deems as "right. " If you dont see life through the same window as everyone else, then youre mentally ill and deserve "treatment. " Whether thats pills, therapy(brainwashing in some cases), or even worse methods of "treatment." Ive been arrested, charged with a felony and 2 misdemeanors over a suicide attempt, roughed up and thrown in jail. Held against my will in 3 different pyschiatric facilities that use such tactics as "agree to treatment or we'll hold you down and make you take treatment" and if you dont agree, they say they'll hold you longer.

In my little family that I have left, they ask me on a daily basis how I am. If the answer is anything but unending joy to be alive, they threaten me with cops, pysch visits, or making me homeless. (All of these have happened atleast once to me).

I wish people would just let people do and feel how they wanted (within reason). If I'm depressed, let me feel this way. Dont try to forcibly change me. If I want to die, ask me why. If you think I feel strongly enough, let it happen.

Shit dude, that's a lot to happen in what i assume is quite a short amount of time. I agree with your explanation of "treatment", it's ridiculous how some people (actually i think it's the majority, that or people hide their true face) cannot handle the reality that others aren't 110% all the time. Even if people aren't depressed or terminally ill or whatever, they still have their down days/weeks/months, particularly after loss, and this kind of attitude just makes me hate society so much for indoctrinating people into this mindset of an active person (in society, making money for the economy and such) being the ONLY person, with anyone else being treated inhumanely.

Thanks for bringing your view to the table, it's helping me understand my own (as i often struggle with forming a coherent message) and i'm sorry you had to experience that horrific situation XS I cannot imagine being arrested or sectioned for my beliefs, glad you're mostly out of that now though.
 
Safira

Safira

An empty soul isolated and fuelled by desperation
Apr 3, 2018
40
I relate alot. I know what its like to be normal, how that generally feels and how easy it is to go about life when all your hardware and software is running relatively fine. Recently I've got very sick with disease of kinds and both my body and mind have degraded like I've become 100 years old over night. Or like the worst sickness I've ever had plus extra goodies, day after day after day. Completely ruined me as a person but the people around me absolutely don't understand at all. They completely don't see it and wonder why I don't just get on with life. I may not be the best with coping with my symptoms but I'm fairly sure just about no one could go on living life the way it is now for me. It so utterly and completely not worth living anymore, just full of pain of so many kinds. And they say to me what I think now from my perspective is such blatantly wrong and stupid. I don't tell them exactly this since they are my family and I love them, but it is extremely frustrating. I lived with them all my life and know them well and I can't help but think that if they were in my shoes, they would not fair any better. Impossible to know I'm sure, but in a sense I think very true.

Man, i can't remember the last time i felt pure joy with no hindrances or thoughts in the back of my mind doubting what i'm feeling is real. Glad you could enjoy it and can recall the feeling though, better to have some memories than none at all. Also, preach! People offering "solutions" such as "go outside" and "eat/drink ____ it helped my [less serious and not chronic pain]!" really frustrate me and others i know who are suffering. Mind you, i've never experienced chronic pain in any shape or form, the closest being a stomach cramp i had for two days (and if that was debilitating i don't think i'd be able to continue with your pain). I'm proud you've gotten this far though, more determination than me at least, even if it didn't feel like anything courageous or meaningful. Yeah, true empathy cannot occur, logically, as no one has the capacity to fully place themselves in another's metaphorical shoes and not collapse under the foreign pressures placed upon them. It's extremely difficult to change mindsets to align slightly more with someone else's in this context, so it's pretty damn near impossible to have a complete 180 change.

I've tried to not let these things get to me. We're all just animals, everything we do and think rooted to some extent in the billion years of evolution that is our DNA. True us humans have this intelligent form of consciousness than other animals, lets us try to use reason and logic. But were far from infallible, even the smartest and wisest among us. It sucks, it really does. Very frustrating to say the least.

Yup, our ancestors' greed and selfish desires fuelling their actions still influence our own as much as many hate to admit it. People would do unspeakable things for money, a concept we made up to make some more powerful than others, so we're all tempted to turn back towards our primitive values and instincts of "mine mine mine", less compassionate towards others and less considerate about their opinions/feelings.

One thing I wish I could drill into people is that not everyone has the same hardware, not even close. Some people will have the most loving of friends and family and be blessed with the understandings of the wisest virtues from a very young age and then kill themselves from depression by the age of 10. Other people will grow up in the poorest of places with the most unfortunate of company while being riddled with pretty false notions of reality and be happy the entire way. Some people will be born autistic, schizophrenic, otherwise psychotic, and there really isn't a damn thing they could do about it even if they were wise to it.

100% agree with you, ignorance is bliss, it truly is. But those with even the slightest amount of comprehension for their situation, realising their company is shit for example, end up one way or another wanting to know if anything can change. And once they realise others' have it so much better (be it wanting their ignorance, their wealth, their health or their company) things spiral out of control.

People think you can just go out in fix these problems. So many people think you can just stop being depressed for example. Growing up I was one of those people. It's infuriating and saddening.

Boy of boy I wish I lived in a simpler time with good health. All i'd do is find a nice partner to drink with in the evening, have myself a big fat cat, a decent job that gives me enough spare time to enjoy life, and just not think and be content.

It must really suck to see yourself change into someone you once may have mocked even :c "You either die a hero or live long enough to see yourself become the enemy" or however that quote goes...I hope you can find peace eventually my friend.
Also, heck yeah with a goal being a fat cat, i'd pamper one so much <3 And switching off this awareness would be nice too.

Not sure what a lot of what i typed meant, but it was an interesting array of things to think about, thank you for sharing your thoughts.
 
ImNotBatman

ImNotBatman

Student
May 9, 2018
144
Shit dude, that's a lot to happen in what i assume is quite a short amount of time. I agree with your explanation of "treatment", it's ridiculous how some people (actually i think it's the majority, that or people hide their true face) cannot handle the reality that others aren't 110% all the time. Even if people aren't depressed or terminally ill or whatever, they still have their down days/weeks/months, particularly after loss, and this kind of attitude just makes me hate society so much for indoctrinating people into this mindset of an active person (in society, making money for the economy and such) being the ONLY person, with anyone else being treated inhumanely.

Thanks for bringing your view to the table, it's helping me understand my own (as i often struggle with forming a coherent message) and i'm sorry you had to experience that horrific situation XS I cannot imagine being arrested or sectioned for my beliefs, glad you're mostly out of that now though.

The entire situation has been the last 6 years, but my most recent attempt in September has made everyone threaten to either kick me out(happened right out of the hospital), or disown me if I sad I wasnt happy about something. I was arrested 6 years ago. The entire situation sucks, and while I'm still in it, I've got the tools to end my own life at anytime now. Just waiting on a bad day.
 
Safira

Safira

An empty soul isolated and fuelled by desperation
Apr 3, 2018
40
The entire situation has been the last 6 years, but my most recent attempt in September has made everyone threaten to either kick me out(happened right out of the hospital), or disown me if I sad I wasnt happy about something. I was arrested 6 years ago. The entire situation sucks, and while I'm still in it, I've got the tools to end my own life at anytime now. Just waiting on a bad day.
Ouch, well, i can't say much other than good luck then, i think you need it. Wishing you peace wherever you go dude, it's a lot to carry on your shoulders.
 
ImNotBatman

ImNotBatman

Student
May 9, 2018
144
Ouch, well, i can't say much other than good luck then, i think you need it. Wishing you peace wherever you go dude, it's a lot to carry on your shoulders.
Thank you.
The hard part is, everyday my life "overall" gets "better" in everyone elses eyes, but yet I couldnt care less about how good of a job I have, or whatever else. I just want to be happy, but I don't think I can be anymore.
 
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