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Aug 15, 2018
I've written briefly; I can't remember a time in my life that wasn't pain. I was abused by both of my parents as a child, and then it was all foster care, group homes, psych wards and homelessness after that.
Rape and domestic violence. Just one thing after another no matter how hard I tried bad things just kept happening over and over again.

My entire life I have felt next to nothing for other humans. When I was young I had the urge to hurt animals, i set my step dad's house on fire, and I would spend long hours ruminating about killing people.
I'm not a sociopath. I cared enough to not resort to killing things.

I go out of my way to try to be kind to people because I know what its like to suffer. A lot of the time my compassion feels like it stems more from my intellect than from my heart. But I'm not sure of the difference.

I only knew from a young age I was only going to love once
but everyone around me just thinks this is a normal "first love" heartbreak thing and they don't understand that it deeply, emphatically isn't. I cried for this person as a child.

I hold my love in the same regard archaic religious beliefs hold virginity.
I don't believe I can love again, and even if I could- I wouldn't want to. My body has been with many many people but my hearts only ever been with one and I won't ever sully that. The thought of it disgusts me.

Sorry guys. I drank too much coffee, I can't sleep and his absence is deafening.


Aug 28, 2018
I know it sounds hollow, but I’m so sorry for all you’ve been put through. You deserved so much better.
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