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Not-Ok-Ellen

Member
Jun 23, 2022
5
Hi everyone, have lurked around for a while but am looking to chat to like-minded people, as I’m sick of feeling so alone like no-one listens or understands me.

Bit of background information, I’m in my 40’s from the UK, 20+ years of depression and anxiety and a recent diagnosis of autism (which makes sense) was Mis-diagnosed with EUPD for 10+ years and despite me questioning it no-one listened.

Many overdoses, one failed suicide attempt 5 years ago and zero help from NHS MH services.

For years I’ve fought for my rights and cared for my dad, but I no longer see him as a protective factor and I perhaps reached a point a long time ago of just wishing he was dead do I could end my own life, now I realise I don’t really care what happens to him, I just want out of this world, I never wanted to see 40 and next month I’ll be 45 and I’m so done.

Sorry that was probably a bit long for a first post.
 
unredeemable

unredeemable

To be, or not to be - that is the question.
Jun 7, 2022
55
Hi everyone, have lurked around for a while but am looking to chat to like-minded people, as I’m sick of feeling so alone like no-one listens or understands me.

Bit of background information, I’m in my 40’s from the UK, 20+ years of depression and anxiety and a recent diagnosis of autism (which makes sense) was Mis-diagnosed with EUPD for 10+ years and despite me questioning it no-one listened.

Many overdoses, one failed suicide attempt 5 years ago and zero help from NHS MH services.

For years I’ve fought for my rights and cared for my dad, but I no longer see him as a protective factor and I perhaps reached a point a long time ago of just wishing he was dead do I could end my own life, now I realise I don’t really care what happens to him, I just want out of this world, I never wanted to see 40 and next month I’ll be 45 and I’m so done.

Sorry that was probably a bit long for a first post.
Welcome! I'm in my 40s and was recently "unofficially" diagnosed with Asperger's by my therapist. It's turned my world all the way upside down.

I've had ideations since I was a teenager, but the last two months have particularly challenging. SS gives me a place for honest feedback from a community of like-minded, non-judgemental people. I hope you have the same experience and find some comfort in your life very soon.
 
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Mr. Incapable

Member
Jun 21, 2022
63
Hi. Welcome! I recently just returned to SS but I was a previous user who first joined a year and a half ago. I’m also from the U.K., 30’s and had depression and anxiety for almost 20 years. I’m not diagnosed with anything but that’s because I never visit the doctor! I wouldn’t be surprised if I was on the spectrum. My only experience with the NHS MH teams was back in 2010 when I ended up in a psych hospital following a failed attempt. Since then all of my failed attempts have been private and without requiring treatment, mostly due to me backing out because of survival instinct. Isn’t it crazy how time and years evade us? In my case in that time I really tried to find some sort of purpose or a reason to live but I never did.. I’m glad I tried so I could say I tried but it sure does feel like a waste of time.. and I’m still here for no reason.. it doesn’t make sense.
 
TheLastFemaphrodyke

TheLastFemaphrodyke

Student
May 25, 2022
126
US here, 59, I'm an old fart. Came to SS to find my way out, found it, that gave me comfort enough to know I can leave now and not a soul can stop me, even if they lock me up, hell, if they do, THAT is when I will leave this world and they can deal with their culpability for taking away my freedom due to their own selfish and misguided projections of power. I m not on here very often anymore. I do not need it like I did before I found my way out, like when I smoked, as long as I had smokes, I was okay, the very second that last pack got down to half, I began chain smoking and needing to go get mores smokes so I would not run out. Now, I have my way, and basically, it can never run out, can never be taken away from me and I do not feel as anxious about needing to find a way out. I feel better. I STILL have thoughts, that hubby and kitties would be better off without me dragging them down, no one else-not one soul on this planet would miss me, tired, pain, sad, traumatized..........but I know I only need less than an hour, alone, uninterrupted to, leave this world, peacefully, without pain or further trauma.....and I stay, because I know I CAN leave, basically whenever I want.

When it starts to get thick, I come on here to get some perspective for myself. This usually involves me reading what others are going through and identifying with what they are feeling, then I feel so not crazily weird and different from everyone else, like maybe I might actually be a human, not some kind of alien from another planet that no longer exists and I am the only survivor.

I try to lend comfort to others while on here, the way I would want someone to lend comfort to me. I am not always sure I am successful at that. I have autism and verbally, in person, do not communicate very well at all, but I tend to have diarhea of the fingers, as I communicate too well by typing!

Welcome, use the place as you need, find your way and your peace, with yourself and this world.
 
FuneralCry

FuneralCry

She dreams of eternal sleep
Sep 24, 2020
12,336
I’m sorry that you have suffered so much in life. I understand that it is hard to carry on when all you want is to leave. This life really is so unfair and it sounds like you have been through a lot. I wish you the best in whatever you decide to do.