WonderingSoul

WonderingSoul

Gamer
Dec 15, 2021
130
I’m a little late to this thread but I’ll type anyway. I’m okay, but I could always be better. Life always has other plans for me. I’m trying to escape my abusive family after being tricked by them again. Was homeless for a little, but now I want to be homeless again if it means escaping them. In the meantime, I’m getting rejected by jobs and working on partial hanging. Even if I got one now, I’d have to quit by the time I escape from my family’s house and look for a new one.

On second thought, maybe I’m not doing too well 😐.
 
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Al Cappella

Al Cappella

Are we there yet?
Feb 2, 2022
910
Thank you for asking in a thread, btw, it’s sweet of you to do that. I’m hanging in, and can’t really complain. I sometimes wonder if I’m misreading everything, and so I have no idea what’s actually going on. That’s really disorienting at times. Confusing. It’s nothing new, but still. And I struggle with feeling I don’t belong anywhere. Other than that, I’m OK. I hope you’re doing OK too…
 
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natali4

natali4

Student
May 24, 2021
147
@onlyanimalsaregood I love that you created a thread like this, especially since you are also going through a rough time!

My weekend was ok - on Saturday I cleaned my car after two years. It was really dirty and the carpets had stains that I couldn't get out, but I still cleaned whatever I could. Sunday was a depression day, I spent most of the day crying in bed.

I hope you have a better week OP! ❤️
 
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onlyanimalsaregood

onlyanimalsaregood

Unlovable 💔 Rest in peace CommitSudoku 🤍
Mar 11, 2022
1,141
@onlyanimalsaregood I love that you created a thread like this, especially since you are also going through a rough time!

My weekend was ok - on Saturday I cleaned my car after two years. It was really dirty and the carpets had stains that I couldn't get out, but I still cleaned whatever I could. Sunday was a depression day, I spent most of the day crying in bed.

I hope you have a better week OP! ❤️
Thank you 🤗

Oh I'm sorry that you cried and I hope that you're at least a little better at the moment.

Btw, I always enjoy your comments so you can PM anytime :)
 
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Niko66

Niko66

Specialist
Dec 6, 2021
330
Love seeing your posts @onlyanimalsaregood c:
Physically and mentally I am close to rock bottom cuz the pandemic wrecked my already disastrous life in terms of my issues but at the same time I feel different, I feel like trying for myself and for what I find meaningful and not just because "what else can I even do". I used to dream to be happy, now I want to be able to cry my heart out (haven't had a good cry in like a decade!) and to laugh earnestly.

Lately I've gotten into reading when my attention span allows it, finished "The Stranger/The Outsider" and "Vampire Lestat" over the past few weeks/months (lol) now reading the lord of the rings, otherwise mostly pass the time lurking and talking around these parts. I've also nearly quit my daily weed use so that's pretty good too. I've been feeling more lucid than in a long time.
 
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onlyanimalsaregood

onlyanimalsaregood

Unlovable 💔 Rest in peace CommitSudoku 🤍
Mar 11, 2022
1,141
Love seeing your posts @onlyanimalsaregood c:
Physically and mentally I am close to rock bottom cuz the pandemic wrecked my already disastrous life in terms of my issues but at the same time I feel different, I feel like trying for myself and for what I find meaningful and not just because "what else can I even do". I used to dream to be happy, now I want to be able to cry my heart out (haven't had a good cry in like a decade!) and to laugh earnestly.

Lately I've gotten into reading when my attention span allows it, finished "The Stranger/The Outsider" and "Vampire Lestat" over the past few weeks/months (lol) now reading the lord of the rings, otherwise mostly pass the time lurking and talking around these parts. I've also nearly quit my daily weed use so that's pretty good too. I've been feeling more lucid than in a long time.
Oh you're so sweet, thank you so much ❤️ It really does me good to feel that people here like my comments and that it helps them in a way. It's all I want.

I know. And in the place I live it's getting worse again. Where do you live, how is the covid? You do well and I hope you find things that will help you feel good again. Crying once in a while is good for you, it relieves. I cry once in a while.

Reading is a great habit. I'm a big fan of Lord of the Rings, it's a classic :) And I think you're right to leave the weed. I've dealt with a person who was quite close to me and had a big addiction to it and it really takes away from the focus and the motivation to do things. I've an open mind and although I don't like it I respect those who do it but recreationally.
 
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Niko66

Niko66

Specialist
Dec 6, 2021
330
Oh you're so sweet, thank you so much ❤️ It really does me good to feel that people here like my comments and that it helps them in a way. It's all I want.

I know. And in the place I live it's getting worse again. Where do you live, how is the covid? You do well and I hope you find things that will help you feel good again. Crying once in a while is good for you, it relieves. I cry once in a while.

Reading is a great habit. I'm a big fan of Lord of the Rings, it's a classic :) And I think you're right to leave the weed. I've dealt with a person who was quite close to me and had a big addiction to it and it really takes away from the focus and the motivation to do things. I've an open mind and although I don't like it I respect those who do it but recreationally.
Aw, well I'd say you are succeeding at that, I really like these not sure if to call them more casual discussions, a "how are you" goes a long way sometimes. They are very refreshing to see.

And ugh yeah COVID blows, I am from Costa Rica (what about you?) and our cases are as high as they have ever been (or so I heard last, I avoid the news for my sanity) and my job switched to being fully from home ever since the start and now it fully transitioned to stay this way, which is kind of good except my home is terrible for my mental health and full of past traumas whereas I had a chill environment at the office and supportive people that I used to get to see every day, things were turning for the better for the first time in my life (mainly due to the people I met) so it's been quite the downspiral these couple of years being stuck in my room 95% of the time again. And gosh yeah how I wish I could get a cathartic cry, I have so much pent up emotionally due to same past trauma with parents n stuff, having to be the quiet "mature" kid with no needs.

And thanks! Yeah to be honest weed can be "great" to make it through a day but as you say it really saps motivation away, it works better for certain people I guess, some can still be more productive but for me it wasn't the case and it got to the point where my days were planned completely around my smoking. But I've been talking to this long distance friend and we started reading "together" which is how I started, so I felt I needed to be more mentally present to be able to remember the contents and talk with them afterwards, so that's pretty much what got me to (mostly) quit, realized I feel better without it too. Trying to reduce my benzo use as well but that one is a much harder task.

(Sorry once someone gives me the ear I will not stop lol) How about you how is your week (or life) going?
 
PreussenBlueJay

PreussenBlueJay

Too short for Frederick William I’s Guards
Jan 18, 2022
194
Feeling unmoored lately. It’s like I got replaced inside myself. I make so many simple mistakes at work I can’t even believe it. Sleepwalking through the days.
 
onlyanimalsaregood

onlyanimalsaregood

Unlovable 💔 Rest in peace CommitSudoku 🤍
Mar 11, 2022
1,141
Aw, well I'd say you are succeeding at that, I really like these not sure if to call them more casual discussions, a "how are you" goes a long way sometimes. They are very refreshing to see.

And ugh yeah COVID blows, I am from Costa Rica (what about you?) and our cases are as high as they have ever been (or so I heard last, I avoid the news for my sanity) and my job switched to being fully from home ever since the start and now it fully transitioned to stay this way, which is kind of good except my home is terrible for my mental health and full of past traumas whereas I had a chill environment at the office and supportive people that I used to get to see every day, things were turning for the better for the first time in my life (mainly due to the people I met) so it's been quite the downspiral these couple of years being stuck in my room 95% of the time again. And gosh yeah how I wish I could get a cathartic cry, I have so much pent up emotionally due to same past trauma with parents n stuff, having to be the quiet "mature" kid with no needs.

And thanks! Yeah to be honest weed can be "great" to make it through a day but as you say it really saps motivation away, it works better for certain people I guess, some can still be more productive but for me it wasn't the case and it got to the point where my days were planned completely around my smoking. But I've been talking to this long distance friend and we started reading "together" which is how I started, so I felt I needed to be more mentally present to be able to remember the contents and talk with them afterwards, so that's pretty much what got me to (mostly) quit, realized I feel better without it too. Trying to reduce my benzo use as well but that one is a much harder task.

(Sorry once someone gives me the ear I will not stop lol) How about you how is your week (or life) going?
Yeah, I agree. Having conversations from time to time about everyday topics and not only about heavy topics is good.

I'm from Portugal :) Oh I would actually love to work from home. At my job they never let me teleworking, even when it was mandatory. But I understand your situation. It's more complicated when you don't have a good environment at home for sure. For me it is the other way around, the atmosphere in the office is bad.

Totally. I honestly think that pot takes the motivation out of everyone who smokes daily and several times a day. It becomes an addiction, the person just has a hard time admitting it. The person I was talking about smoked sometimes five times a day. It was impossible to have a more complex conversation like that.

So I think it's great that you saw that it wasn't doing you any good and tried to quit. I did the same thing but with alcohol. I went through a phase of drinking daily to forget things and I realized that if I continued that way I could get addicted so I cut it off.

Yeah, I'm also medicated. And I've used benzos more regularly than now but I still need it from time to time.

Ahah that's fine :) My week is going ok I guess. Trying to coping like everyday. Some days are harder than others. I'm back to being a functional person but still depressed. I guess it's a process. And you?
Feeling unmoored lately. It’s like I got replaced inside myself. I make so many simple mistakes at work I can’t even believe it. Sleepwalking through the days.
I'm sorry you're going through that and I totally understand you. Depression seems to take away your soul and your personality. Sometimes I miss who I was without the depression. It's normal and it's not our fault that those things are happening at work since depression also makes it hard to concentrate. Are you having trouble sleeping? That makes the situation even worse. Maybe you should consider taking something if you haven't already.
 
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Niko66

Niko66

Specialist
Dec 6, 2021
330
Yeah, I agree. Having conversations from time to time about everyday topics and not only about heavy topics is good.

I'm from Portugal :) Oh I would actually love to work from home. At my job they never let me teleworking, even when it was mandatory. But I understand your situation. It's more complicated when you don't have a good environment at home for sure. For me it is the other way around, the atmosphere in the office is bad.

Totally. I honestly think that pot takes the motivation out of everyone who smokes daily and several times a day. It becomes an addiction, the person just has a hard time admitting it. The person I was talking about smoked sometimes five times a day. It was impossible to have a more complex conversation like that.

So I think it's great that you saw that it wasn't doing you any good and tried to quit. I did the same thing but with alcohol. I went through a phase of drinking daily to forget things and I realized that if I continued that way I could get addicted so I cut it off.

Yeah, I'm also medicated. And I've used benzos more regularly than now but I still need it from time to time.

Ahah that's fine :) My week is going ok I guess. Trying to coping like everyday. Some days are harder than others. I'm back to being a functional person but still depressed. I guess it's a process. And you?

Oh, sweet, you know I've long dreamed of moving out of my country to somewhere more progressive with things such as LGBT+ and such, Portugal is one of my top choices if I actually could, I've heard nice things of over there and weather wouldn't be such a drastic change, I can't imagine going through long cold winters as much as some of these other European countries sound very nice too.

And ah definitely working from home has a lot of advantages, it's funny because almost all my life I would have told you I would love work from home, I used to be "happy" being in my room most of the time, playing videogames, watching shows, I wanted little to do with the outside world though in hindsight I realize it was largely because I really struggle with getting out of my comfort zone and fiction was one of my escapes that brought me joy in anotherwise not good life and it was reinforcing my insecurities and depression by being oversheltered and isolated. Still my first job was at a call center and it was absolutely dreadful, I remember wanting to cry every day on the bus on my way there haha. Didn't last very long. But I really miss what physical health I had before COVID hit and idk I think the stress of the home and world situation finally snapped in my body and gave me all kinds of physicall issues which I am only learning to cope with for these past couple of years.

That's great that you were able to get over your issues with alcohol before they became bigger, props to you! I know it can be very physically addictive on top of the mental aspects. That takes a lot of self awareness too.

Benzos are simply A M A Z I N G honestly... When I first tried MDMA it was like the first time I felt pure joy in so long, as if depression had been lifted from my mind finally after decades (ofc a very temporary effect) and with benzos it was likewise feeling for the first time what having a quiet mind not full of anxiety and a barrage of thoughts a worries felt like, made me wonder if this is how "normal" people feel like! It was blissfull. If only it wasn't so addictive and tolerance building too :/. I don't plan to ever not have some with me for the worst days, they are godsent for that, just want to stop the daily use and have no worries of withdrawals (but man has it been hard, there's so many bad days >_<) like today I was starting to spiral down, had to take a good bunch of klonopin, went to the backyard to read some LotR and that did the trick to not go down that path.

That sounds great that you are back to a more functional level! It is a hell of a process, when I think of how many years it took me to get to where I am now so low, development years on top of it, it also makes me wonder how many years could it take to possibly heal at all but it also makes me wonder what would it be like if I really stuck out with good habits throughout the years instead of quitting after a month like I always do lol! My days likewise are a lot of coping and a bit of trying when I can.

Though I already watched the movies, I started the books recently and so I was reading this exchange and it really hit me with the state of the world and my own life.
"I wish it need not have happened in my time" said Frodo. "So do I,"said Gandalf "and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us"
 
Green Destiny

Green Destiny

Life isn't worth the trouble.
Nov 16, 2019
701
Thank you for asking @onlyanimalsaregood. Right now i'm beside myself in anger because the sports team I support just choked away a game they were about to win in very embarrassing fashion. I of course know how dumb and pointless sports are in general but it's one of the few thing I have left that makes me feel something besides despondent hopelessness. All I can do is hope they do better when they play again Friday. Thanks for listening.
 
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Trilucid

Trilucid

Member
May 25, 2022
51
More on the peace and quiet today, but bad dreams keep messing with me for some reason.
As to what I may do later, aside from chores, maybe I could try reading or something.
Having some books I didn't really get to touch or look into.
 
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onlyanimalsaregood

onlyanimalsaregood

Unlovable 💔 Rest in peace CommitSudoku 🤍
Mar 11, 2022
1,141
Thank you for asking @onlyanimalsaregood. Right now i'm beside myself in anger because the sports team I support just choked away a game they were about to win in very embarrassing fashion. I of course know how dumb and pointless sports are in general but it's one of the few thing I have left that makes me feel something besides despondent hopelessness. All I can do is hope they do better when they play again Friday. Thanks for listening.
You're welcome 🤗

I'm not really a sports person but I understood right away the point of you focusing on that sport because I'm doing the same thing but with news. I've been using it to distract myself and I've been successful.

I hope they win Friday's game and that it gives you some happiness. Keep taking it one day at a time. I wish you the best ❤️
More on the peace and quiet today, but bad dreams keep messing with me for some reason.
As to what I may do later, aside from chores, maybe I could try reading or something.
Having some books I didn't really get to touch or look into.
I'm glad to hear that you've had peace and quiet lately.

I'm sorry you had those nightmares, I also suffer from what I dream about and it disrupts my day quite a bit when it happen.

I think reading is a great Hobbie and helps us distract our minds and occupy our time. I haven't read books in a while and lately I feel like I should get back into it. The last books I read were from Osho. I like them a lot.
 
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paulstrong

paulstrong

Visionary
May 5, 2020
2,178
Sorry to hear that you are grieving. It's sad when you have to deal with that. 🤗 Tbh, I am in the process of writing a will, decluttering and getting some final prep in order. I don't have a specific date or anything but I am hoping to ctb this year some time. I just couldn't do another year of bullshit. Anyway, I always enjoyed your posts onlyAnimalsAreGood (I agree with that btw). Thanks for your supportive posts!
 
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onlyanimalsaregood

onlyanimalsaregood

Unlovable 💔 Rest in peace CommitSudoku 🤍
Mar 11, 2022
1,141
This is a great place to hang out @onlyanimalsaregood. You're a lovely host.
Thank you 🤗 You too
Sorry to hear that you are grieving. It's sad when you have to deal with that. 🤗 Tbh, I am in the process of writing a will, decluttering and getting some final prep in order. I don't have a specific date or anything but I am hoping to ctb this year some time. I just couldn't do another year of bullshit. Anyway, I always enjoyed your posts onlyAnimalsAreGood (I agree with that btw). Thanks for your supportive posts!
Thank you for your kind words. I'm sorry you had to go through all of that. Animals are amazing indeed :)
 
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Echo

Echo

Fragile
Oct 28, 2020
559
Hi

I hope it’s ok for me to answer. I haven’t been on the forum for a while… ive been simply trying to cope with basic living…

My gsd mix was 2 months shy of 13 years old when i had to have him put to sleep in March. March 24th. 12:30pm. I’ll never forget feeljng his heart stop beating.

After that 2 “friends” abandoned/turned on/whatevered me…. And my boyfriend (who swore everything was fine literally less than 24 hours prior) dumped me by text. And we are not teenagers… we are both in our 40s so come on, that’s really not right at any time. Coward.

Other stuff happened… and a massive storm hit + demolished my town last weekend… and over 100,000 people are still without tower since saturday (it’s 4:17 thursday am now)… communications were lost, internet went down…. My area had everything restored within the first 12 hours but most of the populatiln was not so lucky…

And there’s more…. A lot more… it would take some background to fully understand…

I’m at my wits end. 🚫 Done.

Did i mention that the stress from our terrible storn was rhe last straw for my health and boom my bodt decided to allow me to get sick. Omg send help! (Jk)
 
onlyanimalsaregood

onlyanimalsaregood

Unlovable 💔 Rest in peace CommitSudoku 🤍
Mar 11, 2022
1,141
Hi

I hope it’s ok for me to answer. I haven’t been on the forum for a while… ive been simply trying to cope with basic living…

My gsd mix was 2 months shy of 13 years old when i had to have him put to sleep in March. March 24th. 12:30pm. I’ll never forget feeljng his heart stop beating.

After that 2 “friends” abandoned/turned on/whatevered me…. And my boyfriend (who swore everything was fine literally less than 24 hours prior) dumped me by text. And we are not teenagers… we are both in our 40s so come on, that’s really not right at any time. Coward.

Other stuff happened… and a massive storm hit + demolished my town last weekend… and over 100,000 people are still without tower since saturday (it’s 4:17 thursday am now)… communications were lost, internet went down…. My area had everything restored within the first 12 hours but most of the populatiln was not so lucky…

And there’s more…. A lot more… it would take some background to fully understand…

I’m at my wits end. 🚫 Done.

Did i mention that the stress from our terrible storn was rhe last straw for my health and boom my bodt decided to allow me to get sick. Omg send help! (Jk)
Hi. Nice to meet you. How are you?

Sure, and thanks for coming here to answer :)

I do the same, trying to coping one day at a time. Unfortunately these last few days have been more difficult to deal with.

I'm so sorry you had to go through all that. Life really hasn't been easy for you. I can't imagine what it's like to be left with nothing. I wish I could help you in some way. If you ever feel like talking, just know that you can PM me anytime.
 
R

rationaltake

Enlightened
Sep 28, 2021
1,726
Hello again. How are you doing onlyanimalsaregood? I was thinking of you and how you're grieving. I was exchanging messages with somebody during their final days a couple of weeks ago. It's hard.

I'm so glad you have your catdaughter.
 
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onlyanimalsaregood

onlyanimalsaregood

Unlovable 💔 Rest in peace CommitSudoku 🤍
Mar 11, 2022
1,141
Hello again. How are you doing onlyanimalsaregood? I was thinking of you and how you're grieving. I was exchanging messages with somebody during their final days a couple of weeks ago. It's hard.

I'm so glad you have your catdaughter.
Hello :) I'm good and you? I'm on vacation.

Oh I'm sorry for your loss. It's hard indeed :/ Only time helps.

I hope things get easier for you.
 
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R

rationaltake

Enlightened
Sep 28, 2021
1,726
Hello :) I'm good and you? I'm on vacation.

Oh I'm sorry for your loss. It's hard indeed :/ Only time helps.

I hope things get easier for you.
Thank you. I'm trying not to dwell on things too much. I hope your vacation is going well.

I'm always buying tuna for my neighbour's cat when I go to the shop. He's a pure black cat and he's called Vader.

He's got his own little collection of things which he likes to carry round in his mouth and arrange in a particular way.

As soon as he spots something he likes he's on it. When somebody was teasing him with a face mask he snatched it from their hand and trotted off with it. He took possession of a car windscreen wiper and chewed off all the foam. And he sleeps on a furry hot water bottle cover in the shape of a bear.

🐈‍⬛
 
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Xion

Xion

Please free me from hell.
Jul 5, 2020
385
Share Discover GIF
 
chocolatebar

chocolatebar

Wizard
Jul 11, 2021
691
Hey, @onlyanimalsaregood, you're one of the people who make this world a bit better. Thank you for all of your kindness and for bearing all of my tedious talk and execssive typos
 
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onlyanimalsaregood

onlyanimalsaregood

Unlovable 💔 Rest in peace CommitSudoku 🤍
Mar 11, 2022
1,141
Thank you. I'm trying not to dwell on things too much. I hope your vacation is going well.

I'm always buying tuna for my neighbour's cat when I go to the shop. He's a pure black cat and he's called Vader.

He's got his own little collection of things which he likes to carry round in his mouth and arrange in a particular way.

As soon as he spots something he likes he's on it. When somebody was teasing him with a face mask he snatched it from their hand and trotted off with it. He took possession of a car windscreen wiper and chewed off all the foam. And he sleeps on a furry hot water bottle cover in the shape of a bear.

🐈‍⬛
Exactly, I think you're right. Just try to occupy your time and mind :)

Ahahah so sweet. Thank you for sharing those moments, the cat seems lovely. Animais are just amazing 🤗
Dogs Love GIF by Chippy the Dog

Hey, @onlyanimalsaregood, you're one of the people who make this world a bit better. Thank you for all of your kindness and for bearing all of my tedious talk and execssive typos
Ohhh you don't have to thank me 🤗 I really do it through the heart. Thank you so much for your kind words and support as well. You're truly a good person, don't forget that :)
 
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