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existentialcrisis

Member
Dec 22, 2021
15
Born poor in India, My goal was to get into the top technical institute, worked hard during childhood, missing childhood fun. Got into India's no 1 Institute. First semester Grandma and Uncle passed away. Death made me nihilistic and lazy. Now it's uncertainty of getting a job is affecting me lot more than my existential thoughts. When my batchmates have got into top companies and good PhD options, I might end up Jobless. Depression has clouded my memory and my intelligence
I am giving myself 6 months to avoid my CTB coz I love my parents; I always lived for them

6 months plan of action
January: Machine Learning
February:Coding
March:Apply for Internships
April: Do 15 projects
May:Do 15 projects
June:Apply offcampus jobs

If I end up jobless:
Then I will teach Orphans for 6 more months> If my problem still persists I will CTB.

I will share my daily goals and hourly updates here.
 
4eyebiped

4eyebiped

Mage
Dec 28, 2019
572
Good structure. It looks good. It is great to be organized and have a solid plan. There are so many free resources online for all types of coding. Always feel free to hit up the various discords, forums, YouTube and anyone else available to you if you start to struggle with any concept. Plus, you get to see many examples of usage. Best wishes to you and we all look forward to the updates.
 
uselesswaste

uselesswaste

Member
Dec 4, 2021
58
Edited. I have also given myself a 6 months to get my life together.

I'm trying to do various stuff, I don't know if I can do it.

I'm here rooting for you.
 
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eternalpeace

eternalpeace

Student
Dec 19, 2021
143
Born poor in India, My goal was to get into the top technical institute, worked hard during childhood, missing childhood fun. Got into India's no 1 Institute. First semester Grandma and Uncle passed away. Death made me nihilistic and lazy. Now it's uncertainty of getting a job is affecting me lot more than my existential thoughts. When my batchmates have got into top companies and good PhD options, I might end up Jobless. Depression has clouded my memory and my intelligence
I am giving myself 6 months to avoid my CTB coz I love my parents; I always lived for them

6 months plan of action
January: Machine Learning
February:Coding
March:Apply for Internships
April: Do 15 projects
May:Do 15 projects
June:Apply offcampus jobs

If I end up jobless:
Then I will teach Orphans for 6 more months> If my problem still persists I will CTB.

I will share my daily goals and hourly updates here.
Thanks for sharing your goals. Good luck with everything! Keep us posted!
 
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existentialcrisis

Member
Dec 22, 2021
15
TOMORROW'S GOAL(30-12-2021)

8 AM-1:45 PM-DEEP LEARNING LECTURES WEEK 4
2 PM-4:30 PM-DEEP LEARNING LECTURES WEEK 5
5 PM-8:45 PM-DEEP LEARNING LECTURES WEEK 5
9 PM-7 AM-SLEEP
8am-9am-Nothing
9am-10am-nothing
10am-11am-two lectures
Main Procrastination:
My Educational Startup thoughts
Postpone it till June

Now your main priority is getting a job: After getting a job offer you can think about your startup
 
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existentialcrisis

Member
Dec 22, 2021
15
Why I should refrain from CTB?
1,Negative Utilitarianism: You will cause suffering to your parents and your sibling
2,Natural Death exists: Your suffering ends one day
3,You can't convince your sister about antinatalism; atleast you can help your niece or nephews
4,My college brand name and alumni network might help me in my future
5,You can start a prodigy school for orphans where you can teach them big concepts at young age and help their existence
6, My alumni network might help my niece and nephew in their career. Using that I can also help my orphan prodigies
7,My mere existence indirectly leads to anthropogenic extinction of some species; thereby preventing wildlife suffering and extinction of a key species can lead to human extinction. No Life no suffering-no sisyphus rolling stone over mountain
8,Nihilism: Embrace it and enjoy the ego death experiences
Past self: Look, I worked hard when you were supposed to be enjoying like other kids, you made the choice of working hard. Now with the college name your Dad has boasted about you in society-if you don't succeed-he will be very disappointed. Also your past self will be disappointed

Present Self: I am burned out. hey hear me past self, you were brain washed by society to think pain now, gain tomorrow. Instead it is pain till retirement followed by physical pain of old age. Anyway I will get a good job to satisfy my Dad and work for 1 year. Then I will resign and start my company

Future Self: Starting a company comes with more risks, so better gain experience by working in a company. Maybe You can start it after 2 years of job experience. There's a high chance your past self(hardwork) will lead to suicide if you end up jobless.
Limit yourself to job preparation to avoid CTB
 
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nopointofliving

nopointofliving

Warrior
Apr 19, 2021
516
Hey dear,
I'm proud of your attempts to make your life better. Losing someone we love is never easy, yet you passed through this intense pain and come back to fight again.
Your plan is pretty good, and don't be disappointed if u dont follow the plan precisely. Whatever you do is enough and more than enough.
Just know, you aren't late, you're still young, and there are always many opportunities ahead. Your friends got many chances, good for them, you will also get many chances at the right time, and these chances will fit your position only.
Let me tell you, I'm 29 years old, and I'll turn 30 next year in July. I think we are in the same IT field, and I haven't studied Machine Learning yet, never got a regular job. Still trying to learn some technologies here and there, and trying to build my life up with something little I have. I see light for you, you can do more, you can learn many things, and achieve more in your life, you can also apply for online jobs, and have more opportunities there. You can move on from where you are to a better place. I believe in you, much love <3

"Do not figure out big plans at first, but begin slowly, feel your ground and proceed up and up"
 
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existentialcrisis

Member
Dec 22, 2021
15
It's good that SS moved this thread to Recovery.
My strategy is Adaptive Nihilism.
Even though I know everything is pointless, I will align with the goals of my parents. They suffered during their life. Now it's their retirement age, I have to atleast make them happy during this age for the hardships they faced before.
Contemplate the size and time of Universe: Use this to get the courage to do anything and to be happy

Now goals regarding my upcoming semester.
I got an X grade for not doing project. I will join a computational lab and finish it this semester
I will only take one course this semester: Autonomous Navigation and get an A+ for that course-Impress the Prof for a research assistant position.
My scholarship got cancelled due to my academic failure. I have to restrict myself to 1 meal per day

Backup Plan: Use my college brand name and start a coaching class, Approach Entrance coaching centres for job, Research Assistant positions, My educational start up, teach orphans, Join NGOs etc
Today I will not post any updates, Today's main goal is to sleep from 9pm-7am
I am late to sleep by 15 minutes. Getting a good night sleep is the best thing I can do to myself.
 
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existentialcrisis

Member
Dec 22, 2021
15
Adaptive Nihilism-Since your goal is to make your parents happy and they are part of the central part of the Gaussian curve. You have to conform with the societal values and norms.
God being the perfect being bored with the monotonous existence and lack of objective purpose, morals, values decided to get out of God's Nihilism by becoming imperfect being through the act of creation. God being the most complex being has more challenges, pain and suicidal thoughts compared to a tree which is less complex than God. it's the suffering which makes you value joy. can happiness have value without pain.

What are the good things which happened due to your depression?
1, Antinatalism
2, Living for parents till their death
3, Living for my sister . I will be there for her and her kids during their hardships. rB-C>0

New year Resolution: Sleep more than 7 hours

Happy New Year
Tomorrow onwards I will know the value of things. My mess validity expires today and my bank balance is low, so I have to restrict myself to 1 meal. Maybe Hunger can help me get out of my nihilistic thoughts. You wished you were in a hunter gatherer society to avoid nihilistic thoughts. Now you have got the chance to experience real hunger.
Maybe you are a narcissist who is too much afraid to accept human mortality and searching for objective purpose.

Be realistic and accept that you can survive with subjective purpose: Your survival and your close relatives (rB-C>0) and just look at a new born baby, it cries during discomfort and smiles during comfort. same way you should move away from pain and suffering. Choose to be happy and there is no point in being sad when you ultimately know your sadness doesn't have any objective value. You are here for a small period in this world and why do you want to be sad by overthinking.
 
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existentialcrisis

Member
Dec 22, 2021
15
I am gaining momentum and clarity in life
Adaptive Nihilism:
Nature(genetic) vs Nurture(cultural)
I have to do things which align with the genetic program and cultural programming. All I want to do is make my parents happy.
What should I do to make an Indian parent happy?
Your past self enjoyed victories, but you questioned cultural and genetic programming and ended up nihilistic.

what is life without these programming? You will be bored, A perfect god might be bored without challenges. An imperfect god likes the challenges associated with its complex nature.

So next goal is getting a good job; you can't be antiwork-you are not a privileged kid

Goals list: Job, Civil service exam- Do everything you can to make them happy and when you are at oldage, you can be happy you lived for them
 
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existentialcrisis

Member
Dec 22, 2021
15
Was busy with my project work, so I couldn't post my goals

This semester I am taking 28 credits
Machine Learning for Signal Processing (3:1)
Deep Learning for Computer Vision(3:1)
Project(0:20)

Only thing I have to do is to suppress my nihilistic thoughts

By the end of this semester I will have a research paper
Think about the good things happened due to your depression
Antinatalism: Because of your depression you will save millions of humans from existence.
Freedom:Death liberates me from every social constructs, except family and my love towards them

Now stop thinking philosophical stuff and enjoy life
 
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