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Rustysoupcan

Rustysoupcan

I'm sensitive
Joined
May 2, 2020
Messages
157
I dont understand how I'm just suppose to keep going while being so depressed. Medications and therapy are not working for me. I dont see any sort of future for myself. I dont know what to do. The only thing keeping me from suicide is my boyfriend because I dont want to hurt him and would struggle so much with school, I dont know if he would graduate. I dont want to set him up for a bad life just because of my choices. I guess I just dont know what to do.
 
GenesAndEnvironment

GenesAndEnvironment

Average ctb enjoyer
Joined
Jan 26, 2021
Messages
3,793
From my point of view (fuck science) therapy and meds are worse than dog shit. I believe in exercise and having achievable goals whilst being able to never compare yourself to others coupled together with an ok-ish "escape plan" in case China starts revving up, tech-giants start rolling out the life-extension torture machines, etc.
 
muffin222

muffin222

Enlightened
Joined
Mar 31, 2020
Messages
1,222
I'm so sorry you're feeling hopeless. It's such an overpowering and suffocating feeling- it makes you feel like nothing you do to try to move forward is worth the hassle.

Is it possible for you to just accept where you are right now and just work from there? By that I mean, can you just accept to yourself, "Okay, I feel completely hopeless right now and I don't see how I'll ever feel better, but I'm going to keep taking small steps anyway and see where it leads me"?

It's okay to not know what to do. It's okay to feel hopeless and lost and overwhelmed by the prospect of recovery when the pain feels insurmountable. It's okay to be where you are right now. When we attempt recovery, sometimes we can feel frustrated and hopeless because we don't see how we're ever going to reach the light at the end of the tunnel.

But, we don't necessarily need to know the "how" in order to take the action steps forward. I've found that as I keep experimenting with different treatment options and taking those tiny action steps , the how is slowly revealing itself and the path ahead is becoming much clearer.

It's okay to do the absolute bare minimum required to function in your daily life and to feel hopeless while doing so at first. That's normal, I believe.

Perhaps you can view it as an experiment, like "I don't know if I believe I have a future, but I'm going to pretend like I do and take the small steps I'd need to take if I DID have a future". This line of thinking might sound strange, but I have utilized it myself, sometimes for months at a time, and I found that "faking it" eventually led me towards genuine feelings of hope and improvement. The change does take time as well as trial and error, though.

I hope this is helpful for you :heart: :hug:
 
T

timf

Arcanist
Joined
Mar 26, 2020
Messages
426
Trying to get out of feeling hopeless would require having hope. To this end it can be a useful exercise to clarify what hope actually is. People use the word as a substitute for wishing like when they hope to win the lottery. However, actual hope needs to rest on something.

The bible describes faith as the evidence of things hoped for. (here it needs to be clarified that the word translated "faith" is better translated trust). This sheds a little light on the basis for hope, that in which we trust. This can be a promise from someone or the result of experience (like trusting the sun will come up tomorrow).

It is possible (especially when things become dark) to loose sight of better times or even your own past successes. Some famous generals like Stonewall Jackson and George Patton are quoted as having said, "Don't take counsel of your fears". By this they meant that a battle can be lost by simply allowing negative speculations to paralyze them.

For this reason hope is not something optional that would be nice to have, but essential. You already have one ray of hope and that is what you can do for your boyfriend. It might be useful to reflect on the other people you know and give yourself credit for how important you are to them as well. When you add consideration of past successes, you may begin to anticipate future ones as well which can also bolster hope.
 

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