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Jun 18, 2018
Yesterday I was in bed depressed all day. I missed my doctors appointment and I also felt like dropping my classes and spending all my time at the public library trying to complete the books on my reading list that I can’t stop obsessing about.

Today I felt alright and that I could complete the semester. I don’t want to keep oscillating between these 2 feelings.


Apr 27, 2018
Mood management .

Emotional management .

Get out of denial about it ?

Take it seriously and address any suspect 'issues' that may be weighing in upon it.

Physically , nutrition , diet , exercise , sleep , social / personal /intimate / aspect to the self .

do you have a rational 'idea' 'scape ( model ) of your world ? ( it's a work in progress that improves with more data ..... )

Does anything at all seem under control ?

Is it all crazy and just fitting into the provided system or are you driving a part of it yourself ?

Control is power .... can you grasp some power in your world ? " I control the amount of 'x' going on in my life because I understand it impacts on my mood immediately / an hour later / the next day "

Diary of the minutiae ... what you do every day ... what happens the next day ... action / reaction .
Information is power ... learn about your personal process .

Are there any cliches I've missed ?

Oh yeah .... mindfullness .

I love this board but I really should leave .

Mysticism might help ... spirituality .... you are the only you there will ever be .

Profoundly unique consciousness .

You deserve to have power over your emotional world.

We are social beings ... allow time to fascilitate a natural growth of social interactions that evolve into a social
network. It really matters . Socially transact on your terms ... with your values .... allow yourself to evolve , bend , adapt , maybe let go of old processes that no longer work for you .

I'm all cliche'd out now .

( I just had an interesting social time tonight , as a lifetime social anxiety sufferer ... I've been in a new location for two years and just went to a community meeting that because of a few random individual contacts was actually quite enjoyable ... and I didn't have a panic attack .... ( used to be normal in a room full of people ).... so thats where all of that is coming from .)

I'm feeling bad about not argueing these things with others in the past ... especially here as it's 'pro choice ' . but you did ask ....

I'm probably wrong .


Apr 27, 2018
I don't think the human brain is built to feel good all the time so even people who actually "have the perfect lives" or "have it going on"
feel depressed from time to time for no reason at all..


I spent a lifetime ( and I may only be in a temporary respite ... being realistic ugh ) " toxically depressed"

Jargon shmargon ... what do I mean ?

I mean 'inauthentically' depressed ... for inherited , programmed social reasons ... a whole box of greasy slippery mysterious mind fucking 'is it up or down or even real ? ' kind of downer producing stuff.

Healthy ups and downs are just normal I think .

It's the nose dive into the abyss that is the toxic one ... and everyone has there triggers and reasons ...

Thats why I always rattle on about keeping a track of our experiences , analysing our history and 'building a model' of our interior world.

The whole inner world modeling is a bit of a jungle , let alone the fact that there are oooooodles of different disciplines pumping full steam on their 'model' of it all .

edit to add .....

and in relation to the therapy / consciousness modeling jungle ....

I think one has to hammer a piton into the rock face any old where and at least use that as a point of comparison to other points of view while one is traversing the rock face .... maybe it was in the wrong place ... well , you only know that because you've found a better one in comparison ....
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