BellaKAT

BellaKAT

Student
May 20, 2018
171
being suicidal I assume many of you also experience depression, immense sadness and loneliness. For various reasons not all of us are able to ctb today - otherwise this site would not exist.
I'm wondering how you cope with those painful feelings that make you feel like you want to die on a daily basis?
 
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DF90

DF90

Experienced
Mar 18, 2018
275
Discord. I probably wouldn't be here if it wasn't for discord. I'm very active user and have made a ton of friends the past few months. I talk, play games, and watch movies/shows with them. It keeps me busy and social for the most part, which keeps me distracted and relatively content.

I also drink quite a bit. I've started forcing myself to go on drives or walks a few times a week. If nothing else works I just sleep.
 
Pedrester

Pedrester

Member
Apr 27, 2018
22
Drinking, crying and all of you. Drinking makes me stop overthinking, letting the smallest of problems wreck me and helps me forget for a few hours how shitty my life is. Crying is a way for me to vent and avoid feeling empty and soulless, I also feel like my brain was sort of washed and restarted after a long crying section. This website since it I can relate to all of you, making me feel a bit less lonely. Lastly I plan on starting to cut. My cutting kit is ready I just haven't found a time to be alone to do it. Although it will probably tomorrow. Great question OP.
 
Tiburcio

Tiburcio

Voluntary deletion.
May 9, 2018
1,573
Yeah nothing like 20 beers for forget your life is a shit.

And if you mix them with benzos, even better.
 
anna

anna

downfall
Mar 18, 2018
441
Practically no longer find relief or distraction in anything
I try, but the pain and the desire to die is stronger than anything
Get up crying, spend the day crying, lie down crying
Only impotence and pain.
 
Imaginos

Imaginos

Full-time layabout
Apr 7, 2018
638
Not much, but I get by. Not very well mind you, but I do. It's not like I have much choice, given my shortcomings. Most prominent being on how I just can't seem to get my ticket punched to the great dead sea of non-existence, but oh well. Perhaps the worm will turn someday.

I'm also crying a lot more than usual, so there's that. I hadn't cried for years, yet recently (as in the last few months now) it's been jumping up on me here and there. Not like it matters, I guess. My whole state of affairs is just Mindless Self Indulgence's "It Gets Worse" on repeat, basically.

 
E

Elaina

Member
May 16, 2018
96
I can't listen to music because it sings of love I don't have. I can't watch movies or tv shows because I can't relate to the characters. I don't really enjoy anything anymore. I don't have any hobbies I just spend my time on Reddit in bed or on 8chan suicide/ here. Sort if this sounds emo it's just the truth.
 
ondodera

ondodera

Unfortunately alive.
Mar 17, 2018
22
Struggling to find a way to cope at the moment, sorta distract myself with reddit but that's about it.
 
Bouts of depression

Bouts of depression

Member
Apr 28, 2018
13
Reminding myself of reasons why I haven't ended it yet. When it gets real dark and I can't even think that those are valid reasons / it would all be better without me, I try to force myself to talk to people. I am married. She knows about my problems. She is ultimately supportive.

And as of just a few days ago, weed. I have never even drunk or taken a drug that was not prescribed to me. But I have a buddy with similar issues, though not quite as dark as I get, and it helped him quite a bit.

It has only been a few days, so I can't say definitively it is my answer. But it has helped. I don't find myself drifting to thinking about my plan for a way out to perfect it. I don't find myself thinking that everything is pointless and everything I am involved in would be better if I weren't involved in it.

I do still sometimes just want to hide from the world. But even then, it isn't quite as dark as a week ago.

We'll see how it turns out.

Before all this, my common comfort was knowing I had a surefire way out. So I planned it all and a few other ways to perfection. I know without a doubt I could end it any time I wanted. That helps sometimes. To know you are in control.

I do hate the idea that I have to be medicated in some way to avoid wanting to kill myself. But the alternative really is just ending it. So I guess this is where I stay for now.
 
Imaginos

Imaginos

Full-time layabout
Apr 7, 2018
638
I want to change my answer. The Idea of being able to cope with any of this at all is a bad joke.

tumblr_o6olu3zSnx1uy31wmo1_500.jpg
 
BellaKAT

BellaKAT

Student
May 20, 2018
171
Thanks for all the replies, the only that makes me not cbt today is hope. My main reason for ctb is health issues and how it affects my confidence and my life. That teeny tiny hope that I might find a way to manage it enough or to recover even though I've been trying without success for years. That's the only thing.
 
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