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LostSoul1609

LostSoul1609

Experienced
Joined
Mar 9, 2021
Messages
247
I think I could work it out if only I had some support from people, I don't think it's possible to crawl through a difficult life on your own, problem is even when I manage to find people that are okay with me they always turn out with toxic behaviours. All the people I manage to socialize with eventually go away for usually no reason. The psychologists I've been to usually tell me it's my fault when I bring out this issue, but even looking back at it I struggle finding that many terrible behaviours for me that would justify most people leaving out of the blue, insulting me or snap at me.
 
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everydayiloveyou

Arcanist
Joined
Jul 5, 2020
Messages
406
Why would your psychs say that this is your fault? That's a really weird and inappropriate thing to say. Did they suggest that you pushed them away or said inappropriate things to make them snap? Or was it something else?
 
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timf

Arcanist
Joined
Mar 26, 2020
Messages
470
When we deal with our own individual issues, it is sometimes easy to loose sight of the fact that we live unusual times. Our consumer society tends to make people think in terms of their preferences. One might even think of a mixed marriage as one person who likes Chevy and one who like Ford.

One effect of this societal trend is that people have a preference for people like themselves. 100 years ago people who had what Reader's Digest called "Interesting character" were sometimes endearing or even held with regard.

Today one of the greatest social sins one can commit is to make someone feel uncomfortable. Those of us lacking what might be called social compliance may come to stick out like a sore thumb and be seen as an unwelcome intruder in contemporary social circles.

Social rejection can come suddenly like a person during WWI whose friends discovered that he was of German extraction.

One solution to this is to search out for individuals and groups that have a broader tolerance for acceptance. If you are looking for people who exist in a small distribution is society, you have to churn through a lot who will dismiss you first. In the movie "The Big Short" one character is described as meeting his wife on a dating web site. He described himself as a medical student who was $90,000 in debt, had one eye, and was socially awkward. The woman who was to become his wife replied that he was exactley what she was looking for, honest.
 
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rollertoasterbaby

rollertoasterbaby

New Member
Joined
Aug 25, 2021
Messages
3
LostSoul1609 said:
I think I could work it out if only I had some support from people, I don't think it's possible to crawl through a difficult life on your own, problem is even when I manage to find people that are okay with me they always turn out with toxic behaviours. All the people I manage to socialize with eventually go away for usually no reason. The psychologists I've been to usually tell me it's my fault when I bring out this issue, but even looking back at it I struggle finding that many terrible behaviours for me that would justify most people leaving out of the blue, insulting me or snap at me.
i like your icon
 
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Celerity

Celerity

Living life at a crossroads, always
Joined
Jan 24, 2021
Messages
1,608
Without knowing you better, there are a lot of possibilities here.

I relate pretty strongly to the idea of having anxious-avoidant attachment. Have you heard about attachment theory before?

I think there are a number of reasons I am so alone. Between my faults/quirks and other people’s/society’s, I think it’s a bit of Column A and a bit of Column B.

Regardless of whose “fault” it is, it fucking sucks though. I have my family now, and that is it. Do you have anyone you can confide in?
 
Makko

Makko

Iä!
Joined
Jan 17, 2021
Messages
2,176
LostSoul1609 said:
I struggle finding that many terrible behaviours for me that would justify most people leaving out of the blue, insulting me or snap at me.
You have this backwards. People need to be actively motivated to stay and care about you, otherwise they will leave/shut you out.
 

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