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Deadinside24

Deadinside24

Experienced
Aug 7, 2018
245
Just to clarify, not us here but everyone out there. Whenever I go to work or go outside into the world, people are laughing and having a good time. I can't even remember the last time I was truly happy. In fact, I don't even know what that feels like anymore.

Even days when I feel like I'm okay, the feeling passes after a while and I just sink back into this depression where suicide looks more and more warming and welcoming. It's like a giant storm cloud following me all over the place. When I'm at work or with other people, I have to put on this happy face. My whole life over the last decade has been like one, big lie. It's like living two different lives; the one the world sees, and the one that no one sees. I am hella craving booze right now just to not feel any of it but I know where that leads me to and if I sabotage my life enough (which is something I am an expert at), then I am sure I will ctb.

The thing is, it isn't so much that I want to die, but more that I just don't want to live. It's like we are brought into this world, forced to go to school and then forced to work just to keep on living a life that we didn't even ask for.

I'd give anything just to love life and be happy but that just seems like a distant fantasy at this point. Maybe it was a fantasy from the beginning...
 
FullFat

FullFat

^best order at Micky-D's ever
Apr 27, 2018
375
I get you. It's very hard to relate to people nowadays. It feels like I don't have anything in common with just about anyone. What riveting topics will we discuss? How much time I lost today while I stared anxiously at the wall? How many times I hit myself this week and what makeup I used to cover it up? Or how fast Ambien can knock a person out after they crush it and sling it back with vodka?
 
M

medusa

Student
Sep 1, 2018
175
Just to clarify, not us here but everyone out there. Whenever I go to work or go outside into the world, people are laughing and having a good time. I can't even remember the last time I was truly happy. In fact, I don't even know what that feels like anymore.

Even days when I feel like I'm okay, the feeling passes after a while and I just sink back into this depression where suicide looks more and more warming and welcoming. It's like a giant storm cloud following me all over the place. When I'm at work or with other people, I have to put on this happy face. My whole life over the last decade has been like one, big lie. It's like living two different lives; the one the world sees, and the one that no one sees. I am hella craving booze right now just to not feel any of it but I know where that leads me to and if I sabotage my life enough (which is something I am an expert at), then I am sure I will ctb.

The thing is, it isn't so much that I want to die, but more that I just don't want to live. It's like we are brought into this world, forced to go to school and then forced to work just to keep on living a life that we didn't even ask for.

I'd give anything just to love life and be happy but that just seems like a distant fantasy at this point. Maybe it was a fantasy from the beginning...

I think most people aren't too happy but you can't walk through life with a frown so you turn that frown upside down.
Most people don't want to die and that is why they slog on through things. And life does have its precious moments as well
 
D

Deleted_9cKnXB34QG

Mage
Jun 26, 2018
502
It's like we are brought into this world, forced to go to school and then forced to work just to keep on living a life that we didn't even ask for.
Yup. You emerge from nothingness and suddenly you have all these obligations and responsibilities that are just pilling up with age. And people expect various things from you just because you exist. Go to school, study hard, get a job, get married, buy a house...
Like what the fuck? I don't recall signing a contract for being a productive member of society. I didn't ask for any of this, why is everyone expecting me to participate?

I don't understand how can anyone be OK with the way things are, especially with the working for 40+ years part. You're basically a slave, how can you be happy?
 
M

medusa

Student
Sep 1, 2018
175
Yup. You emerge from nothingness and suddenly you have all these obligations and responsibilities that are just pilling up with age. And people expect various things from you just because you exist. Go to school, study hard, get a job, get married, buy a house...
Like what the fuck? I don't recall signing a contract for being a productive member of society. I didn't ask for any of this, why is everyone expecting me to participate?

I don't understand how can anyone be OK with the way things are, especially with the working for 40+ years part. You're basically a slave, how can you be happy?
if your job is bearable or you even like what you are doing it's not too bad
 
D

Deleted member 1465

_
Jul 31, 2018
6,925
They are all secretly on Prozac. It'll wear off...
 
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Angst Filled Fuck Up

Angst Filled Fuck Up

Super duper enlightened
Sep 9, 2018
1,699
I'm always somber with a default expression of "don't even think about talking to me." I'm definitely not someone who smiles or laughs freely or easily. Life has always felt serious and difficult for me, so it's become almost inconceivable that someone could simply be letting loose and having a good time. I just have no idea what that even feels like, and can't relate to anyone because of it. I never had friends either, I just couldn't ever be bothered with them because everyone felt so alien to me. It made socializing difficult and tiring. Now I've just become this sort of stone faced, isolated shell of a person living a non-life.
 
DeathBecomesMe

DeathBecomesMe

Student
Sep 9, 2018
143
They appear to be happy because: (either 1, more than 1 or all could apply)

1. They lack intelligence.
2. They lack knowledge.
3. They are ignorant.
4. They are too worried about other people getting ahead to have time to be unhappy. (going backwards)
5. They could be worried about what other people think about them, therefore they must look happy.
6. They are uncaring.
7.They are too selfish and self-absorbed in acquiring material things and more money in order to surpass or match their peers. (This is the one that applies most I feel, and the person that I resent the most)

Either the above; they've had it easy/lucky; or they lack life experience.
 
akosineenee

akosineenee

Invisible idiot
Aug 22, 2018
224
Idk but whenever I see a happy group of people 'Shinny Happy People' by R.E.M. comes to mind. They come across as fake like plastic people with ominous smiles.
7.They are too selfish and self-absorbed in acquiring material things and more money in order to surpass or match their peers. (This is the one that applies most I feel, and the person that I resent the most).
I agree on this one. We live in a meritocratic world where too much emotional rewards are given/associated with the acquisition of material things. Many people judge your worth by your job description, how much money you have in your account, how many vacation houses you own, the clothes you wear etc. If you're at the very top you're labelled as 'talented' and 'driven.' But if you're at the bottom you're 'lazy' and deserving of what life has handed down to you. The thought of misfortune and luck is dismissed. They don't understand that bad things can happen to good people.
 
Hite ES

Hite ES

Professional life hater
Sep 8, 2018
18
When I'm at work or with other people, I have to put on this happy face.

That's exactly what everyone else is doing! Happiness is an illusion. People have to constantly kid themselves that they're happy in order to go on living and tolerating the absurdity of life. Some of us (such as myself) are no good at, or have little to no interest in pretending to be happy. Don't get me wrong though, I still like to have a good laugh, I just can't be around people for too long. After about 60 seconds I have to make my excuses and leave!
 
Tiburcio

Tiburcio

Voluntary deletion.
May 9, 2018
1,573
Yup. You emerge from nothingness and suddenly you have all these obligations and responsibilities that are just pilling up with age. And people expect various things from you just because you exist. Go to school, study hard, get a job, get married, buy a house...
Like what the fuck? I don't recall signing a contract for being a productive member of society. I didn't ask for any of this, why is everyone expecting me to participate?

I don't understand how can anyone be OK with the way things are, especially with the working for 40+ years part. You're basically a slave, how can you be happy?
I feel exactly like this. Thanks for posting this, I related with this a lot.
 
W

WanderingEremite

Member
Jul 16, 2018
56
Most people are happy for evolutionary reasons -- it wouldn't be adaptive to be any other way: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/m/pubmed/25253069/.

"a large number of studies from virtually all nations in the world show that 'most people are happy' . . . . Most studies show that the mean levels of life satisfaction and affect balance are above neutral, regardless of people’s life circumstances."

Depressed and unhappy people seem to like to comfort themselves by pretending everyone is miserable. Sorry guys, but that's just not how it is, though I understand the temptation to think that way. Truth is, we got the shit deal in life, but lots of people, maybe most people, didn't. They really are happy.
 
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DeathBecomesMe

DeathBecomesMe

Student
Sep 9, 2018
143
Most people are happy for evolutionary reasons -- it wouldn't be adaptive to be any other way: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/m/pubmed/25253069/.

"a large number of studies from virtually all nations in the world show that 'most people are happy' . . . . Most studies show that the mean levels of life satisfaction and affect balance are above neutral, regardless of people’s life circumstances."

Depressed and unhappy people seem to like to comfort themselves by pretending everyone is miserable. Sorry guys, but that's just not how it is, though I understand the temptation to think that way. Truth is, we got the shit deal in life, but lots of people, maybe most people, didn't. They really are happy.
Yes so a lot of them are 'genuinely' happy, therefore my list still applies as to an explanation for their apparent happiness.:devil:

This brings me to conclude that they have adapted to be happy in these times, a phony, bankrupt age of material fascination and virtue signaling, a moral low ground which ultimately isn't very flattering of their character. Not everyone! Just some, I was sort of happy, more content and accepting actually, 12 months ago. Like you say, the shit then got dealt!
 
Hite ES

Hite ES

Professional life hater
Sep 8, 2018
18
I saw a comment.

1000+ pages :nomouth:


Can you make me a resume please? I would be very glad of it.

Haha! The book itself says that you only have to read the first 45 pages. The rest of the book just goes into more detail.

However, here is the short conclusion:

"There is no freedom/choice/option of an instant/painless/effortless/guaranteed/permanent way out of life (and existence), therefore, life (and existence) is prison/torture/slavery/rape, and therefore, life (and existence) is survival of the stupidest."

You can also check out the YouTube playlist that I added to end of the post. One of the videos plays the audio of the book, others have a few quotes.
 
Tiburcio

Tiburcio

Voluntary deletion.
May 9, 2018
1,573
Haha! The book itself says that you only have to read the first 45 pages. The rest of the book just goes into more detail.

However, here is the short conclusion:

"There is no freedom/choice/option of an instant/painless/effortless/guaranteed/permanent way out of life (and existence), therefore, life (and existence) is prison/torture/slavery/rape, and therefore, life (and existence) is survival of the stupidest."

You can also check out the YouTube playlist that I added to end of the post. One of the videos plays the audio of the book, others have a few quotes.
Thanks! I'll probably take a look when I have some time.
 
W

WanderingEremite

Member
Jul 16, 2018
56
so evolution hates me for some unknowable reason?

Not unknowable. But the answer is depressing.

Mutation is part of the evolutionary process, because the mechanisms responsible for DNA replication are imperfect. A very small subset of mutations are beneficial. But the vast majority are harmful.

Poor mental health is heritable, and molecular genetic studies have confirmed that mental illnesses are associated with harmful mutations. People who are chronically miserable and suicidal may be as such because they're burdened with deleterious mutations.
 
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Caustic Cardinals

Caustic Cardinals

Enlightened
Sep 1, 2018
1,340
It isn't unknowable. Happy people are more likely to raise happy kids, and the cycle goes on. For the most part, people like us self-select ourselves out of the breeding pool.
you have no idea how true that is for me
 
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G

GeorgeEastman

Arcanist
Sep 3, 2018
473
Where is this? Everybody I see seems even more miserable than I am. It's sour puss planet. Yet somehow they want to keep living? I don't get it. If I hated life as much as they seem to, maybe I'd have already done it. What are they waiting on? What am I waiting on?
 
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W

WanderingEremite

Member
Jul 16, 2018
56
Where is this? Everybody I see seems even more miserable than I am. It's sour puss planet. Yet somehow they want to keep living? I don't get it. If I hated life as much as they seem to, maybe I'd have already done it. What are they waiting on? What am I waiting on?

Are you in an Eastern European country by any chance? EE countries are quite unhappy in international context.