BPDprisoner

BPDprisoner

Member
Jul 4, 2018
8
I first remember thinking of suicide when i tried to drown myself in the bathtub when i was 8. I dont remember much of being young but know i was thinking about my own suicide for a while before then.

But now i am 26 and i would say i have thought about my suicide daily for the past 5 years. Not a single day has gone by without even thinking about it.
 
S

Sternum

Student
May 12, 2018
121
I have wanted to cease existing for 15 years. I have been serious about suicide for 3 years. I hope I have the strength to end it soon. Intellectually, I am already dead (or at least a philosophical zombie, from The Conspiracy Against the Human Race); emotionally, it has been difficult to overcome the survival instinct.
 
Deivis

Deivis

Seul contre tous
Jul 23, 2018
235
Since 12 if memory serves right. I'm 42 now - so that is 30 years straight.

Always wanted it. I remember I resolved to buy a poison at age of 12 (because many characters use poisons in adventure books) and one sly foxy guy told me that he has got one. He said, however: "Dont drink it, you need to inhale it, and you'll pass out". I traded it for toy cars or soldiers, but it appeared to be some medicinal liquid, formaldehyde I think. He scammed me :)

I'm positive that it's my nature, if it has been with me for all of my life. I don't mind.
 
Ashpac

Ashpac

Lost and always will be.
Jul 22, 2018
797
Everyday for 15 years. I held on because I believed life would get better and I would get justice for what happened. Now im 31 I did not get my justice and life means nothing to me. Its been like this for a while now. It was only this year where I started to experiment with methods and failed a few times but Im confident my next attempt is the final.
 
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F

Final Escape

I’ve been here too long
Jul 8, 2018
4,353
I would say since I started prostitution at around 34. I’ve struggled with suicide ideation all my life but it got worse when I became a hooker for a living. It also became progressively worse on adderall. I been on that since 25 with few short breaks. Longest one was 3 months off. I basically couldn’t hold any type of job off amphetamine bc shit like time management is a nightmare. Motivation, mornings, being on time.
 
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C

Comatose11

Mage
Jul 26, 2018
576
I first had a suicidal thought 11 years ago. It’s been consistent for 6-7 years now.
 
Deivis

Deivis

Seul contre tous
Jul 23, 2018
235
I would say since I started prostitution at around 34.

Sad to hear that. The silver lining is that your avatar is probably the most "kawai" (cute) in the whole forum :)
If reincarnation is true (it's not, but lets just say it is), wish we all wind up an a cat paradise :)
 
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agreement

agreement

Mage
Mar 26, 2018
544
First attempt at 14 (36 years ago) then on and off and again on and again off.
Now seriously ON for the last two years.
 
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JayZT

JayZT

Member
Jul 12, 2018
96
How long have i wanted to die?
2-4 years
How long have I lost all hope and tagged myself suicidal?
A few months
 
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mattwitt

mattwitt

# 978
Jun 28, 2018
2,307
I started thinking about it around 5 years ago. Then about 2 years ago I started planning and preparing.
Now I'm just waiting and might not see 2019 (And I'm fine with that)
 
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Gray Wounds

Gray Wounds

A Phantasmagoria
Jun 27, 2018
531
I've posted before tht I've only been suicidal since I was 16. But these past few weeks, my mind enabled me to remember the fact that it is wrong.

I've been suicidal since I was a kid. Of course, i cannot remember on what age. But I can seriously remember how I will always attempt to push the point of the knife to my heart and just end it all. Sometimes, I bang my head loudly to the walls, thinking that I might bleed out or anything. But no. I didn't. So, yeah.
 
Imaginos

Imaginos

Full-time layabout
Apr 7, 2018
638
I've wanted to escape from the snare of existence for what is essentially my entire life, but as far as direct suicidal thoughts are concerned, that started round about when I was 12-13. Jumping out in front of a passing car/bus is one of the earliest fantasies I can recall. All in a desperate desire to flee from this accursed world. These days, I'm lucky if I think, or feel anything, but those same suicidal thoughts are always with me. Always.
 
A

Adei

New Member
Jul 24, 2018
2
I wanted to kill myself when I was 13... I tried to kill myself first when I was 18 and failed...Now I'm 40+ and I still want to die.
 
Laggy

Laggy

Member
Jul 20, 2018
31
Can I just say how heartbreaking and depressing it is to see how many people have been wanting to kill themselves but have been unable to for 30+ years?

How is it even possible to endure that long? :(
 
J

JustDie

Member
Jun 18, 2018
54
Since 10 I wanted to kill myself, but more life is shit I want it to stop being shit and less daily everyday I want to end this shit existence. Then it got better, then it got shit at 13 and now everyday I think about death. So, 2 real years of being suicidal, and 4 years of sorta being sad here and there so light depression. Only the last year did I start to research proper methods and really take steps in ending my life, and preparation.
 
skyofAuroras

skyofAuroras

-
Apr 10, 2018
136
Been thinking about suicide daily since I was 14. I attempted once at 17 and now I'm 20. I probably had a few suicidal thoughts before then but I don't remember.
 
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pride and prejudeath

pride and prejudeath

Pride
Jul 27, 2018
13
I'm new to this, it's probably only been a few months. I'll probably be for a few more years, though, for certain reasons.
 
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Jon86

Jon86

Specialist
Apr 9, 2018
371
It's been nearly 10 years now, have been battling depression for around 20.
 
V

Vvoiid

Member
Jul 18, 2018
65
I wanted to kill myself when I was 13... I tried to kill myself first when I was 18 and failed...Now I'm 40+ and I still want to die.

This is exactly what I am afraid of. That one day I wake up 40 shit years old and failed to do it. I don't want to become that old. I want to end it now. Those decades of pain, I can not even imagine what that must've been like.
 
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