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WrongGuy47

WrongGuy47

Member
Joined
Dec 21, 2020
Messages
41
It has been 5 years since I have been wanting to kill myself.
My first attempt was overdosing on sleeping pills, family found me took me to hospital was unconscious for about two days.
Second attempt again overdosing on sleeping pills but this time my body vomited that shit out, horrible experience.
After this decided never going for method which requires consuming anything, the vomiting experience was horrible even taking normal medicine for fever scares me at times.

Next time tried to hang myself to a fan, but felt like fan will fall backed out midway.
Next went to bridge to jump dad found me.

Started doing serious research after this only to realise how hard it's going to be to kill myself and the fear of failure of kept me going.
There have been number of times I have even thought of going to jungle and hanging myself or drowning myself in centre of ocean, but this all has been fantasy.

Again tried to hang myself recently but thought of family discovering me like this made me stop.

I'm tired of this shit wish I could just fucking sleep and never wakeup again.
 
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SuicidallyCurious

Warlock
Joined
Dec 20, 2020
Messages
726
I want to CTB at the moment mainly due to covid. Before i never really wanted to CTB urgently, although i figured I would CTB one day in case of terminal illness
 
WrongGuy47

WrongGuy47

Member
Joined
Dec 21, 2020
Messages
41
SuicidallyCurious said:
I want to CTB at the moment mainly due to covid. Before i never really wanted to CTB urgently, although i figured I would CTB one day in case of terminal illness
What about covid makes you want to go?
 
Hidden Base

Hidden Base

Paragon
Joined
Apr 5, 2020
Messages
949
Desires for ctb began around 3 years ago, and I have made one attempt - when I stopped eating with the intention to starve to death, that was around 7 months ago now. I resumed eating after being pressured into it, but I don't know if I would've truly been able to stick it out all the way. I still consider it despite how unpleasant it is, because it requires absolutely no resources, just pure willpower.
 
WrongGuy47

WrongGuy47

Member
Joined
Dec 21, 2020
Messages
41
Hidden Base said:
Desires for ctb began around 3 years ago, and I have made one attempt - when I stopped eating with the intention to starve to death, that was around 7 months ago now. I resumed eating after being pressured into it, but I don't know if I would've truly been able to stick it out all the way. I still consider it despite how unpleasant it is, because it requires absolutely no resources, just pure willpower.
How many days did you go through without eating?
I kinda of think of waking into some jungle and starving to death
 
Okami

Okami

They/Them or It/Its
Joined
Mar 16, 2018
Messages
108
11 years. I've had more attempts than I can remember, though not all were fully serious. Some were just impulsive.
 
Lulu Land

Lulu Land

Member
Joined
Dec 22, 2020
Messages
12
It's been about four years that I've been suicidal, and I've tried overall about six times(?) Three for blood loss, and the other three trying to OD on pills. I fail everytime because it either wasn't enough, or my parents caught me before I could continue.
 
Freedom Believer

Freedom Believer

Forever alone.
Joined
Dec 23, 2019
Messages
289
Just a little over a year ago. I attempted it twice. Once in December 2019, once in January 2020. Then things got better, somehow. I'm sad as fuck still but not enough to CTB anymore.
 
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Isadeth

Isadeth

Visionary
Joined
Jun 12, 2020
Messages
2,563
20. First attempt at age 9. Last attempt October 11th.
 
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Symbiote

Symbiote

sudo apt-get SN
Joined
Oct 12, 2020
Messages
2,439
It's been a year and a half since my last attempt. Before that one, it was 10 years.
 
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E

EmptyManForever

My wings were cut and now I can fly no more!
Joined
Oct 3, 2020
Messages
141
Suicidal thoughts began 4 years ago for me, I've been wanting to die ever since, my attempt was silly at the time, I read somewhere that they give potassium chloride as a lethal injection, so at the time I was desperate to die so I thought of getting some potassium chloride from a chemistry lab and injecting it myself but then later changed my mind and never went through it, gave life a second chance , also I dunno if potassium chloride would have even done the job for me now that I think about it, and after some years I had my second attempt which was to die by partial hanging, I attempted that but never got unconscious because of survival instinct, it gave me a panic attack and so I stopped the process, and my third and probably my final attempt would be full suspension hanging which I haven't done obviously not just yet , waiting for the right time
 
Hidden Base

Hidden Base

Paragon
Joined
Apr 5, 2020
Messages
949
WrongGuy47 said:
How many days did you go through without eating?
I kinda of think of waking into some jungle and starving to death
Only three days, which is barely any way into the alleged ~70 days required for death. I had been eating very little in the weeks preceding though so I had already become quite skinny at that point. I don't live alone, so my family quickly noticed and they began panicking, which made me feel bad, but I don't really feel bad about it anymore. I'm really considering SN more now, because I think it would be a lot less painful overall. It's just that I really don't want police or my family finding out about it and bothering me. Though, they'll probably do that anyway if I try to starve, so I guess it's a moot point. I think in most countries they force-feed you parenterally if you try it, so it may be impossible, unless you can really isolate yourself, like in a jungle as you mentioned. That is too frightening for me though, I want to at least be able to enjoy the comfort of being indoors. If that appeals to you though, then by all means.​
 
A

AutoTap

Paragon
Joined
Nov 11, 2020
Messages
902
Hidden Base said:
Only three days, which is barely any way into the alleged ~70 days required for death. I had been eating very little in the weeks preceding though so I had already become quite skinny at that point. I don't live alone, so my family quickly noticed and they began panicking, which made me feel bad, but I don't really feel bad about it anymore. I'm really considering SN more now, because I think it would be a lot less painful overall. It's just that I really don't want police or my family finding out about it and bothering me. Though, they'll probably do that anyway if I try to starve, so I guess it's a moot point. I think in most countries they force-feed you parenterally if you try it, so it may be impossible, unless you can really isolate yourself, like in a jungle as you mentioned. That is too frightening for me though, I want to at least be able to enjoy the comfort of being indoors. If that appeals to you though, then by all means.​
As someone who can’t eat due to really severe anxiety. It starts to get really bad at the 5 day mark. (I also wasn’t eating much beforehand, so it could be further along if ate well beforehand.)

If you are that determined prob should just use another way.
Honestly don’t even know when the suicidal thoughts started. I have one and a half attempts I guess? My half attemptI ordered SN but my parents found it in the mail and dumped it.

My second attempt was a few days after they found the SN I tried to partial hang but I couldn’t do it because of SI and I couldn’t get the sweet spot so I just felt pressure in my head and neck.
 
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NightmareTour

NightmareTour

Arcanist
Joined
May 13, 2020
Messages
401
About 10 years. 3 serious, almost successful suicide attempts, several more that weren't well planned or I couldn't go through with for whatever reason.

First of the 3 was an attempted overdose on prescription medication, but I'm not great with pills and threw up almost immediately.

Second was an attempted jump with hypothermia as a backup plan, I got found with stage 3 hypothermia, slipping into stage 4. That happened last year.

Third was plastic bag over the head, but because of bad planning my hands got free and I ripped it off. I guess this one kind of counts as 2, because the next thing I did was try to make my way to the train station where I got found by police. That was earlier this year.

Guess I'm just really bad at dying.
 
A

angelfeather

Student
Joined
Oct 31, 2020
Messages
182
It’s only been since August I’ve felt this way and I’ve never had these feelings before so have found it completely confusing. I haven’t made any attempts, but believe it will be soon.
I just have a feeling inside me that I won’t be here next year.
 
ZeroChance888

ZeroChance888

Member
Joined
Jul 2, 2020
Messages
16
Since I was 13 I’m 38 now. 2 attempts both with ingested substances both horrific. Now I’m leaning towards in my garage from a workout station, thinking about hanging myself from it with some resistance bands but I haven’t ironed out the details. Only thing keeping me here are my parents and daughter. The guilt of them dealing with my exit eats away at me every day. Damned if I and damned if I don’t.
 
A

Aggymara

Member
Joined
Dec 8, 2020
Messages
15
WrongGuy47 said:
What about covid makes you want to go?
I've been actively wanting to ctb for 2 years, but I've had suicidal thoughts since I was 10 years old (I'm 21 now). I've only made 3 attempts, and luckily ended up in the hospital only once (such a sucky experience). I am so tired, and I don't know how much longer I can stay here. At the moment, I am only trying to stay alive for my family (my mom has depression, and I'm terrified of triggering her). Sorry for the long rant, and thanks if anyone's read this. Sending y'all much love ❤
 
Pookie

Pookie

Somebody you used to know.
Joined
Oct 18, 2020
Messages
1,009
NightmareTour said:
About 10 years. 3 serious, almost successful suicide attempts, several more that weren't well planned or I couldn't go through with for whatever reason.

First of the 3 was an attempted overdose on prescription medication, but I'm not great with pills and threw up almost immediately.

Second was an attempted jump with hypothermia as a backup plan, I got found with stage 3 hypothermia, slipping into stage 4. That happened last year.

Third was plastic bag over the head, but because of bad planning my hands got free and I ripped it off. I guess this one kind of counts as 2, because the next thing I did was try to make my way to the train station where I got found by police. That was earlier this year.

Guess I'm just really bad at dying.
Damn, sorry you’ve been driven to such measures. What was the hypothermia experience like? And plastic bag suffocation must be an awful experience.
 
NightmareTour

NightmareTour

Arcanist
Joined
May 13, 2020
Messages
401
Pookie said:
Damn, sorry you’ve been driven to such measures. What was the hypothermia experience like? And plastic bag suffocation must be an awful experience.
Getting yourself to stay in the cold at first is hard, but once you reach the point that you start to stop shivering, it's not actually that bad. There's a point where you actually start to feel really warm and want to take off any warm clothing. Towards the point I started losing consciousness it was really peaceful. My mind just felt cloudy, my vision started closing in and I felt really tired. If I could have gone then, it would have been everything I could have wanted for my death. Frostbite isn't fun though, luckily mine was only very minor but I lost some of the feeling in my fingertips. Warming up is absolutely horrible and very painful, you go through the whole freezing cold and shivering part all over again.

Suffocation definitely isn't a good way to go. I was probably only struggling to breathe for about 5-10 seconds, but it felt like forever. My lungs hurt, I was terrified, and every bit of my brain was screaming at me that I needed air. And you'd be surprised how quickly you run out of oxygen, there's not much time to prepare for it. Definitely do not recommend it.
 
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Sprite_Geist

Sprite_Geist

NULL
Joined
May 27, 2020
Messages
998
My desire to end my own life started around 9-10 years ago and it has not stopped. The thought has been gnawing at me - and still does - every day, every week, every month and every year since it began. Suicide started as an minor annoyance in the back of the mind, but has become increasingly louder over time. The current climate of the society that I live in, and the state of my own life has only reinforced it. Every part of my being has become weaker; the only part that has strengthened is the wish to die.
 
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stillweary

Member
Joined
May 15, 2020
Messages
74
I'm surprised I didn't do it this year. I've been depressed since 12, made attempts at 17, 26, and two within the past year. Attempts are getting closer together now and are much more planned out. I have seen some beautiful things within my lifetime, and I am grateful for them. They just don't outweigh the rest of it enough to keep going.
 
issyishere

issyishere

Goodnight and always remember that’s life
Joined
Nov 5, 2019
Messages
443
depression began 6 years ago it went away after 2 years and then about 2 years ago it flared back up as anxiety and depression and suicidal thoughts. Made about 1 attempt.
 
A

Anonymous_A

Student
Joined
Oct 4, 2020
Messages
154
Back when I was about 14 I remember telling my friend that once my dad leaves then it’ll be my time too. ( have old parents, dads 83 I’m 23) But suicide was foreign to me.

Fast forward a few years..At the stage I’d always be wrekless at Uni overdoing reccy drugs, not caring yet somewhat hoping along with the ideation that I’d OD

But the first actual time was last year. I was clue-less, saw a ‘sketch’ of the helium exit bag method.

Idk what I was doing, I just ordered a cpap mask and 2 canisters of helium from eBay. (Still in cupboard). After finding&lurking around this place, I realised how clueless I was on that method lol

Cruised and plodded on with life, for a year to this point. Where, fast forward to now, I now have SN in the cupboard and feel confidently knowledgeable of everything
 
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livefreeorpeace

livefreeorpeace

Member
Joined
Jun 14, 2020
Messages
63
WrongGuy47 said:
It has been 5 years since I have been wanting to kill myself.
My first attempt was overdosing on sleeping pills, family found me took me to hospital was unconscious for about two days.
Second attempt again overdosing on sleeping pills but this time my body vomited that shit out, horrible experience.
After this decided never going for method which requires consuming anything, the vomiting experience was horrible even taking normal medicine for fever scares me at times.

Next time tried to hang myself to a fan, but felt like fan will fall backed out midway.
Next went to bridge to jump dad found me.

Started doing serious research after this only to realise how hard it's going to be to kill myself and the fear of failure of kept me going.
There have been number of times I have even thought of going to jungle and hanging myself or drowning myself in centre of ocean, but this all has been fantasy.

Again tried to hang myself recently but thought of family discovering me like this made me stop.

I'm tired of this shit wish I could just fucking sleep and never wakeup again.
For
WrongGuy47 said:
It has been 5 years since I have been wanting to kill myself.
My first attempt was overdosing on sleeping pills, family found me took me to hospital was unconscious for about two days.
Second attempt again overdosing on sleeping pills but this time my body vomited that shit out, horrible experience.
After this decided never going for method which requires consuming anything, the vomiting experience was horrible even taking normal medicine for fever scares me at times.

Next time tried to hang myself to a fan, but felt like fan will fall backed out midway.
Next went to bridge to jump dad found me.

Started doing serious research after this only to realise how hard it's going to be to kill myself and the fear of failure of kept me going.
There have been number of times I have even thought of going to jungle and hanging myself or drowning myself in centre of ocean, but this all has been fantasy.

Again tried to hang myself recently but thought of family discovering me like this made me stop.

I'm tired of this shit wish I could just fucking sleep and never wakeup again.
It's minimum 15 years for me. I've had a single attempt, it was ten years ago. I was in my spot of choice with the gun in my mouth, couldn't bring myself to pull the trigger. I was holding on to a lot of resentment at the time, I think that's what kept me here on earth. With the year we have all had (Covid) and being in the midst of the holiday season, I believe that I'm ready to make that walk again. The mix of pornography, pot pens, and financial distress have numbed me to the point where I cannot enjoy anything anymore. I'm ready to be at peace.
 
Intotheflames

Intotheflames

a stranger in a strange land
Joined
Dec 23, 2020
Messages
139
Technically the thought of not wanting to live exists since I was a kid, maybe 5 or so. The thought of actively killing myself came around six or seven years ago. I didn't really do it as I was a perfectionist so I was always looking for the right place the right time the right way to do it. Yet not long ago life was getting worse so now I am kinda go with the flow. I'll just do it whenever I feel the pain is unbearable. In fact I just tried it yesterday.
 
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DetachedDreamer97

DetachedDreamer97

Enlightened
Joined
Mar 17, 2018
Messages
1,048
About 4 and a half years, since I was 18. Have yet to make an attempt.
 
Frauw

Frauw

Nothing lasts
Joined
Oct 31, 2020
Messages
168
About 11 years, tried in 2018. Backed out because I made a friend cry and they revived me at the hospital, regret not just staying dead