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Trashcan

Trashcan

Trash
Aug 31, 2018
1,234
I was 8 or 9 when I had my first suicidal thought. It became more regular at 12 and I first attempted at 14.

Also started to self harm at about 15. It started with digging nail scissors into my skin. At 16, I started to cut. At about 18, I did a combination of cutting and some chemical burns. Finally stopped this year at the age of 20. But sometimes I consider doing it again. Maybe I'd lose some weight because I seemed to replace it with comfort eating.
 
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M

millefeui

-
Mar 31, 2018
1,036
15. That was almost 13 years ago.

But... Here is the thing. If you read my posts, you might know I have this thing about "being an anime person", which sounds stupid, I know, but listen... Since I was very small, like 5 or so, I already spent most of my time within my head, fantasizing about being somewhere else, being someone different... Two decades later, and that hasn't changed, except... I realized how silly my dreams were when I was still a child (but I never gave up on them, of course - my dreams are all I have, aside from my dog).

Why I am saying this? Well, because when I realized I would have to stay in this world for my whole life, it didn't take long for death ideation to become a thing in my little head. Even as a preteen, I was already thinking about dying, disappearing. Then puberty came, and by the age of 15 if not a little earlier than that, I was already pretty much suicidal.
 
worldexploder

worldexploder

-
Sep 19, 2018
2,823
I was “primitively” suicidal at around age 7. I use to pray to god to take me in my sleep. Then wake up crying because I was still here. I did that even as a teen. I started to actively contemplate methods in the mid 2000s. My first attempt was in 2015 and my second and last was in 2016. I am 35 years old now.
 
Angst Filled Fuck Up

Angst Filled Fuck Up

Super duper enlightened
Sep 9, 2018
1,697
I think I first felt suicidal around 14 or 15, so about 20 years ago now. I was always a sad and sensitive kid, and never felt like I belonged or was loved all that much. In my teens I went through that kind of aggressive/nihilistic phase a lot of teens go through and often thought of ctb. Others around me noticed it too, but I think it was always expected that I'd grow out of it. I never did though. I've never self-harmed or had any attempts, however.
 
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Maravillosa

Maravillosa

Mistress of all she surveys
Sep 7, 2018
638
I think I first passively wished for death when I was 9 or 10 years old. I was bullied at school between the ages of 8 and 15: I was bookish, bespectacled, plump, clumsy and spoke more formally than my classmates -- a perfect target. I became actively suicidal when I was 16: I stood on a chair with a sash made into a noose around my neck: the sash was attached to a lighting fixture in my bedroom. I had a pair of scissors in my right hand to cut the sash in case I changed my mind after I kicked the chair away -- but I could not get myself to kick the chair away.

I also wanted to jump from the top story of the dorm building where I was living the summer after my junior year of high school (I was in an advanced college program for high school students that summer). I could not get myself to jump, however, and when I told a priest about it, he told me that I was much more fortunate than young people who had grown up during the Great Depression (since this was in 1983 and the priest was about 65, I think the priest was thinking about young people from his own generation).
 
Mr2005

Mr2005

Don't shoot the messenger, give me the gun
Sep 25, 2018
3,370
23 so a late starter compared with some of you. I wouldn't say I was predisposed to this or anything, I was a happy kid it's just what happened after that
 
Deafsn0w

Deafsn0w

I will buy you a dog if you like my posts
Sep 4, 2018
2,489
14 i think but didn’t become actively suicidal till i was 17. At 14, i think i firstly became depressed. Occasional suicidal thoughts at 15 and 16. Once i hit 17 i started having suicidal thoughts regularly and first attempted suicide back in feb 2018. I’ve attempted suicide 4 times this year as far.
 
willowtrees0

willowtrees0

willowtrees
Oct 5, 2018
54
I experienced mild depression at 13 when my dad passed but I dont really count that because I think self harm was just a way for me to cope with feelings I didnt understand. I just didnt know how to grieve and 13 is such a bad age as it is. at 18 was my first real memory of depression.
 
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D

Donewith_

Elementalist
Sep 28, 2018
877
9 0r 10. I was depressed, I didn't feel I am loved enough, worth enough, or I felt I and my life is miserable. I remember how I felt... I was always on the down-side of everything. In whatever I am .. I used to get hit by bad things without a miss. As a kid, I never felt I was loved. I don't know what's wrong with me or whatever it is.. Maybe I was not shown enough love (by touch, words) or I was a sensitive kid who needed tons of attention. The latter might be true..I was told by a lot of people I am sensitive .I never expected that someone would stand up for me .. I used to think ' why would anyone stand up for me?'.. now I understand how fucked up it is to hear from a kid..
Attempt.. I was naive enough to think those water absorbant 'silica gel' granules can kill me.. funny. Since my mother used to say they were dangerous. I took a bag , crushed up all those granules, mixed it in my food , had it. I Waited for something to happen.. yeah but no.
That's the only attempt I've done in my childhood as far as I remember.. But, I always felt miserable.
 
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BaconCheeseburger

BaconCheeseburger

Comfort-eating
Aug 4, 2018
689
I first self harmed at 14-15. I moved schools and two girls in my new class cut their arms. Guess it just gave me the 'inspiration'
 
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S

Schopenhauer

Enlightened
Oct 3, 2018
1,136
I don’t remember for certain, and I might be confabulating here, but I think the first time I thought about ending it all was when I was 13, and I seriously considered the notion of going outside and throwing myself in front of traffic. When I was 19 I started reading on suicide methods, and soon enough tried hanging for the first time.
 
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C

crova

Making death amazing journey
Oct 7, 2018
377
I was a child, maybe around 10 I first time contemplated harakiri, after my parents had a fight.
It was the first time I thought I wanted to be dead rather than alive.
This 'bad seed' has been growing in me since.
 
Duqu

Duqu

Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal!
Aug 27, 2018
450
I first felt suicidal in 1st or 2nd grade (no word for it then, just "wanting to disappear" at the time). I started self-harming and my eating disorder started when I was 12 though.
 
V

Virgo

Arcanist
Oct 3, 2018
498
Disclaimer: Self harm is incredibly stupid, albeit pleasurable.
Around when I was 11 I think I started self harming and had thoughts of suicide(Can't remember before that). I can't even exactly remember why. I remember impulsive acts of self destruction. Drinking mouth wash(As if that could kill you...), trying to blind myself(idek...). I stopped self harming a couple years later. The severity of the cuts kept rapidly increasing. It was to the point where I couldn't go any deeper without hitting bone(I'm pretty skinny though). I was left with some pretty large scars from the stupid shit I did. I haven't really cared though as I have been suicidal ever since.
 
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