finish.me

finish.me

I need you to feel this
Jul 14, 2021
132
i love my boyfriend and intellectually i know he loves me too. He loves me. that is fact. i think i might have some kind of personality disorder because even though i've only been in like two or three serious relationships its been weird with this one. We're together at a point where i think are symptoms of what could be BPD have thankfully faded with maturity, i don't use him like a therapist and i don't expect for him to solve every problem i have, we're there for eachother and we vent to eachother mutually. It's good. it's honestly the best thing i've ever had.


so i'm writing this because i'm realizing he's all i have. he's literally the only thing that makes me happy, aside from engaging in my eating disordered habits. Nothing else on this world feels good unless it's with him or about him. Nothing is as interesting as him, which is, horrible. I don't like anything or have any hobbies. I was living with him in the UK for a couple months and had to come back to the U.S earlier than planned because of money issues, so i'm further away from him and don't do much except wait for him to call me, and trudge through the inbetween. He works full time and lives in another fucking country so you can see why it's an issue for me to be 'trudging through' the time between our calls, because those 'in beteween' bits are literally just life. Like i'm literally counting down the minutes until i can have a meal or talk to him every single day. I can't keep on like this but i don't know how since food and him are my only sources of euphoria. How do I live when I have nothing.
 
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Againstthewind

Againstthewind

Member
Jul 10, 2022
63
You are latching onto him, as for you, he is the happiest thing in your life right now, there is nothing wrong with that, that's what a relationship is, wanting to be with each other.
However, you don't want it to turn into an obsession as the smallest negative thing could be blown up, because you are so consumed in the relationship. As difficult as it is to just say 'find a hobby', doing something else, or finding something else to do will be healthy, so you don't feel like you have anything else, in between the meals you were talking about. Play games, go outside, watch something, read.

Is there anything you enjoy, or used to enjoy doing even before you met him?
I understand, I am like that myself, I know there are things to try that are new and sometimes you just wanna do nothing and stare at the wall. You're stuck in a rut, on autopilot, I cant tell you ideas of what to do because I am not you, and I would have the same reaction if someone told me to do this or that. Perhaps move around the house, just stand outside your door get some fresh air? Sometimes writing down how you feel or typing it, so it doesn't fester in your head as much?
 
Last edited:
T

timf

Warlock
Mar 26, 2020
788
How do I live when I have nothing.

You might consider using what you have (even though it is interrupted) as a foundation to build on. For example, if the next time you talk to him, you ask what he might think of you doing some volunteer work or even joining a book discussion group, you might ask him for ideas so that you begin to build outward from your relationship such that you add additional dimensions to your life.