- Apr 4, 2022
I got prescribed sertraline about a year ago. It was awful getting on, it was the closest I ever came to actually following through with killing myself. Now that its leveled out I feel numb and apathetic. I've dug myself into this massive hole and I don't care enough about life to fix it. I know if I tapered off slowly I would just go back to the anxious depressed mess that I was before. Where does that leave me? I have to choose between feeling completely empty and hopeless or having my mind constantly race about how miserable I am and how bad I want to hurt myself. I think if I just stopped taking the pills one day that I would truly go off the deep end. I've skipped a day a few times and even that made me start to spiral and feel the walls closing in. I know that if I quit and gave it a few days that it would give me the emotional drive to actually follow through and be done with it. I keep waiting for a sign or something. For years I have told myself that I will kill myself once life gets bad enough, and that it was inevitable that something awful would happen to get me there. Maybe I don't need a sign and the awful thing will be me withdrawing from anti-depressants.