Susannah

Susannah

Arcanist
Jul 2, 2018
451
Hi. I just need to share, as I'm about to fall apart.

This weekend has been a nightmare. My demented father has been diagnosed with Covid (he lives alone at home), and my mother was picked up in an ambulance tonight (she lives alone with Parkinsons disease), and I am tired and worried about the future. They both depend on me to help them with everything from finance, driving, shopping, cleaning. Every day I have to calm down, comfort, explain, repeat / follow up on their chores.

There's no time left for my life, and I do not know what to do.

I have a younger brother of 38 who lives in most of my mom's house, but he has a wife and 2 young children. They do not have the "capacity" to help, so then everything falls on me. Mom can not really live at home due to increasing need for help, but she does not want a nursing home, and no one can force her.

So what should I do and how much is expected of me as a daughter?
 
T

timf

Mage
Mar 26, 2020
559
If your brother lives in your mothers house (presumable rent free), it would not be unreasonable for him to step up to the plate and help her. This would seem to reduce you burden by half.

If he does not have the "capacity" it may be because he is a weasel.Our society seems to produce a high level of people who wish to shirk responsibility or dump it on others.

There might be social services available or even churches that could help.

You should be commended for the care you offer, however, it does not mean that you should let others treat you like a doormat.
 
D

deathLiberation

Member
Oct 31, 2021
48
Everytime i read this just reinforces the ideia that having kids is a trap.
As i read this i could see the same happening with the 2 young children of your brother. One of them going through the same problem you live now.

Having less kids would actually make for an happier world.
 
N

netrezven

Arcanist
Dec 13, 2018
472
helping them is not wrong, but giving away your life for them for such a long long time is very very wrong. Maybie you wanna have a girlfriend/wife and kids, but can you really? This is total extortion from their side.
 
Susannah

Susannah

Arcanist
Jul 2, 2018
451
Oh, I wish I could... but I have a 16y old son every 2 week, so I'm kind of stuck. At least a few years.

Lots of loveS
helping them is not wrong, but giving away your life for them for such a long long time is very very wrong. Maybie you wanna have a girlfriend/wife and kids, but can you really? This is total extortion from their side.
My chances of a lasting relationship are way gone. No one can take my mum in the longer run. Maybe when she's gone, but she's tough as hell. Sometimes I think I'll be gone before her...
 
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