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fuckthis

fuckthis

I've made up my mind.
Sep 23, 2018
264
There are times when I don't even think about suicide, and this forum ironically prevents me from wanting to commit. But then there are these really shitty moments, when I start actively looking for something to harm myself with. I don't drive, but if I did I'm sure I'd have a moment where I'd just floor it and close my eyes. I hate myself. I just can't take this shit anymore. It's like an abusive cycle on loop, and no one is aware of it but me because it's entirely in my brain. It fucking sucks.

I'm not in education, I don't have a job and I just sleep all day. I want to do something, but I'm not in control of it. I don't have any direction to follow. I'm so fucking lost it scares me. All of my old friends have moved on, and I'm still stuck here reminiscing on the past. It doesn't help, it just makes me even more sad. Then there are people on here with chronic illnesses, and I'm here contemplating suicide just because I can't get past this rough patch in my life. I need to do something. I need to go outside and try to atleast get a haircut or something. I need to do SOMETHING.

I don't feel like I even fit in here. Different music tastes, different looks, hell I'm probably the youngest on here idk. I feel so fucking useless I hate it. I hate all of this, I wish I never existed. All I had to do was go outside and fucking socialise as a kid and then maybe I would be socially confident and self-assured today. If I wasn't so fucking shy I would of gotten bullied less. If I put time in my studies and revision before I did my finals it would've saved so much fucking stress prior to results day. I still got decent grades but not revising simply wasn't worth the stress I put myself through. I'm such a fucken pussy.
 
Last edited:
B

Ben

-
Sep 12, 2018
785
There are times when I don't even think about suicide, and this forum ironically prevents me from wanting to commit. But then there are these really shitty moments, when I start actively looking for something to harm myself with. I don't drive, but if I did I'm sure I'd have a moment where I'd just floor it and close my eyes. I hate myself. I just can't take this shit anymore. It's like an abusive cycle on loop, and no one is aware of it but me because it's entirely in my brain. It fucking sucks.

I'm not in education, I don't have a job and I just sleep all day. I want to do something, but I'm not in control of it. I don't have any direction to follow. I'm so fucking lost it scares me. All of my old friends have moved on, and I'm still stuck here reminiscing on the past. It doesn't help, it just makes me even more sad. Then there are people on here with chronic illnesses, and I'm here contemplating suicide just because I can't get past this rough patch in my life. I need to do something. I need to go outside and try to atleast get a haircut or something. I need to do SOMETHING.

I don't feel like I even fit in here. Different music tastes, different looks, hell I'm probably the youngest on here idk. I feel so fucking useless I hate it. I hate all of this, I wish I never existed. All I had to do was go outside and fucking socialise as a kid and then maybe I would be socially confident and self-assured today. If I wasn't so fucking shy I would of gotten bullied less. If I put time in my studies and revision before I did my finals it would've saved so much fucking stress prior to results day. I still got decent grades but not revising simply wasn't worth the stress I put myself through. I'm such a fucken pussy.

Hey man, don’t worry about comparing your pain to anybody else’s. Nobody here has more of a right to die then another.

I bet you have more in common with people here then you think. It can be hard to get to know somebody when the common topic is always suicide. You’re more then welcome to open up in any way you want to find common ground with people here.

For example, I know your avatar is Tyler the creator, he’s one of my favourite rappers. I’m a huge hip hop head. I’m sure we can find more in common if we tried. Same goes for lots of people here.

The “doing nothing” cycle can be draining both physically and mentally. I personally find distraction through drinking and talking here. If you can enjoy your day, you should try to, in whatever way you can. This is my only form of interaction really anymore, so I find the more I put in, the more I get out.