• Welcome! SanctionedSuicide is a forum for the discussion of mental illness and suicide. Please read our rules and our Principles.
    If you are in need of immediate support, please call the Samaritans hotline at (877) 870-4673, or check our recovery resources.

motel rooms

motel rooms

So sodomitic.
Apr 13, 2021
5,947
Blue...
Songs are like tattoos
You know, I've been to sea before
Crown and anchor me
Or let me sail away
Hey Blue, here is a song for you
Ink on a pin underneath the skin
An empty space to fill in
Well, there are so many sinking
You've got to keep thinking
You can make it through these waves
Acid, booze and ass
Needles, guns and grass
Lots of laughs, lots of laughs...
Everybody's saying that
Hell's the hippest way to go
Well, I don't think so
I'm gonna take a look around it, though
Blue, I love you...

 
not-2-b-the-answer

not-2-b-the-answer

Illuminated
Mar 23, 2018
3,099
Just wondering how you are doing? I know maybe not great or you wouldn't be here.
Just wanted to give you some hugs. :hug::hug::hug::hug:
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: motel rooms
motel rooms

motel rooms

So sodomitic.
Apr 13, 2021
5,947
Just wondering how you are doing? I know maybe not great or you wouldn't be here.
Just wanted to give you some hugs. :hug::hug::hug:

Thank you. I could use a hug, but hubby's asleep. We don't sleep in the same room. I leave our bed when he falls asleep because I often thrash about during nightmares. I had an especially vivid nightmare of abuse & some flashbacks a couple of hours ago. I just threw up although I'm sober & my stomach is fine & cried in the bathroom. I hate Xmas so much.
 
not-2-b-the-answer

not-2-b-the-answer

Illuminated
Mar 23, 2018
3,099
Thank you. I could use a hug, but hubby's asleep. We don't sleep in the same room. I leave our bed when he falls asleep because I often thrash about during nightmares. I had an especially vivid nightmare of abuse & some flashbacks a couple of hours ago. I just threw up although I'm sober & my stomach is fine & cried in the bathroom. I hate Xmas so much.
Wish I could do more. :aw::hug:
 
  • Love
Reactions: motel rooms
motel rooms

motel rooms

So sodomitic.
Apr 13, 2021
5,947
But you are life I needed all along
I think of you as my brother
Although that sounds dumb
And words are futile devices

 
  • Love
Reactions: not-2-b-the-answer
motel rooms

motel rooms

So sodomitic.
Apr 13, 2021
5,947
You assigned me to protect our lantern
To be intentional about the light

My instinct has been shouting at me for years
Saying, "Let's get out of here...
Huge toxic tumor bulging underneath the ground here...
Purify, purify toxicity..."

 
  • Hugs
Reactions: not-2-b-the-answer
not-2-b-the-answer

not-2-b-the-answer

Illuminated
Mar 23, 2018
3,099
I don't have anything to add. I just wanna know how you and your hubby are doing? :heart::hug::heart::hug::heart:
 
  • Love
Reactions: motel rooms
motel rooms

motel rooms

So sodomitic.
Apr 13, 2021
5,947
I don't have anything to add. I just wanna know how you and your hubby are doing?

Will you put my hands away?
Will you be my man?
Serve it up, don't wait
Let's see about this ham

Oh, what happened?
Homespun desperation's knowing
Inside your cover's always blown

 
stellabelle

stellabelle

ethereal
Dec 14, 2018
3,845
Hi, my name is @hotelbeneathground, I'm 40, I suffer from C-PTSD & hypersexuality disorder (sex addiction) due to CSA (childhood sexual abuse) & I'm not sure I belong in the Recovery section. Not so long ago I was sure I was ready to ctb, but I ended up having a mini breakdown & starting a relationship with someone I thought was as doomed as me & would help me destroy myself. We got married instead. Our lives are still a mess, but I suppose I'm in love & I feel loved, so I kind of, sort of don't wanna die as much as I used to or whatever. Starting a thread in Recovery feels real weird, almost a bit humiliating, never thought it would come to this for me. :ahhha:

https://sanctioned-suicide.org/threads/i-hope-this-is-a-goodbye.73128/page-2#post-1326456
Yes, but why would it be humiliating to attempt to “recover” from damage done?

What’s humiliating is admitting what people did to you and then others enabling those people to be what they were.
 
not-2-b-the-answer

not-2-b-the-answer

Illuminated
Mar 23, 2018
3,099
Will you put my hands away?
Will you be my man?
Serve it up, don't wait
Let's see about this ham

Oh, what happened?
Homespun desperation's knowing
Inside your cover's always blown


The video doesn't work. :aw:
 
motel rooms

motel rooms

So sodomitic.
Apr 13, 2021
5,947
Yes, but why would it be humiliating to attempt to “recover” from damage done?

What’s humiliating is admitting what people did to you and then others enabling those people to be what they were.

As the free fall advances
I'm the moron who dances
Under the withering white skies of humiliation
Under the withering white skies of humiliation
Tunnel vision lights my way
Lead a little life today
Tunnel vision lights my way
Lead a little life today

 
  • Like
Reactions: not-2-b-the-answer
I

ihatemylife

Student
Jul 14, 2021
124
Hi, my name is @hotelbeneathground, I'm 40, I suffer from C-PTSD & hypersexuality disorder (sex addiction) due to CSA (childhood sexual abuse) & I'm not sure I belong in the Recovery section. Not so long ago I was sure I was ready to ctb, but I ended up having a mini breakdown & starting a relationship with someone I thought was as doomed as me & would help me destroy myself. We got married instead. Our lives are still a mess, but I suppose I'm in love & I feel loved, so I kind of, sort of don't wanna die as much as I used to or whatever. Starting a thread in Recovery feels real weird, almost a bit humiliating, never thought it would come to this for me. :ahhha:

https://sanctioned-suicide.org/threads/i-hope-this-is-a-goodbye.73128/page-2#post-1326456
I'm happy for you. I wish you the best.
 
motel rooms

motel rooms

So sodomitic.
Apr 13, 2021
5,947
God, I feel like hell tonight
These tears of rage I cannot fight
I'd be the last to help you understand
Are you strong enough to be my man?

Nothing's true and nothing's right
So let me be alone tonight
'Cause you can't change the way I am
Are you strong enough to be my man?

Lie to me, I promise I'll believe
Lie to me, just please don't leave

I have a face I cannot show
I make the rules up as I go
Just try and love me if you can
Are you strong enough to be my man?

When I've shown you that I just don't care
When I'm throwing punches in the air
When I'm broken down and I can't stand
Would you be strong enough to be my man?

Lie to me, I promise I'll believe
Lie to me, just please don't leave
Don't leave
 
motel rooms

motel rooms

So sodomitic.
Apr 13, 2021
5,947
Do you mean this horny creep
Set upon weary feet
Who looks in need of sleep
That doesn't come?

This twisted, tortured mess
This bed of sinfulness
Who's longing for some rest
And feeling numb?

A vicious appetite
Visits me each night
And won't be satisfied
Won't be denied

An unbearable pain
A beating in my brain
That leaves the mark of Cain
Right here inside

What am I supposed to do
When everything that I've done
Is leading me to conclude
I'm not the one?

Whatever I've done
I've been staring down the barrel of a gun
Whatever I've done
I've been staring down the barrel of a gun

 
M

mossyfox

Student
Aug 4, 2021
129
I'm really happy to see you here in recovery. I remember your goodbye thread.

Now is the best time to keep a private journal focused on what you love about your husband's character. The love hormones will wear off and your expectations for the relationship and your fears will come to the front. Re-reading your journal will make it easier to remind yourself of why you feel so strongly about him and help you stay focused during rough patches. Right now it might seem like you couldn't forget how you feel, but it can quickly become murky and hard to remember at times.

I only give this advice with good intentions. My first marriage was to someone broken like me and it turned into a disaster after the high wore off. With our minds, it's easy to forget what we loved about each other during rough patches and easy to cause damage to the relationship when you forget that for a moment. Also, never mention the word divorce, for any reason.

I'm really happy for you both, sincerely.
 
motel rooms

motel rooms

So sodomitic.
Apr 13, 2021
5,947
Now is the best time to keep a private journal focused on what you love about your husband's character. The love hormones will wear off and your expectations for the relationship and your fears will come to the front. Re-reading your journal will make it easier to remind yourself of why you feel so strongly about him and help you stay focused during rough patches. Right now it might seem like you couldn't forget how you feel, but it can quickly become murky and hard to remember at times.

I document everything already. I hope I never start taking him for granted.

I only give this advice with good intentions.

I know. :heart:

Also, never mention the word divorce, for any reason.

I'd never do that.

I'm really happy for you both, sincerely.

Thank you... :hug:
 
  • Love
Reactions: not-2-b-the-answer
I

ihatemylife

Student
Jul 14, 2021
124
Do you mean this horny creep
Set upon weary feet
Who looks in need of sleep
That doesn't come?

This twisted, tortured mess
This bed of sinfulness
Who's longing for some rest
And feeling numb?

A vicious appetite
Visits me each night
And won't be satisfied
Won't be denied

An unbearable pain
A beating in my brain
That leaves the mark of Cain
Right here inside

What am I supposed to do
When everything that I've done
Is leading me to conclude
I'm not the one?

Whatever I've done
I've been staring down the barrel of a gun
Whatever I've done
I've been staring down the barrel of a gun


Best group EVER. Wow this brings back memories of good days long ago. I actually have never listened to Depeche Mode since my life turned to shit because I never want to taint them with bad memeories.
 
Last edited:
  • Like
Reactions: motel rooms
motel rooms

motel rooms

So sodomitic.
Apr 13, 2021
5,947
Best group EVER. Wow this brings back memories of good days long ago. I actually have never listened to Depeche Mode since my life turned to shit because I never want to taint them with bad memeories.

Yeah, they used to be the best. Their music, especially the "Violator" album has helped me deal with a lot of bad memories.

There is a sound in the calm
Someone is coming to harm
I press my hands to my ears
It's easier here just to forget fear

I'm waiting for the night to fall
I know that it will save us all
When everything's dark
It keeps us from the stark reality

I'm waiting for the night to fall
When everything is bearable
And there in the still, all that you feel
Is tranquility...

 
motel rooms

motel rooms

So sodomitic.
Apr 13, 2021
5,947
From the blackest room I was torn
You called my name, a love was born
So I believe
I just hang on, suffer well
Sometimes it's hard, it's hard to tell
Sometimes it's hard, so hard to tell

 
I

ihatemylife

Student
Jul 14, 2021
124
Yeah, they used to be the best. Their music, especially the "Violator" album has helped me deal with a lot of bad memories.

There is a sound in the calm
Someone is coming to harm
I press my hands to my ears
It's easier here just to forget fear

I'm waiting for the night to fall
I know that it will save us all
When everything's dark
It keeps us from the stark reality

I'm waiting for the night to fall
When everything is bearable
And there in the still, all that you feel
Is tranquility...


Absolutly love "Violater" but my most favorite of all is "Songs of Faith and Devotion". That is a total and complete masterpiece from beginning to end in my opinion.
 
  • Like
Reactions: not-2-b-the-answer
not-2-b-the-answer

not-2-b-the-answer

Illuminated
Mar 23, 2018
3,099
Just wanted to say hi and see how you and your hubby are doing?
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: motel rooms
motel rooms

motel rooms

So sodomitic.
Apr 13, 2021
5,947
Just wanted to say hi and see how you and your hubby are doing?
This is the noise that keeps me awake
My head explodes and my body aches
Push it, make the beats go harder

Come on, push it, you can do it
Come on, prove it, nothing to it
Come on, use it, let's get through it
Come on, push it, we can do it

Don't worry, baby
We'll be all right
Don't worry, baby
We'll stay up all night

Let's push it
Push it

 
not-2-b-the-answer

not-2-b-the-answer

Illuminated
Mar 23, 2018
3,099
This is the noise that keeps me awake
My head explodes and my body aches
Push it, make the beats go harder

Come on, push it, you can do it
Come on, prove it, nothing to it
Come on, use it, let's get through it
Come on, push it, we can do it

Don't worry, baby
We'll be all right
Don't worry, baby
We'll stay up all night

Let's push it
Push it


Awesome song. I don't think I have heard it in a long time. I don't get to read all of your posts but I'm happy you guys are good. :hug:
 
  • Like
Reactions: motel rooms