A

anyoneshorizon

Member
Jun 8, 2022
29
I have no love for myself. I can't accept who I am. I feel I always feel uncomfortable. It's a shame I feel I could do so many things but I just can't get over this one impenetrable wall. I can't fully enjoy anything. There's no point. I do the things I think I need to make up for the things I don't have. Why am I forced to live a life with no happiness? Luckily I am not responsible for anyone except for maybe my mother. She puts me on a pedestal of so much potential at least she has my siblings. I try and am trying to fix my problem but I feel nothing is working. I'm not sure how long I can take it. I want to order SN soon and just leave on the night that I feel worse.
 
Pluto

Pluto

Meowing to go out
Dec 27, 2020
1,393
I feel the same way, though for me it's relating to something very specific. My whole mind is an inferno of being unable to forgive myself for having failed to achieve any semblance of normality before reaching middle age. It rollercoasters between hope of an 11th-hour change, desperation to CTB asap, rage at past abusers and self-contempt. Oh, and also some attempts to kill the mind for good measure.

If you have something specific that is troubling you, it may be possible to do something about it, if you feel open.
 
FuneralCry

FuneralCry

Wish that I was gone.
Sep 24, 2020
14,697
I’m sorry that you are in this situation. I know that it’s hard to carry on existing when everything feels so hopeless. I wish you relief from suffering.
 
WhatPowerIs

WhatPowerIs

Arcanist
Jun 19, 2022
402
I have no love for myself. I can't accept who I am. I feel I always feel uncomfortable. It's a shame I feel I could do so many things but I just can't get over this one impenetrable wall. I can't fully enjoy anything. There's no point. I do the things I think I need to make up for the things I don't have. Why am I forced to live a life with no happiness? Luckily I am not responsible for anyone except for maybe my mother. She puts me on a pedestal of so much potential at least she has my siblings. I try and am trying to fix my problem but I feel nothing is working. I'm not sure how long I can take it. I want to order SN soon and just leave on the night that I feel worse.
I think I relate to every single word of this, especially the bit about your mother (in this case, my parents). They expect a lot out of me but the good thing is, my parents were able to produce one very successful child who they should be proud of (my older sibling). I wish there was a way to dull the pain...
 
lonelygirl111

lonelygirl111

i don’t know what i’m doing anymore
Sep 20, 2022
39
im sorry ur in so much pain. being hopeless is exhausting and makes life so dark. i hope your pain lessens and days of peace follow.
 
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