FadeOut

FadeOut

Member
Aug 9, 2022
32
People around me keep saying that I just need to identify what I want in life and pursue it.

I don't want anything anymore. Nothing makes me truly happy.

Yes, tasty food is good, sex is good, music's good. Other than those superficial, very temporary pleasures, everything is just the burden of existence.

They don't understand when I say I don't want anything. They think it's just a defence mechanism or some other bullshit. But I really don't want anything.
 
Cerulea

Cerulea

Student
Sep 19, 2022
100
People around me keep saying that I just need to identify what I want in life and pursue it.

I don't want anything anymore. Nothing makes me truly happy.

Yes, tasty food is good, sex is good, music's good. Other than those superficial, very temporary pleasures, everything is just the burden of existence.

They don't understand when I say I don't want anything. They think it's just a defence mechanism or some other bullshit. But I really don't want anything.

It sounds like the people saying this to you have found some meaning and reason that works for them. They care about you, so it's natural that they would want to share that with you and help you stick around. I think most folks have a sense that everyone is hurting and struggling so sharing our coping mechanisms feels more like a love language than oppressive pressure.

You're right, though. They don't seem to understand you. They don't understand where you're at at this time, at least. For me, that's a really isolating feeling. I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling this way.

The good news about not wanting anything is that you have many potential possibilities to lean into. You have myriad choices to make and time to figure all of that out. Pursue anything that brings you peace and happiness in that time. I hope you find what you're looking for. We're all here to speak with you during this time.
 
FuneralCry

FuneralCry

Wish that I was gone
Sep 24, 2020
15,004
I also see existence as being a burden and I see life as not being desirable in any way with no benefit to being here. Existing simply doesn’t interest me. There’s never been much that I’ve wanted out of life in the first place, enduring life has always been so pointless. I just think that non existence is preferable to any kind of life and thought of permanent sleep is very appealing.
 
FadeOut

FadeOut

Member
Aug 9, 2022
32
It sounds like the people saying this to you have found some meaning and reason that works for them. They care about you, so it's natural that they would want to share that with you and help you stick around. I think most folks have a sense that everyone is hurting and struggling so sharing our coping mechanisms feels more like a love language than oppressive pressure.

You're right, though. They don't seem to understand you. They don't understand where you're at at this time, at least. For me, that's a really isolating feeling. I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling this way.

The good news about not wanting anything is that you have many potential possibilities to lean into. You have myriad choices to make and time to figure all of that out. Pursue anything that brings you peace and happiness in that time. I hope you find what you're looking for. We're all here to speak with you during this time.
Thank you for understanding ❤️

The thing about the possibilities is that I don't feel like I have any. I have to start my own life rn as a person without a lot of money and suffering from severe phobia of germs. I can't live with anyone else because of my phobia. Therapy and drugs don't help. I don't have enough money to rent even a tiny apartment alone. Job prospects are depressing.

I'm under a lot of pressure from my parents.

I just wanna fall asleep and not wake up.
I also see existence as being a burden and I see life as not being desirable in any way with no benefit to being here. Existing simply doesn’t interest me. There’s never been much that I’ve wanted out of life in the first place, enduring life has always been so pointless. I just think that non existence is preferable to any kind of life and thought of permanent sleep is very appealing.
I feel the same. The difference is, I've always wanted too much out of life. I've also been told that I can accomplish a lot. Now I see that it's all a scam. Life is just... Not that great
 
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Hollowillow

Hollowillow

I want throat hugs & anime! Can't use chat pm me
Aug 7, 2022
1,251
Thank you for understanding ❤️

The thing about the possibilities is that I don't feel like I have any. I have to start my own life rn as a person without a lot of money and suffering from severe phobia of germs. I can't live with anyone else because of my phobia. Therapy and drugs don't help. I don't have enough money to rent even a tiny apartment alone. Job prospects are depressing.

I'm under a lot of pressure from my parents.

I just wanna fall asleep and not wake up.

I feel the same. The difference is, I've always wanted too much out of life. I've also been told that I can accomplish a lot. Now I see that it's all a scam. Life is just... Not that great
Did the covid propaganda traumatize you?

The immune system us made in the spine with vitamin b & c... Like blood .. because it's blood. Injecting viruses to trigger it nonstop waste nutrition needed to function & renew cells. This is why vaccinated people are sicker than people who just eat healthy. I was sicj as a child & the sick fuck doctors injected me with even more diseases instead to order my mom to feed me properly.

Fear people. Trust your body.

I agree that society is garbage. I want out. Fuck pressure.
 
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FadeOut

FadeOut

Member
Aug 9, 2022
32
Did the covid propaganda traumatize you?

The immune system us made in the spine with vitamin b & c... Like blood .. because it's blood. Injecting viruses to trigger it nonstop waste nutrition needed to function & renew cells. This is why vaccinated people are sicker than people who just eat healthy. I was sicj as a child & the sick fuck doctors injected me with even more diseases instead to order my mom to feed me properly.

Fear people. Trust your body.

I agree that society is garbage. I want out. Fuck pressure.
No, it actually started before covid. I wasn't even THAT scared of covid after the initial stages when it was a completely new and generally scary thing. I also got sick with covid quite early and just felt weak for a few days. I'm really scared of bacteria and some other viruses.
 
Hollowillow

Hollowillow

I want throat hugs & anime! Can't use chat pm me
Aug 7, 2022
1,251
No, it actually started before covid. I wasn't even THAT scared of covid after the initial stages when it was a completely new and generally scary thing. I also got sick with covid quite early and just felt weak for a few days. I'm really scared of bacteria and some other viruses.
Bacteria can be good. You have more bacteria in your gut than cells. I think it's our real self, we die without them. They like to ferment raw greens. Probiotic yogurt is just pre digested greens by a cow. The good bacteria kill the bad. Sugar (grains) make mold grow... Probably the bad bactetia too? I'm scared of mold... And people. Scared of herpes & aids so much...
 
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locked*n*loaded

locked*n*loaded

Visionary
Apr 15, 2022
2,110
I don't have any enjoyment anymore, either. I eat just to eat. I don't even care what it is. Even good food is just food to me. It's just all the same for me. I like sex, or used to, but haven't had it in so long, I don't even think about it anymore. Music hardly appeals to me except on very rare occasions, and even then, I can take it or leave it. Most of the time I find myself not even paying attention, whether watching TV or listening to a song. I just don't care anymore. I don't want anything, either, except to just get off this train.
 
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FadeOut

FadeOut

Member
Aug 9, 2022
32
Bacteria can be good. You have more bacteria in your gut than cells. I think it's our real self, we die without them. They like to ferment raw greens. Probiotic yogurt is just pre digested greens by a cow. The good bacteria kill the bad. Sugar (grains) make mold grow... Probably the bad bactetia too? I'm scared of mold... And people. Scared of herpes & aids so much...
I know there is good bacteria and I actually love yoghurt lol
I'm still terrified of the bad bacteria
I don't have any enjoyment anymore, either. I eat just to eat. I don't even care what it is. Even good food is just food to me. It's just all the same for me. I like sex, or used to, but haven't had it in so long, I don't even think about it anymore. Music hardly appeals to me except on very rare occasions, and even then, I can take it or leave it. Most of the time I find myself not even paying attention, whether watching TV or listening to a song. I just don't care anymore. I don't want anything, either, except to just get off this train.
I'm really sorry you feel this way. Sounds like anhedonia, one of the classic symptoms of depression. I'm definitely not trying to diagnose you just by this piece of information, but have you been to a specialist?
 
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brokensea

brokensea

Experienced
Aug 4, 2022
277
Thank you for understanding ❤️

The thing about the possibilities is that I don't feel like I have any. I have to start my own life rn as a person without a lot of money and suffering from severe phobia of germs. I can't live with anyone else because of my phobia. Therapy and drugs don't help. I don't have enough money to rent even a tiny apartment alone. Job prospects are depressing.

I'm under a lot of pressure from my parents.

I just wanna fall asleep and not wake up.

I feel the same. The difference is, I've always wanted too much out of life. I've also been told that I can accomplish a lot. Now I see that it's all a scam. Life is just... Not that great
Don’t want to give unsolicited advice but I saw something about someone with similar symptoms as yours and they took some shrooms and it cured them. You can grow your own and get the spores. I’m waiting for my friends to finish growing so I can try some too. I can’t see how it will help but figure I have nothing to lose.
 
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FadeOut

FadeOut

Member
Aug 9, 2022
32
Don’t want to give unsolicited advice but I saw something about someone with similar symptoms as yours and they took some shrooms and it cured them. You can grow your own and get the spores. I’m waiting for my friends to finish growing so I can try some too. I can’t see how it will help but figure I have nothing to lose.
Where can I get the shrooms? I guess it wouldn't kill me to try
 
Obliviate

Obliviate

Abandon All Hope
Aug 13, 2022
242
You know it's insane, I don't even enjoy listening to music anymore. I'm literally so dead inside.
 
I

imdoneee

Member
Sep 11, 2022
28
Yesss I feel this 100%. I was involuntarily hospitalized last year after my stepsister committed suicide. I remember trying to explain this to the psychiatrist, staff, everyone. They told me it’d get better, that I’d eventually find happiness and joy again, and I just kept saying «I know I will, I know it won’t be like this forever, but I don’t care. I’m done, there’s nothing more I want to achieve or experience in this life. I know things will get better, but that doesn’t change my mind, I still don’t think the better times are worth it. I’m looking back at my life, remembering all my happiest moments, and still none of them are worth living through this hell. The good parts of life simply isn’t worth it, they’ll never weigh up to all the pain and suffering that comes with this existence, and that should be my decision to make. It’s so fucking unfair to force me to live this life just because you find your life meaningfull and worthy.»
 
Weeping Priestess

Weeping Priestess

Drunk on Despair
Aug 10, 2022
65
Mundane pleasures never interested me and I feel totally disconnected as well. It's an endless struggle of fulfilling needs in the end. I don't get how others aren't getting tired of chasing the same relief of pain over and over again. It's such a burden and quite boring as well.
 
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freedompass

freedompass

Arcanist
Jan 27, 2021
495
People around me keep saying that I just need to identify what I want in life and pursue it.

I don't want anything anymore. Nothing makes me truly happy.

Yes, tasty food is good, sex is good, music's good. Other than those superficial, very temporary pleasures, everything is just the burden of existence.

They don't understand when I say I don't want anything. They think it's just a defence mechanism or some other bullshit. But I really don't want anything.
I totally feel that. I’ve always been this way. What is even the point of wanting stuff anyway. Just a way to keep us perpetually craving and unsatisfied. Fine if that’s how you prefer to be but it’s not for everyone and I do rather resent the assumptions that people tend to make. ‘Oh you must have goals’ and ‘do things that make you happy’ ‘follow your passion’ all of that stuff. I’d rather sit here and ‘watch the wheels’ with John Lennon.
 
SpentStardust

SpentStardust

Member
Sep 20, 2022
23
I understand that. Personally I'm feeling more like I don't care about whatever nice things come after, I just want my life to end. Too much of a burden.
 
FadeOut

FadeOut

Member
Aug 9, 2022
32
I totally feel that. I’ve always been this way. What is even the point of wanting stuff anyway. Just a way to keep us perpetually craving and unsatisfied. Fine if that’s how you prefer to be but it’s not for everyone and I do rather resent the assumptions that people tend to make. ‘Oh you must have goals’ and ‘do things that make you happy’ ‘follow your passion’ all of that stuff. I’d rather sit here and ‘watch the wheels’ with John Lennon.
That John Lennon reference ❤️
You're right, I think an average person naturally creates goals to keep their sanity. It must be a survival mechanism that becomes faulty in people like us.
 
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wljourney

wljourney

Waiting for the bus
Apr 2, 2022
1,270
Anhedonia and Dysthymia.
Yup.
Both are brutal and can be enough to lower your quality of life so much that there simply seems to be no point.

I have actually gotten to the point of throwing things away. Books. DVDs. CDs. Clothing. Trinkets. Craft supplies.
It feels good to clean up, declutter, make space. But it's also really sad and difficult to go through things that used to bring me joy. I am realizing how much I have lost. How small my world has become.
 
rodie9k

rodie9k

Member
Jan 5, 2022
26
same, I have no interests, likes, or desires. my parents say I have to find something or force myself to be happy (fake it until I make it). it's been like this since at least 2015, possibly as early as 2011

I don't even like sex. food and music is all I have. but I can't build a life around those interests. I wish I had passions like normal people do

I read some papers saying socially excluded people become emotionally numb (i.e., don't feel happy, sad, etc.). are there people you feel belonging with?
 
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foreverfalling

foreverfalling

Member
Jul 22, 2022
89
The effort to get those things isn't worth it, they are just temporary distractions. When you see too far into the future, nothing is worth doing.
 
FadeOut

FadeOut

Member
Aug 9, 2022
32
same, I have no interests, likes, or desires. my parents say I have to find something or force myself to be happy (fake it until I make it). it's been like this since at least 2015, possibly as early as 2011

I don't even like sex. food and music is all I have. but I can't build a life around those interests. I wish I had passions like normal people do

I read some papers saying socially excluded people become emotionally numb (i.e., don't feel happy, sad, etc.). are there people you feel belonging with?
I have a few close people. I've always had a limited social circle (relationship depth over quantity)
 
rodie9k

rodie9k

Member
Jan 5, 2022
26
I have a few close people. I've always had a limited social circle (relationship depth over quantity)
that's good to hear

I couldn't tell from your posts: how do you feel about not wanting anything? would you wish to have interests?
 
Littlewittlelight

Littlewittlelight

Experienced
Sep 3, 2022
283
same, I have no interests, likes, or desires. my parents say I have to find something or force myself to be happy (fake it until I make it). it's been like this since at least 2015, possibly as early as 2011

I don't even like sex. food and music is all I have. but I can't build a life around those interests. I wish I had passions like normal people do

I read some papers saying socially excluded people become emotionally numb (i.e., don't feel happy, sad, etc.). are there people you feel belonging with?
I had friends in middle school and I just managed to keep them in high school I wasn't able to be normal because of my disease but I just wanted to feel normal or didn't care and since then it's been like almost 5 years and I can say I haven't had any good connection. Never been in a serious relationship irl except for one of that online thingy and now I feel it does and I am mostly numb until I get attached to someone online and numb because I don't have interactions and I can realise it after getting attached to a friend online or anyone so I am again in that situation maybe the social interactions let us feel emotions and their is some turbulence but while being alone you are barely depending on anything other than the relationship with your phone and distractions. I don't think I react to people's reactions properly maybe I have actually forgot what it is like to be in one and now I am so cynical that I push them away even more. I would agree with you that it has been one of the reasons and I have a hard time now even though I am in early 20s it means it can affect you and it doesn't take so long just some years. At first I even felt relief in doing these things. I am so disconnected from outside real world that I can't even realise that until someone brings it up online or my family talks about it but I don't really want to change it but can say the guilt is going to only accumulate if I grow more from here and continue to do this. No matter how fucked humans around you are if I gave it more thought I feel I will feel like an alien so gonna stop but this can be your reason and very relatable.
Peace hope you get whatever you want.
 
brokensea

brokensea

Experienced
Aug 4, 2022
277
Where can I get the shrooms? I guess it wouldn't kill me to try
You can buy mushroom growing kits online and can buy the spores separately. Golden Teacher I believe is a good beginning mushroom to try. It’s actually not illegal to buy the spores and they have mushroom growing kits. It’s just illegal most places to grow them. My friend is growing some and am just waiting for them to get bigger and she’s gonna bring me some. She was microdosing it before. It’s supposed to be a natural antidepressant as a microdose but I’m going to do a 2-3 gram dose for effects. They’ve been doing studies and giving it to cancer patients with depression and it’s helped them a lot and been successful. It’s cured some people with anxiety disorders as well. It can affect the brain in a way other things just can’t. I can’t imagine how it would help since my problems aren’t fixable but I feel like I may as well try it. It’s a bit of work to learn how to grow them and it takes time but the mushroom kits make it a little easier. I figure I have nothing to lose at this point. Even if I have a bad trip it’ll just help me on my way out. Most people have good experiences though and they say bad experiences you learn from. It has a very low rate of any long term bad effects like acid or stronger stuff has. You can buy the spores and kits online. Can google golden teacher spores and mushroom growing kit etc
 
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ryo the frog

ryo the frog

I'm in your house
Jun 27, 2022
22
why is someone wanting nothing out of life such a hard pill to swallow?
when will people understand that living just isn’t for everyone.
 
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On Replay

On Replay

Student
Sep 23, 2022
152
People around me keep saying that I just need to identify what I want in life and pursue it.

I don't want anything anymore. Nothing makes me truly happy.

Yes, tasty food is good, sex is good, music's good. Other than those superficial, very temporary pleasures, everything is just the burden of existence.

They don't understand when I say I don't want anything. They think it's just a defence mechanism or some other bullshit. But I really don't want anything.

“Find your purpose” “You have a purpose” … and what’s that ? Absolutely Hating my very existence ? drinking ? being used simply for what’s in my pants ? Not being able to connect with people ? I’ve reached my peak , as “successful” as I believe I’ll ever be. There’s nothing more than having to bare living with myself everyday. Some purpose
 
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