boredtodeath

boredtodeath

background noise
Jul 13, 2018
69
I hate responsibilities, I dont ever want to work, I dont want to socialise, and part of me doesn't even want friends. And at the same time, I dont want to be alone. I think if I ever had a family, I wouldnt stick around for long. I cant be around other people for too long, I just go insane after a while and need to be by myself. I feel like I was a feral animal or something in my previous life, because I just dont feel "domesticated"

I believe some people just arent cut out for life. The majority of the population can grow into the world and its rules, but then you have that small percentage of people who can't accept it. So we can either take meds and live off the goverment for our whole lives or just kill ourselves. Not a lot of choices for people like us.
 
Tiburcio

Tiburcio

Voluntary deletion.
May 9, 2018
1,573
Accepting the things exactly as they are doesn't grant happiness. Most part of them aren't conscient of the weight of their situation and they believe this is worthy because they can't see beyond it.

I can relate with what you said at the beginning so I understand you perfectly.
 
BurningLights

BurningLights

He killed himself with his own mind
Jul 2, 2018
709
It happens in all whole animal kingdom, what happens to the weak lion in the wild? What happens to bird that took to long to learn to fly. I believe this happens with humans as well. Except we have no predators. So we are left to either struggle our lives, or be our own predator.
I know that if I was a lion, or any other animal, then I would not have made it in the wild.
 
weedoge

weedoge

Banned
Jul 12, 2018
1,528
It happens in all whole animal kingdom, what happens to the weak lion in the wild? What happens to bird that took to long to learn to fly. I believe this happens with humans as well. Except we have no predators. So we are left to either struggle our lives, or be our own predator.
I know that if I was a lion, or any other animal, then I would not have made it in the wild.
Interesting way to think about it.
 
BurningLights

BurningLights

He killed himself with his own mind
Jul 2, 2018
709
Interesting way to think about it.
There must be reason why we struggle, and humans are just animals, we just developed a higher conscience, we learned to adapt at a superior rate and as a result, the survival instinct grew stronger, we learned of more ways to survive. Thus Getting in the way of natural selection, why is it that we are the only mammel growing in population? We managed to find a loophole, and we exploited it to the extreme. Becoming 'human' is our biggest weakness, and the 'weak', are the ones who suffer the most.
 
W

whatsthepoint

Member
Jul 17, 2018
12
I'm autistic (and I have a ton of chronic illnesses), so I know I'm not meant for this world. I was born fucked-up and I think it's cruel for society to want to keep me alive even though I'm suffering. Every day I have to go off to work with a fake smile on my face and pretend that I'm not in physical or emotional pain, and it's all for a stupid fucking paycheck that mostly just goes to pay for my rent and utilities and the many meds I take. I don't enjoy working nor do I enjoy making money. So why do I have to be forced into that sort of lifestyle? Why can't I just wither and die without anyone caring?
 
I

itsallover

Arcanist
Jun 29, 2018
478
Life is way too competitive for me. I'm a good hearted person and can't understand why others treat you like an animal whenever they feel like it. No one cares, not even these mental health workers who will lock you up solely because they don't want to be held responsible for your death.
 
MiserableBastard1995

MiserableBastard1995

Experienced
Mar 17, 2018
291
I'm autistic (and I have a ton of chronic illnesses), so I know I'm not meant for this world. I was born fucked-up and I think it's cruel for society to want to keep me alive even though I'm suffering. Every day I have to go off to work with a fake smile on my face and pretend that I'm not in physical or emotional pain, and it's all for a stupid fucking paycheck that mostly just goes to pay for my rent and utilities and the many meds I take. I don't enjoy working nor do I enjoy making money. So why do I have to be forced into that sort of lifestyle? Why can't I just wither and die without anyone caring?

Yup. It's pretty fucked living in a world designed and built by and for neurotypicals. The problem (for me at least) isn't so much as fitting in, it's a vast and complete incompatibility with the world around me. It's beyond cruel. It's beyond cruel to bring more souls into this thresher, especially those with genetic issues to begin with. But I digress.
 
U

Unsure girl

Member
Jul 20, 2018
24
I li
I hate responsibilities, I dont ever want to work, I dont want to socialise, and part of me doesn't even want friends. And at the same time, I dont want to be alone. I think if I ever had a family, I wouldnt stick around for long. I cant be around other people for too long, I just go insane after a while and need to be by myself. I feel like I was a feral animal or something in my previous life, because I just dont feel "domesticated"

I believe some people just arent cut out for life. The majority of the population can grow into the world and its rules, but then you have that small percentage of people who can't accept it. So we can either take meds and live off the goverment for our whole lives or just kill ourselves. Not a lot of choices for people like us.
I kinda feel the same as you
 
D

Deleted_9cKnXB34QG

Mage
Jun 26, 2018
501
I feel the same. Ever since I was child I couldn't stand school, being locked up in there and forced to abide all those stupid rules... it was traumatizing for me, I simply couldn't do it. So I would often skip classes or run away.

I can't imagine working. I don't want to be wageslave and I don't understand how do people do it. Or getting married and having kids, what a nightmare. I don't want to be a human anymore, human life is horrifying, over complicated mess.
 
El Topo

El Topo

(---)
Apr 21, 2018
480
Yup. It's pretty fucked living in a world designed and built by and for neurotypicals. The problem (for me at least) isn't so much as fitting in, it's a vast and complete incompatibility with the world around me. It's beyond cruel. It's beyond cruel to bring more souls into this thresher, especially those with genetic issues to begin with. But I digress.

The world is not designed and built by and for neurotypicals. The world is designed and built by and for psychopaths.
 
T

Thinkinaboutit

Member
Jul 9, 2018
16
When i was diagnosed with aspergers in the spring of 2012(when i was age 33), i scored above average in the verbal reasoning part but was borderline retarded in non-verbal reasoning. I have a masters degree in history but my learning disabilities and communication impairments greatly reduce my possible fields of employment.

Ive been in a training program for disabled people and worked part time being trained in a front desk position where an idiot vocational counselor put me because i have the ability to project a calm and pleasant demeanor in my shy way. Im in way over my head at this job and dread getting scolded by my "mentor" over the times i screw up. Fortunately i only have a week of it left.

I see, at best, only a low wage future ahead and financial dependency on my father and deranged moron, extreme control freak step mother. My step-mother can be pretty intolerable to deal with. For me, one of the only possible respites from the horrors of trying to function is getting sick. I had bypass surgery last december and a stent put in during May. Unfortunately these heart problems seem contained. Ive lost 60 pounds in the last year, am now only 20 or 30 pounds overweight, my cholesterol is only 125, etc. Im always on the lookout for symptoms in my body and google them with great hope that they might indicate something really bad but my body hasnt given me anything since the restenosis of one of my coronary arteries in May.

In many ways I seem quite incapable of fuctioning as a grown man and there have numerous times over the years when ive prefered death to living. Unfortunately, with my learning disabilities, some of the easier ways of ctbing would be very difficult for me. Also unfortunately my fucking step mother controls my bank account on the ground that she wants to teach me budgeting and withdrawal some money to pay some of the expenses for maintaining me. She also controls my eating.
 
S

samhelloall9

Experienced
Jul 16, 2018
297
I had speech therapy as a toddler, never been diagnosed, don't really want to be either. Besides, at my age, I don't even want to believe it one way or the other myself. Once you've lived life a way for so long, I don't want to think how I could possibly undo it all "and I don't really want to try." unquote. Like that quote by Mr Willy Wonka in the old Gene Wilder version; he makes a good point.

I've just been hoping and waiting but like you all I just keep going through the motions, for me it's also because I'm lazy but it's hard to tell anymore whether my laziness is natural or I just became lazy as a coping mechanism, knowing deep down while I'm very socially inept and incapable of performing even simple tasks...I do know how the system works and my place in it, you know? Like, I know my place and I know I'm not 'normal' as you've all ranted above.

Unfortunately, it is what is is. Simple to say, but it's true. So yeah. Sometimes I wish I was normal, even in the next life, but then I wonder to myself that, if only I could remove my flaws and keep my strengths: why would I ever want to be 'normal'? You know. That being said, I would be the first to say that being different there is something wrong with being different, personally. And that's coming from me, about me.

Ultimately, all I can say to you all, and to me, is: sigh.
 
BlackDragonof1989

BlackDragonof1989

Mage
Jul 12, 2018
526
I even think of the sperm competing to fertilize an egg and the whole thing seems so cruel, as others have alluded to this competitive nature in life. Parents parade their own children and degrade or downplay others', ex girlfriends and boyfriends and their new beaus or belles try to humiliate and completely blame the other and won't even try to see it from the others' point of view to try and empathize what they are experiencing, tribalism, exclusivism, self-righteousness, myopia, et cetera. It almost makes me believe in the Biblical version of Satan at times, how he's Lord of this world, but then again, the Biblical God seems pretty ruthless too, that His son would have to die to satisfy his justice requirements, and then there's that whole substitutionary atonement thing, which seems wrong in a sense, though I may cling to Christ so to speak in my last moments out of sheer and mortal (or immortal) terror, despite my not living like a Christian.

Other times I just see everything as just evolution and science, which in some ways seems better than having a supernatural belief, at least one that condemns some of us to eternal torment. How are people okay with that? Maybe suffering to be healed and made perfect so to speak, then release into bliss, but this eternal ongoing suffering ... and so many religious people seem to have the audacity, or are so fearful, to defend their beliefs at all costs. I've encountered this with atheists too, it seems more people want to be certain, whether it be a Christian, a Spiritual Satanist, a Muslim, I suppose Hindu (though I don't know much about it so I'm going out on a branch, but look at the caste system, even if that's not religiously motivated per se, it shows a lot about people's behaviors, as well as such things as war and slave owning, murder and so on) and so on. I would like answers too, but maybe it can't be learned from a religion but is a much more inclusive and universal love.

Makes me believe we're all just slightly more evolved apes running around, just look at how nasty our genitals really are up close. I don't know, I just don't know lol. Life has some touching aspects, people can do some beautiful and selfless things, but behind that selflessness I wonder how much is based on covert suicide by nihilist behavior thing, like the people who go into horrible countries to help others. Indeed many religions, though not all, view this life and world as an imposition of sorts, something to be liberated from. Some say make the most of today though and this is all we have, everyone has different opinions but I try to take what I can from all of them. Sorry, rambled. My hope is that after death we simply cease to exist, or we go to a place where pain and boredom and so on cannot be felt. I can see why it's written that we are conceived in sin, if that is correct, not because of any fault of our own, but how messed up this world is, and parents are in a way just for having children in the first place, though I don't judge those who do, it's something I couldn't do, and there are some who seem to really care for and mean the best for their children. But indeed, happy are those who have never been born, or however that quote goes. Better to have never been, I still basically believe, though I guess I have hope still, and fear, and guilt keeping me here. But more negative than positive.

I'm a very angry person as well, at people who have hurt me and been intentionally cruel to me, and at myself for not learning from my mistakes and not seeing how s8itty I can often be. But I'm better at my self control when angry than I used to be. I suppose drugs have helped some, and trying to better my diet, but I suspect I am too interpersonally damaged and genetically messed up to lead a truly happy life, though dxm helped for awhile, but it became more dysphoric and I am too scared to buy illegal drugs though some are indeed intriguing. So I'm trying to eat better too, diphenhydramine to cloud my brain up when needed, a cigarette if I really need one, try not to smoke more than one every few days, et cetera, et cetera. Still, I think we are here to love, in my idealist heart, and that love is really all that matters, beyond the fear, beyond the ego. But boundaries are also important too I believe.

Time for bed lol.
 
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Midnight

Midnight

Beyond solace
Jun 30, 2018
625
It happens in all whole animal kingdom, what happens to the weak lion in the wild? What happens to bird that took to long to learn to fly. I believe this happens with humans as well. Except we have no predators. So we are left to either struggle our lives, or be our own predator.
I know that if I was a lion, or any other animal, then I would not have made it in the wild.

Exactly! I've been thinking the same thing for years. If i would have been an animal in the wild i wouldn't have lasted a month.
 
FadedMemory

FadedMemory

Student
Aug 5, 2018
134
I've always felt unreal and weird in this world, ever since childhood. I didn't like school, studying, I had no interests and couldn't feel any joy, and I was bullied all the way through primary school. I'm afraid of people and of settling down.
Marriage and 9-5 job seems boring to me.
I have no desire to bring other humans in this miserable world.
While the Earth is beautiful, humans are mean creatures in my opinion, there are those on the top who dictate everything rest of us do, making our primary goal to earn a monthly wage while they actually enjoy life without consequences. I'm not for anarchy, but there are too many rules and restrictions for ordinary people and there is way too little kindness in this world.
It shouldn't have been this way. Why couldn't we all love and live together in peace?
Something is wrong, I sense it in the air, I sense it in my veins.
I have accepted myself as an accidental NPC in this game, and since then I just stand there and watch what happens.
I'm a lost wonderer, and soon I'm going home.
 
MLongshaw

MLongshaw

Student
Aug 5, 2018
129
I hate responsibilities, I dont ever want to work, I dont want to socialise, and part of me doesn't even want friends. And at the same time, I dont want to be alone. I think if I ever had a family, I wouldnt stick around for long. I cant be around other people for too long, I just go insane after a while and need to be by myself. I feel like I was a feral animal or something in my previous life, because I just dont feel "domesticated"

I believe some people just arent cut out for life. The majority of the population can grow into the world and its rules, but then you have that small percentage of people who can't accept it. So we can either take meds and live off the goverment for our whole lives or just kill ourselves. Not a lot of choices for people like us.
It’s not you that’s wrong it’s our society
 
Sundayafternoon

Sundayafternoon

Cosmic panic
May 18, 2018
394
I feel like I was a feral animal or something in my previous life, because I just dont feel "domesticated".

I have used almost this EXACT same phrase. I throw in, "emotionally" before feral, though.

If we were allowed to bow out gracefully, who would they feel superior to?

Who can they watch fuck up job after job, ruin relationship after relationship, (if they are so lucky) get evicted, collect multiple "30 day clean" chips, ruin their credit, who would they call crazy after that final straw caused them to blow up on a walmart employee?

Who can would pity because of their miserable defunct lives?

They know what the fuck they are doing
Or maybe they don't and I'm just angry.
 
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nuclearsnake

Student
Jul 11, 2018
147
I also weird as well. Nowadays it's not just that - I feel utterly broken as well. Assuming there is a God I'm his dumpster. It makes me somewhat sad when I see all these people who look normal, who know how to act, behave, make friends and here I am, some weird shit like a weird growth or some freaky tumor. I'm never going to experience life as a person and that's a bit sad.