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SuicidalDream

SuicidalDream

Member
Joined
Jun 1, 2019
Messages
42
I normally talk to my therapist twice a week. He was on vacation for a few weeks, and I realized I felt a lot better. I started to feel worse when we talked again. It got me thinking about whether talking to him makes things worse and why that might be. I noticed that he asks questions about my life, then just lets me rant and spiral into negativity when he doesn't have any advice. He rarely has good advice that I haven't already thought of. I've had this same therapist for 9 years. I kind of think of him as a friend. I don't know how to tell him that he's making things more difficult for me, although I think he would be willing to change his approach if he knew the effect of it. My plan for now is to try to be more mindful of my own negative thoughts, which is something I've been working on anyway. I don't know if having a therapist is worthwhile if it's not helping me. The only benefits I see are that I like talking to him about non-personal topics, that my psychiatrist requires his patients to have a therapist, and that my therapist has stood up for me to help avoid unnecessary hospitalization.

How do I talk to him about this?

Anyone here have a similar issue?
 
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everydayiloveyou

Arcanist
Joined
Jul 5, 2020
Messages
405
Dude you need a new therapist, ASAP. Why are you still giving him your money?

You need to tell him that you feel worse after sessions and that you feel like you aren't making any progress. Say exactly what you said in this post. If he insists that everything's ok, or pretends to hear you out but does nothing, then your therapist is the problem. He's coasting on you because you're his easy session of the day and he likes listening to you, and it's at your expense and yours alone.

I felt like this with one of my previous therapists. I stopped going because I couldn't afford it anymore. It's not like I could justify the costs anyways. I was not any better or worse for that decision because seeing that therapist did absolutely nothing for me. I told her that I felt like I was achieving nothing and just ranting/sitting in silence with my problems, and she listened and did the same things. A good therapist doesn't do that. They are constructive, help you, and discuss with you if they feel their work with you has stalled. In any case, you should feel comfortable discussing these things with them first and foremost.

There's tons of great therapists out there who will help you grow as a person. And since you've been in treatment so long, also consider if maybe your therapeutic work is done and now you're in a more 'management' phase. Discuss this with your psychiatrist as well, if you are doing really well he might be able to refer you out to a more lenient psychiatrist who doesn't require that you're in therapy and keeps you on the same meds (if they are working ok for you)
 
Celerity

Celerity

Living life at a crossroads, always
Joined
Jan 24, 2021
Messages
1,602
I have never seen one therapist continuously for that long. That said, I do know what it’s like to become attached to a therapist only to be faced with the necessity of discontinuing therapy. It’s awkward and feels more like a breakup than one would think.

Most therapists and psychiatrists I’ve met seemed like lovely people. I think they genuinely tried and that it just didn’t work. I hold no ill will or resentment towards them even if I do question the legitimacy of their professions.

Even when you click with a therapist, you sometimes have to walk away. It happens all the time. You’re doing no wrong by dropping this guy. The therapy is for you, not him. Simply for closure given the length of your relationship, I would just call and explain that you don’t think therapy is working for you at this time and that you need to take a break. You don’t need to say more than that. If he resists and tries to argue with you, then you definitely know you made the right decision.
 
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MyStateKilledMe

Experienced
Joined
Apr 23, 2020
Messages
290
Therapy is NOT meant to make you feel better. In reality, therapy is meant to make you feel better... about being unhappy. Many therapists will even berate you for asking them to help you feel better quickly. Their mantra is "it's more important to feel better in the long run", which is code for "feel depressed for as long as possible and make me rich by listening to my platitudes".

Think about it: therapy is the ONLY industry where it's the UNHAPPY customer who comes back. So what incentive does your therapist have to help you feel better? None! Because once you become happy, you'll stop coming and take away $100/hour of effortless income.

Most depression is caused by low serotonin and/or dopamine levels. It's caused by a chemical imbalance, not "negative thinking". Your best bet is to see a doctor---a REAL doctor, not a feelings quack. This way, you can get to the root of the problem. Get yourself an antidepressant prescription. Get some blood work done, to figure out which hormones are at insufficient levels.
 
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whywere

Enlightened
Joined
Jun 26, 2020
Messages
1,318
Hi! I have had good but mostly bad experiences with therapists. One therapist did help me some in talk therapy. But with that said I had another one who was all in for the money aspect. When it would be getting close to a hour, that person would be looking at the clock and not me.

But it seems a lot of my experiences with mental health folks always revolved around money. When I was in court ordered IOP (intense outpatient program) my insurance paid everything and others had to leave because their insurance paid for only so many sessions.

I have NOT been back to any since 2018, and I have no desire to ever step in a mental health place again. It turns my stomach thinking that it is about money and not the person/people who need help and guidance.

Walter
 
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BitterlyAlive_

BitterlyAlive_

-
Joined
Dec 8, 2020
Messages
1,766
I agree with others here, it sounds like you may need a new therapist. He doesn’t sound very skilled at all, which is even worse considering how many years he’s been a therapist. You deserve better care and support than that, especially with the platitudes. Yikes.

Others have recommended that you tell the therapist what you told us here, and normally I would recommend that too….a good therapist won’t be offended, make you feel bad for expressing your concerns or needs, and will respect you/what you say. Given what you’ve said here, I don’t really think it’s worth the effort. But it could be good practice for speaking up for yourself, maybe he’ll listen. Or, if you ultimately decide to find a new therapist, it could also be decent closure.

If you can get proper help from a therapist, it could make a huge difference. They should focus on teaching you skills to learn to manage your depression, listening to you. Helping you notice possible patterns, habits, etc. The ultimate goal of a good therapist is to facilitate growth, while providing a proper level of support to the individual.
 
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MyStateKilledMe

Experienced
Joined
Apr 23, 2020
Messages
290
BitterlyAlive_ said:
If you can get proper help from a therapist, it could make a huge difference. They should focus on teaching you skills to learn to manage your depression, listening to you. Helping you notice possible patterns, habits, etc. The ultimate goal of a good therapist is to facilitate growth, while providing a proper level of support to the individual.
That's the problem: therapists don't actually teach you anything! Pro-lifers say that your therapist is merely a "guide", and you have to do the actual work. Well, what the fuck are they good for, when they don't give you any actual guidance, and you have to figure out everything yourself anyway? Every time I asked my therapist for an explanation for something I encountered or for advice for something I expected, they'd either just say "OK, it happened to you and it made you sad" or "what do you think you should do?"

That's no different than talking to a wall or the Eliza chatbot! Therapists are garbage!
 
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whywere

Enlightened
Joined
Jun 26, 2020
Messages
1,318
MyStateKilledMe said:
That's the problem: therapists don't actually teach you anything! Pro-lifers say that your therapist is merely a "guide", and you have to do the actual work. Well, what the fuck are they good for, when they don't give you any actual guidance, and you have to figure out everything yourself anyway Every time I asked my therapist for an explanation for something I encountered or for advice for something I expected, they'd either just say "OK, it happened to you and it made you sad" or "what do you think you should do?"

That's no different than talking to a wall or the Eliza chatbot! Therapists are garbage!
I 100% agree with you, as I stated in my post, therapists that I have gone to always look at the clock and NOT me. You are Very wise indeed!

Take great care of yourself,

Walter
 
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T

tabletop

Member
Joined
Oct 8, 2019
Messages
54
SuicidalDream said:
I normally talk to my therapist twice a week. He was on vacation for a few weeks, and I realized I felt a lot better. I started to feel worse when we talked again. It got me thinking about whether talking to him makes things worse and why that might be. I noticed that he asks questions about my life, then just lets me rant and spiral into negativity when he doesn't have any advice. He rarely has good advice that I haven't already thought of. I've had this same therapist for 9 years. I kind of think of him as a friend. I don't know how to tell him that he's making things more difficult for me, although I think he would be willing to change his approach if he knew the effect of it. My plan for now is to try to be more mindful of my own negative thoughts, which is something I've been working on anyway. I don't know if having a therapist is worthwhile if it's not helping me. The only benefits I see are that I like talking to him about non-personal topics, that my psychiatrist requires his patients to have a therapist, and that my therapist has stood up for me to help avoid unnecessary hospitalization.

How do I talk to him about this?

Anyone here have a similar issue?
Maybe trying to say it in email or text would be easier than saying it in person? I think the way you worded your feelings here was VERY GOOD!!! I mean like, that would be a super good way to word it to him. Maybe even copy and past what you wrote here in an email to him?

I know you said you think of him as a friend. It's never easy to confront a friend with something potentially offensive. But I urge you to keep in mind that he is paid to provide you a service.

Maybe it'd be better to switch therapists as others suggested. Maybe it'd be better to communicate your feelings to him and see if he tries a different perhaps more effective approach as that's what it seems you want. I have no idea. I think someone else could be way better. Then again maybe if he changes his methods maybe how well he knows you would be a significant advantage.

I suggest searching for articles about the very question you are asking. Maybe something like "How do I tell my therapist this isn't working out?" There's a bunch of stuff out there written by therapists. One thing they all say is you must vibe well, and any therapist you bring this topic up with (if they're a good therapist) will be very understanding. It's part of their training I'm sure. Maybe that can help you find it easier. Personally I still wouldn't find it easy.

They say you should say something though before leaving a therapist instead of just ghosting. They say you could learn something in the process.

I wish you the best. If you do say something let us know how it goes.
 
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Alwaysbadtime

Alwaysbadtime

Enlightened
Joined
Jun 28, 2021
Messages
1,179
MyStateKilledMe said:
Most depression is caused by low serotonin and/or dopamine levels. It's caused by a chemical imbalance, not "negative thinking". Your best bet is to see a doctor---a REAL doctor, not a feelings quack. This way, you can get to the root of the problem. Get yourself an antidepressant prescription. Get some blood work done, to figure out which hormones are at insufficient levels.
I don't know. Everyone I have ever talked to who is suicidal has a pretty fucking shitty lame life situation. I don't think it's as simple as brain chemistry. It's situational oftentimes.
 
hotelbeneathground

hotelbeneathground

gay
Joined
Apr 13, 2021
Messages
3,511
Alwaysbadtime said:
I don't know. Everyone I have ever talked to who is suicidal has a pretty fucking shitty lame life situation. I don't think it's as simple as brain chemistry. It's situational oftentimes.

The “serotonin hypothesis” of clinical depression is almost 50 years old. Simple biochemical theories that link low levels of serotonin with depressed mood are no longer tenable.
 
M

MyStateKilledMe

Experienced
Joined
Apr 23, 2020
Messages
290
Alwaysbadtime said:
I don't know. Everyone I have ever talked to who is suicidal has a pretty fucking shitty lame life situation. I don't think it's as simple as brain chemistry. It's situational oftentimes.
"Situation" is right. Until the situation goes away, the depression won't go away, either. In fact, a "situation" is what drove me to join this site: my state's Democrats created quarantine orders telling everyone to stay home at all times until further notice. (Hence my username.) Which meant no in-person interactions. No meals with friends. No hugs. No lively groups rooting for a sports team, high-fiving each other. (Limited trips to grocery stores and neighborhood walks for exercise were permitted, but nothing else.) Which destroyed my social life and all entertainment not involving a device screen. So I decided I'm better off dead than living like that.

What made my situation go away was joining a hard-right-wing political group. They hate Democrats, and don't believe in any of their propaganda. I had concerns about the group, but since I planned on being dead within a month or so, there was no reason to worry. They liked my posts on their social media pages, and invited me to their party. I drove for 2 hours, and had to park by a shuttered church to evade the police. I hugged more people that night than I did for months prior! I'm still friends with them, and we often road-trip to adjacent Republican states. One thing I can never tell them is that their party literally saved my life. I was already buying CTB supplies, and looking up SN on a river in Brazil. (It's possible to buy it there in the US.)

Still, most, if not all, therapists believe that all you need to cure depression is positive thinking and sharing your feelings. If I listened to them, I'd be practicing 6-foot (2-meter) social distancing now. Only it'd be 6 feet (2 meters) in the ground, rather than horizontally.
 
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Annabella

Annabella

Member
Joined
Jan 13, 2021
Messages
22
Brother, the truth is that therapy hinders progress. There was this experiment a while ago in which they aided a group of children from a war torn country with therapy while they left another group of children on their own. And yes, the children that had therapy were feeling worse than the others. The original reason why psychotherapy exists is to blend morals, to make good evil and evil good until it leds to the destruction of morals in an individual/society. It's poison and made specifically to deceive and misdirect. It's like society feeds the average man lots of poison(mass media, social media, inversion of values) with one hand while it covers his eyes with psychotherapy with another. This way the average man is stuck in limbo forever, like a lost soul.

There's a reason why the evil from this society makes you feel like shit. Because evil is evil and it's poison for the soul. It will always be evil no matter how much they try to spin it around. You've probably been "drinking" a lot of evil disguised as goodness to get to such a bad state that you browse this sanctioned suicide forum(believe me, many of us were deceived) and I tell you that the best way to get back in shape,step by step, as corny/cheesy as it sounds, is:

1.To asses what is evil and what is good, look into your soul:does Dali/abstract art make you feel better, on a better spiritual plane? Or does it make you feel like shit? Does it actually burn your soul? (btw abstract art was used as instrument of torture for a while). Does this community offer little to no hope? Is it demoralizing? Could this be propaganda?(in war time demoralization is just as important as physical warfare).

2.see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil. Many times it's said that what we see, what we experience can be stuck to our souls, it can become a part of us in ways we don't even expect. This doesn't mean that we shouldn't be aware of what is happening in the world, just that we should avoid non stop demoralization. And from this point of view we should avoid mass media/Hollywood too, not just the news. I've observed that back in the day songs/art were heightening the soul, now it's almost like they just want to get a reaction out of you, which is corrosive for the soul.(step 1 helps step 2)

3think about what you think, thought patterns. Your thought patterns will change naturally anyway if you follow step 1 and 2, this step is not that hard. You can't have a clear mind if you hear anxiety from everywhere.

4Remoralize!! Read books written 200 years ago, try to connect with the past, try to feel love, go to church, go to a nice park, connect with family. Be happy and whole again!! Replace the poison with medicine, replace rock/pop/junk with classical/church choirs and try to feel it, replace modern morality with classical morality, try to become human again.
I wrote this guide for both me and you, i thought it was worth pointing out. (btw atheism doesn't really exist, you either are with God or against him, and many times if you are against him you get soul sick even though you live a great life)

Tl:dr: close the internet and start reading a good book.
 
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