Vicepuma

Vicepuma

Doggo
Jul 16, 2018
56
I'm 26 and I'm from Belgium.

Been suffering from a combination of anxiety and depression since 2010. Symptoms would come and go, but I slowly started to become more and more obsessive with certain unexplainable thoughts. I remember being unemployed from the end of 2010 until late 2014 because of it. All I did was sleep and browse the internet all day long. Desperately hoping I would somehow find an explanation for everything one day. I never really did. That period of my life feels like a blur now.

Started taking antidepressants at the end of 2014. It managed to suppress the anxiety and depression a little bit. I actually found the motivation to get a job. It wasn't easy, I had to hide four years of my life for everyone. But somehow... I managed to get by. I passed several exams for a decent government job and I'm still employed there to this day. It's kinda crazy because I earn a lot of money... a lot more than most people my age. I should be happy and grateful by most standards.

A good job doesn't magically fix everything though. I don't have any friends besides some of the people I work with. There are times when I feel really lonely. I often feel out of place and different. I feel like I have to hide my true self all the time. I have to pretend everything's okay. And it's getting harder lately. I am so tired of having to survive through each day. Nobody deserves to live like this. People at my work seem to think I'm an outgoing guy who goes to parties a lot and enjoys life but they have no idea that, more often than not, all I do is go straight to bed when I get home from work. If only they knew how miserable my life really is.

I've tried to improve my life many times, but in the end everything always turns to shit. There have been times where I felt incredible. Like I was on top of the world and could take on anything. Unfortunately, these moments are scarce and the feelings of despair are always there to take over.

I guess the only reason I'm still here is because I haven't found a decent, painless way to go. That, and being afraid I would screw up. There is nothing else holding me back.
 
I

itsallover

Arcanist
Jun 29, 2018
465
I hear I am tired of the monotony in life. Even when I was working I was bored to death and wondering what I am doing here. Belgium has the most open euthanasia laws in the country, maybe you should look into that. I watched a documentary about a 24 year old woman with severe mental health issues that was given the right to die.
 
F

Final Escape

I’ve been here too long
Jul 8, 2018
4,353
I'm 26 and I'm from Belgium.

Been suffering from a combination of anxiety and depression since 2010. Symptoms would come and go, but I slowly started to become more and more obsessive with certain unexplainable thoughts. I remember being unemployed from the end of 2010 until late 2014 because of it. All I did was sleep and browse the internet all day long. Desperately hoping I would somehow find an explanation for everything one day. I never really did. That period of my life feels like a blur now.

Started taking antidepressants at the end of 2014. It managed to suppress the anxiety and depression a little bit. I actually found the motivation to get a job. It wasn't easy, I had to hide four years of my life for everyone. But somehow... I managed to get by. I passed several exams for a decent government job and I'm still employed there to this day. It's kinda crazy because I earn a lot of money... a lot more than most people my age. I should be happy and grateful by most standards.

A good job doesn't magically fix everything though. I don't have any friends besides some of the people I work with. There are times when I feel really lonely. I often feel out of place and different. I feel like I have to hide my true self all the time. I have to pretend everything's okay. And it's getting harder lately. I am so tired of having to survive through each day. Nobody deserves to live like this. People at my work seem to think I'm an outgoing guy who goes to parties a lot and enjoys life but they have no idea that, more often than not, all I do is go straight to bed when I get home from work. If only they knew how miserable my life really is.

I've tried to improve my life many times, but in the end everything always turns to shit. There have been times where I felt incredible. Like I was on top of the world and could take on anything. Unfortunately, these moments are scarce and the feelings of despair are always there to take over.

I guess the only reason I'm still here is because I haven't found a decent, painless way to go. That, and being afraid I would screw up. There is nothing else holding me back.
It’s probably a combo of the boredom, no meaning in your life, that job definitely isn’t motivating I’m sure.
 
shattered dreams

shattered dreams

Student
Jun 5, 2018
134
Money doesn't solve problems. Money doesn't fix happiness. Financial security does relieve stress, but if you're at the point where we are at, financial security simply postpones the inevitable.

Speak for yourself. Money would absolutely solve my problems so that I would no longer be suicidal. The main reason I am suicidal is because of lack of money. I live in poverty in the United States making only $12,000 a year. I cannot afford to take care of myself on that so I live a horrible life. I have to rent a room out of someone's house since I cannot afford even the cheapest, most basic apartment. I drive a beat up old car with no ac that barely runs. Every time it breaks I cannot afford to eat so I am starving half the time. Back in the year 2000, I was making $2500 a month which still isn't much. However, I had 2 decent cars and my own apartment. The thought of suicide never crossed my mind. I cannot make any more because now I am in very poor health and can only work part time. If I somehow won the lottery, I would want to live again. I am not going to be ridiculous and say money would solve all my problems, but it would solve the one problem that is causing me to be suicidal.
 
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Threads

Warlock
Jul 13, 2018
724
Speak for yourself. Money would absolutely solve my problems so that I would no longer be suicidal. The main reason I am suicidal is because of lack of money. I live in poverty in the United States making only $12,000 a year. I cannot afford to take care of myself on that so I live a horrible life. I have to rent a room out of someone's house since I cannot afford even the cheapest, most basic apartment. I drive a beat up old car with no ac that barely runs. Every time it breaks I cannot afford to eat so I am starving half the time. Back in the year 2000, I was making $2500 a month which still isn't much. However, I had 2 decent cars and my own apartment. The thought of suicide never crossed my mind. I cannot make any more because now I am in very poor health and can only work part time. If I somehow won the lottery, I would want to live again. I am not going to be ridiculous and say money would solve all my problems, but it would solve the one problem that is causing me to be suicidal.

I can feel your hostility in your response.

I was where you were from January 2015 - February of 2016. Collecting disability, renting a room from a sociopath, recovering an open surgery, cancer, heroin addiction, and grieving. I needed mental healthcare, and eventually did see a therapist for a couple months, who I eventually had to stop seeing because I couldn't pay the copay for and eventually owed her around $350. My family was completely absent at that time and I was incapable of asking for help. From February 2015 - July 2015 I worked under the table for a restaurant that essentially stole every penny I earned. I made less than you did and did not have a car until March 2016. I did not starting actually making real money (3k a month) until February of 2016 and lived off of staple meals and shoplifted as often as I could in order to provide. Even when I hit money with Bitcoin, which I've made essentially enough to pay for my apartment and basic expenses for a very very long time, it hasn't changed my mindset.

I guess for you money may be something that would help you. Had I won the lottery back then, I'd still be suicidal and broken up. The only thing difference is I wouldn't be married, I'd be living on a yacht with Miss Algeria, Miss Tunisia, Miss Italy, Miss Spain, and Miss Vietnam, and I'd be doing drugs all the time. The yacht and pretty ladies are still my life goals.
 
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shattered dreams

shattered dreams

Student
Jun 5, 2018
134
I can feel your hostility in your response.

Yeah, I am pissed, very pissed off, but not at you, it is at my employer. I have had my job for 4 years. For the first 3 years they provided me with a company car and paid for all expenses on it. Although I was only making the same $1,000 a month, I did just fine and was not suicidal at all. A year ago I get a call that I am now going to have to pay for the company vehicle by having to work 20 hours a week instead of the 6 hours a week I currently work. This would have also caused me to lose my free health insurance (medicaid) because I would make too much money to qualify. I refused to do that since it was a very bad deal for me. Instead, they took away the company vehicle and made me buy my own car and pay for the insurance, registration,gas, insurance and repairs. They told me it was costing the company $400 a month for the company vehicle, so I essentially got a $400 a month pay cut. I will also add that I did an absolutely perfect job for them, never missing even one shift. I pay $500 a month for rent alone, so I am screwed. Since this happened, my health has rapidly declined and my quality of life is horrible now. I cannot even afford to eat properly, and going out and having any sort of entertainment is out of the question. I have explored all possible avenues to improve my situation, and there is none. I do not want to take my life, but I have no choice anymore.
 
F

Final Escape

I’ve been here too long
Jul 8, 2018
4,353
Socialism makes us poorer and it kills more people than anything else. Socialism is how most countries are set up. Universal healthcare, welfare state, basically the government steals from the wealthy to give to the poor and this alters the incentive structure. Smarter people stop being able to create jobs because so much taxation, the dumber people outbreed the more competent under socialism and this adds to it too. The poorer people would not normally breed so much because when there is no welfare state they cannot behave in a way that is irresponsible. This happens naturally in a free society without government manipulation of the money and economy. Anyway, so yea this system is not sustainable long term because it’s a fraudulent economics that doesn’t take in to consideration the reality of how humans work. You cannot rule over people because absolute power corrupts. The people who control the government think they can though.
 
F

Final Escape

I’ve been here too long
Jul 8, 2018
4,353
Of course the goal of socialism is communism. The elite are doing this on purpose to destroy freedom. Look up agenda 21 or agenda 2030 on youtube. The goal is to reduce the population, create poverty, death, starvation. Sorry to be depressing, but yea this unnatural poverty most of us experiencing is the result of government policy. They are constricting the ability of the economy to grow. It can only grow when we have a free market, not much restrictions on finding or creating employment.
 
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shattered dreams

shattered dreams

Student
Jun 5, 2018
134
Of course the goal of socialism is communism. The elite are doing this on purpose to destroy freedom. Look up agenda 21 or agenda 2030 on youtube. The goal is to reduce the population, create poverty, death, starvation. Sorry to be depressing, but yea this unnatural poverty most of us experiencing is the result of government policy. They are constricting the ability of the economy to grow. It can only grow when we have a free market, not much restrictions on finding or creating employment.

I am sure you are referencing me having to deny the extra work so that I did not lose my Medicaid. In truth, I would have denied it anyways. I make $45 an hour for the 6 hours I currently work. They offered me 12 additional hours a week at $10 an hour. I would have refused it even if it did not mess with my Medicaid. It was a very bad deal and insulting to say the least. I even qualified for unemployment since it was essentially a huge pay cut, but I cannot work a regular job, so I would have been dead by now if I would of went on unemployment since it only lasts 6 months.