Some idiot
May 11, 2018
As dumb and unrealistic as it sounds, I just woke up today, took a shower, then realized to myself, at least right now, I may move my suicide date to "Undetermined". As in, right now I sort of have a reason to keep going, that is until my mother dies.

I guess I'm pretty fortunate that I have one parent who gives a shit about me, but I feel like I have to stay here til my mom has her diabetic situation all fucked up and she ends up dying. I said in a previous thread that if she ends up being gone, I really wouldn't blink an eye at doing attempts like getting hit by a train, and honestly I'll keep researching safer methods until then, but I'm going to avoid this forum until then.

DID still really sucks for me btw, but honestly I still think I'm going to ctb eventually, but I don't think I'm ready for this decision yet.

I hope the best for all of you guys, whether your life no longer sucks ass or you at least end up going peacefully. I'll probably be on that bus in the future, just I'm not ready for this decision yet obviously.
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