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May 13, 2020
Today as I sat with a dear friend I saw the life I could've had. She is a great person who has had some the same problems I have had, alcoholism and depression. We worked in the same sector, I no longer, but I was in awe of her composure and self awareness and felt that at one time I could have taken the same direction but for my depression being crippling so often.

There was a time that I would have been jealous and envious but not this time, I just felt so happy for how she had managed to take control of her life and live well.

I have shared before that I'm resigned to my fate and have given myself a year to try and turn things around before I take terminal action.

I was wondering if others have ever felt the same about their lives and if they have had a glimpse of what life could have been like without the weight of mental illness or addiction, have you ever used it as a motivation to try harder to rebuild and were you successful?

Best wishes to everyone.


Time is of the essence
Oct 24, 2020
I have an old friend who also has the same mental illnesses as me. We were very close and relied on each other. It’s strange because for me things got worse to the point where I don’t see a chance of recovery, but as far as I know she seems to be doing better. We lost contact but it’s just strange to see someone living that life, the one both of us believed wasn’t possible. I’ve tried to use it as motivation but ultimately it feels like my mental state is up to genetics and luck at this point, and I lost on both.
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Apr 28, 2020
Everytime I glimpse at the past I realize that everything the happened to me was my own fault. Sure that was a bit of luck involved which my dice rolls were really bad, but mostly it was my own choices.
Bad decisions made, bad things said.
If I were a bit smarter, even my mental illness would not be as severe as it is now. It's really a bad feeling to look behind and realize that you are where you are now because of your own mistakes.
I try to get better now, but only to be able to live a bit, not to improve my life because I don't think that is possible anymore.

Anyway, even so, I try to take things lightly. Past is written and frankly I used to idealize the future too much. Sometimes life is what is what it is.

You're probably different than me. Life lead you to this. That saying that 90% of your life is already predetermined, maybe it's true.
Maybe we can recover.
I hope you manage to turn things around. I'll be rooting for both of you.
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Mar 26, 2020
Every life has challenges and rewards. Some more of one or the other. There can be some use in comparison. For example, seeing someone else with a loving family might encourage one to stop being an alcoholic.

However, beating yourself up over what you imagine or is really a missed opportunity does not often provide benefit. For example, the young girl who makes a misjudgement of someone and ends up a single mom will likely face a much more difficult life than she might have had otherwise. The key is to build as successful life as you can with what you have to work with.

The hardship encountered with the single mom example might end up with being able to see deeper into character than would have otherwise been possible.

Missed opportunities, mistakes, and random difficulty can impose hardships, but they can also shape character in ways that would otherwise not be possible.
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