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Tintypographer

Tintypographer

Specialist
Apr 29, 2020
312
Lately I've been further feeling nothing matters. My interactions with other people are designed for them to get me to do something or agree to do something. That's it. Work meeting are never to share things with me or get my thoughts. They're designed to get me to do things. All the time.

I don't see that any of this matters. It's the same thing with my wife and kids. Nothing matters. No one can convince me of anything mattering. If I kill myself, will it matter 500 years from now? Statistically? And I don't care about the here an now. Even my kids emotions won't matter in the grand scheme of things. We are all here to simply be part of the cogs of people trying to get us to do things for others needs.

I want to kill myself and leave absolutely no reason. Make my posts here untraceable, give nothing to answer any questions. I wish I could trigger suicide then some way my body could disappear without any trace at all. And never have any resolution. I would love for the groups at work to be continuously needing things and ping away hoping I will come to meetings and not show and they have no idea I'm dead. Like they are counting on me to show up and answer questions and then I just dont show. Maybe they send my unread email feedback about being part of the team and no one ever hears why I died or disappeared. I'm just gone with no answers.

That's what I dream about all the time now.
 
LeavingForever

LeavingForever

-
Sep 24, 2020
7,565
It is true that nothing really matters. Life is just a pointless experience that we go through for the sake of it, everything is just a distraction from death. Eventually we will all die and be forgotten. I often wish I could just disappear, as I do not want to have to deal with this life anymore. Living can be very tiring and stressful and it seems like we were brought into this world just to suffer.
 
_Minsk

_Minsk

death: the cure for life
Dec 9, 2019
798
I like this idea as well, I've though about leaving my place, take my savings and disappear. I did disappear already in some way, it's simply the smoothest way, at least thats how it feels to me.
 
D

Depressed Cat

Experienced
Jan 4, 2022
240
You're correct. In the grand scheme of things, nothing matters. We are all cosmic dust that has been given a consciousness for a tiny amount of time and we will return to the natural state of being cosmic dust once our time is up.

However, you mentioned that you have a wife and kids. Their feelings do matter because you're their husband and father, and they're your family. If you decide to CTB, it would be nice of you to take their emotions into consideration and make it as easy as possible for them.

Losing a father/husband can be a brutal thing and you need to soften the blow as much as you can. Whatever you choose, I wish you the best and hope you find peace.
 
paulstrong

paulstrong

Enlightened
May 5, 2020
1,041
Doesn't having a family make you want to fight and live for them? I am sure you have valid reasons but you are so lucky to have them. I have no dependents anymore. So, when I go nobody will really give a fuck. At least leave a note to tell them that you love them and there is nothing they could have done to save you. I don't know. It's your call. Good luck and take time to think things through. There is no rush. Death comes to us all, eventually.
 
Hidden Base

Hidden Base

Enlightened
Apr 5, 2020
1,142
I share that fantasy for sure. It would be so nice just to, idk disintegrate like the characters did at the end of infinity war. Effortlessly, without all this fuss about organising and execution.
 
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marinekiwi

marinekiwi

Student
Oct 28, 2021
145
That'd be the ultimate way to ctb: just disappearing, no trace behind. Wish I could do that...
 
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