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C

Compodulator

Enlightened
Nov 8, 2018
1,343
The title says it all.
I don't even know why. I don't lie over major stuff, not usually. Psych eval is an exception. Last time I went there the bitch just wanted to have me eat a fistful of pills on a daily basis because clearly, what I need is even more meds. If I don't take the meds, I don't pass. If I don't pass, I don't get to the next stage in the whole neurosurgery quest.
I'm already taking antidepressants, even if not intentionally. Supposedly, my anticonvulsants are also given as antidepressants to some people. I'd really like to see who thought "hey, what if we give potentially seizure-inducing 'medicine' to the clinically depressed and see how that works out!"
Sure, they won't be as depressed as before, now they also have the potential for seizures to deal with. They'll be depressed and terrified.

I don't understand, though, I never lie about major shit, just minor, insignificant things.
Here's an example: yesterday I went to this "guitar picnic" thing. It was a gathering for people who are learning to play guitar and take a fairly expensive course for it. People who never heard of this course are also welcome. I met a guy who I swear is a reincarnation of Elvis Presley. He has the voice, looks like a 55-year-old Elvis and, of course, a guitar pro. I asked to borrow his guitar because my own is a piece of shit that cost me like 15$. You can't seriously expect a 15$ piece of shit to sounds like a 1000$ Ibanez. "Elvis" then produced a harmonica, presumably out of his ass, and we jammed together for a bit. Me, on his 2000$ guitar, him, on a presumably equally expensive harmonica. Felt good. Haven't had any chord problems, didn't go too fast or too slow, never felt so pro in my life. That's a pretty big event. For me, at least. Didn't lie about meeting and jamming with "Elvis."
No, instead I lied about some shit involving bread. Woke up today and realized I hate myself immensely over it.

At some point, I'll probably lie to someone here too. It'll be small, it'll be insignificant and meaningless, and I'll hate myself over it. I don't know how to stop. I don't know what makes me do it. It doesn't even feel good, just imagine the google translate lady saying "lol" in your head.

I'm a fucking liar. Small liar, if it helps, but still a liar. All that shit piles up, just one of presumably thousands of reasons to hate myself.
 
Deleted member 2141

Deleted member 2141

The angel of choice is enduring.
Aug 30, 2018
5,309
When I used to see a therapist or counselor, I oftenly downplay shit and never mention anything sensitive like self harm, suicide, or death for fear of getting locked up against my will. I suppose for me it was a fear of consequences, a fear of getting something I don't like or want, and making my life worse than it already is.

So in short, I think it may be part of your subconscious that is telling you that you shouldn't tell the real "truth" because it can harm you in some way. Other than that, I'm not sure.
 
Norest4thewicked

Norest4thewicked

Losing it
Nov 4, 2018
271
Like others I sometimes downplay or completely leave out some events. I think to me it's an avoidance tactic. Sometimes unconsciously, I get judged too much by others anyway. I don't need it from a professional too. And it concerns me due to the consequences. More meds. More therapy. More pain.
 
Lra888

Lra888

Enlightened
Sep 30, 2018
1,142
With therapists I often clean up events while talking to them or gloss over things which I’m not comfortable talking about/ don’t have the energy to get into. It’s dangerous to talk about certain things with them especially in regards to suicidal thoughts.
 
Maravillosa

Maravillosa

Mistress of all she surveys
Sep 7, 2018
638
Although I have been fairly open with my online counselor about my wish to ctb someday, I do not tell her that I am active here or go on gore sites to watch hanging videos and see photos of people who have hanged themselves. I do not tell anybody about SS or gore sites IRL.