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SadGirl

SadGirl

Experienced
Joined
Mar 24, 2019
Messages
277
It will be a year since my fiancée and I broke up. after about 4.5 months, I got over the break, but then we started talking again, and it seems that everything came back to the surface. She's enjoying another one, I text her and she doesn't reply, or replies coldly. Now I have a huge emptiness in my heart, an immense pain, and again I will have to overcome it. Though I wish we could work out. I'm dreaming about her every day, and waking up extremely bad from anxiety. Just an outburst, it's been a while since I came here.
 
dandan

dandan

One more attempt on life.
Joined
Feb 18, 2019
Messages
1,143
Man I'm in te same situation, and i even go out and meet other cool good looking girls, or even woman let's say, but it's not the same.

Having sex with a new partner isn't helping much, not destroying me either, but Damm... We fukced up, they left,

Hope you fix your thing ...
dandan said:
Man I'm in te same situation, and i even go out and meet other cool good looking girls, or even woman let's say, but it's not the same.

Having sex with a new partner isn't helping much, not destroying me either, but Damm... We fukced up, they left,

Hope you fix your thing ...
I really don't have any advice or other thing to say, except it does sucks but life must go on even with the pain and such
 
dandan

dandan

One more attempt on life.
Joined
Feb 18, 2019
Messages
1,143
dandan said:
Man I'm in te same situation, and i even go out and meet other cool good looking girls, or even woman let's say, but it's not the same.

Having sex with a new partner isn't helping much, not destroying me either, but Damm... We fukced up, they left,

Hope you fix your thing ...

I really don't have any advice or other thing to say, except it does sucks but life must go on even with the pain and such
Well it doesn't has to go on, there's catching the bus, and that's why we are here, but if not catching the bus , then deal with it?
 
Q

Quiet Desperation

Lonely wanderer
Joined
Dec 7, 2020
Messages
76
I understand how you feel very well, I'm in a similar situation. I'm sorry you're hurting.
 
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Flippy

Flippy

Send me off to bed for evermore
Joined
Jan 5, 2020
Messages
757
There's only one way I know that will likely help, at least in my experience. Its easier said then done but one of those things that gets easier with practice. And its this: become absolutely, selfishly in love with the things you enjoy, the things that bring you fulfilment. Make them your top priority.

After a while, if anyone or anything gets in between you and what you love doing, they will feel like an unwelcome intrusion. This will keep your mind busy and the thoughts of your ex will fade. The ironic thing is, when you seem so aloof and independent, doing your thing as you please, people start to want your attention more.

When you figure out how to be ok with being on your own it becomes a "sellers market". Seriously, I never got so much attention from the people, when I honestly stopped caring about impressing them or "needing" them and focused on myself and my priorities. The thing is, I was too busy to care.

I'm not suggesting you become a misanthrope, just that there is plenty of upside to being single, at least for a while, with the right mindset. The difficulty unfortunately is getting into that mindset when you miss someone badly. So the best way is to maybe say to yourself that you are going to "learn that thing you always wanted to do". Set aside a time and commit to doing that for a short time at first and gradually increase it.

It took me way too long to figure that out, and maybe this is all super obvious stuff to some people. But it certainly worked for me. So I guess that's my advice, I hope it might be useful :-)
 
SadGirl

SadGirl

Experienced
Joined
Mar 24, 2019
Messages
277
Flippy said:
There's only one way I know that will likely help, at least in my experience. Its easier said then done but one of those things that gets easier with practice. And its this: become absolutely, selfishly in love with the things you enjoy, the things that bring you fulfilment. Make them your top priority.

After a while, if anyone or anything gets in between you and what you love doing, they will feel like an unwelcome intrusion. This will keep your mind busy and the thoughts of your ex will fade. The ironic thing is, when you seem so aloof and independent, doing your thing as you please, people start to want your attention more.

When you figure out how to be ok with being on your own it becomes a "sellers market". Seriously, I never got so much attention from the people, when I honestly stopped caring about impressing them or "needing" them and focused on myself and my priorities. The thing is, I was too busy to care.

I'm not suggesting you become a misanthrope, just that there is plenty of upside to being single, at least for a while, with the right mindset. The difficulty unfortunately is getting into that mindset when you miss someone badly. So the best way is to maybe say to yourself that you are going to "learn that thing you always wanted to do". Set aside a time and commit to doing that for a short time at first and gradually increase it.

It took me way too long to figure that out, and maybe this is all super obvious stuff to some people. But it certainly worked for me. So I guess that's my advice, I hope it might be useful :-)
Man, that helped me a lot and it still helps me, I think the same way, kind of creating an emotional barrier and just thinking about yourself! I mean, having more self-love and etc...thanks really.
 
Flippy

Flippy

Send me off to bed for evermore
Joined
Jan 5, 2020
Messages
757
SadGirl said:
Man, that helped me a lot and it still helps me, I think the same way, kind of creating an emotional barrier and just thinking about yourself! I mean, having more self-love and etc...thanks really.
If it is something that helps you should definitely turn up the dial on it if you can! :-) It doest have to be a total emotional barrier and you don't totally have to think about yourself exclusively.

In my case (I was much more "well" than I am today) I was building up my skills and hobbies, reading, collecting records, working on my car and having cuddles with my cat. I thought, "I don't have the room for a relationship right now. It would get in the way of all the fun stuff I'm doing."

I guess, once you know, if you do get into a new relationship again, the worst case scenario is that, if it ends, you can just go back to doing the things you love again, only more so. :-)
 
D

DthrowawayA

Member
Joined
Sep 17, 2021
Messages
6
What always helped me was to meet new people....but everyone is different so it might not help you
 
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socrates

socrates

I know nothing except the fact of my ignorance.
Joined
Dec 3, 2019
Messages
171
Sounds painful. I think Flippies idea to dive into the things you enjoy is a good one. Might also help to go no contact with them at least for a while. No sense to continuely agitate the wound . Easier said then done like all things, but I think it will help. Good luck.
 
deflationary

deflationary

Fussy exister. Living in the epilogue
Joined
Mar 11, 2020
Messages
307
You probably need to go no contact with her. It's basically impossible to move on like that. I'm sorry for your situation :(

I still love my ex as well... and she's dead. Which means I'm as good as dead as well. Wish I didn't have to go on living while being dead.
 
again_noidea

again_noidea

Student
Joined
Apr 22, 2021
Messages
149
Flippy said:
If it is something that helps you should definitely turn up the dial on it if you can! :-) It doest have to be a total emotional barrier and you don't totally have to think about yourself exclusively.

In my case (I was much more "well" than I am today) I was building up my skills and hobbies, reading, collecting records, working on my car and having cuddles with my cat. I thought, "I don't have the room for a relationship right now. It would get in the way of all the fun stuff I'm doing."

I guess, once you know, if you do get into a new relationship again, the worst case scenario is that, if it ends, you can just go back to doing the things you love again, only more so. :-)
I need a cat, i really do...
 
M

markikomori

Member
Joined
Sep 22, 2021
Messages
31
I think I know how it feels to not get over someone. I never had a real relationship in the last 15 years but I've got 2 platonic ones. The last one happened last year and ended 6 months ago months ago. I miss her so much it's unbelievable, even after 6+ months of full no-contact + deletion of every message, media, and everything related to her. Now I wish I kept at least one photo, I barely remember her face now.
What really sucks is that we planned to meet when the corona thing was over, so that would have been this summer, but it ended before that. Maybe I wouldn't have been here if we met and liked each other. I truly felt happy having someone to live for, to better myself for; improving myself for the day we would meet was my reason for living, I did not even feel depressed anymore and had tons of energy. Of course it was all an illusion, I idolized her as my ticket out of this shit life.
I advise everyone not to embark in idolized platonic relationships, it's a huge mistake.
 
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dandan

dandan

One more attempt on life.
Joined
Feb 18, 2019
Messages
1,143
I'm into running, and I've met a woman couple years older who treats my alright, even better, will see, but I've got a weeding party today with an old date... Ok, I'll have fun.
And to be true I'm in love with running, I've just upped from 5k to 8k
And I'm doing great time , speed, while fishing on my heart beat frequency, I'm loving it , I'm a runner.
 
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gigithecat

gigithecat

Member
Joined
Sep 1, 2021
Messages
8
SadGirl said:
It will be a year since my fiancée and I broke up. after about 4.5 months, I got over the break, but then we started talking again, and it seems that everything came back to the surface. She's enjoying another one, I text her and she doesn't reply, or replies coldly. Now I have a huge emptiness in my heart, an immense pain, and again I will have to overcome it. Though I wish we could work out. I'm dreaming about her every day, and waking up extremely bad from anxiety. Just an outburst, it's been a while since I came here.
I was in this situation before
Just a piece of advice
Delete his/her contact and completely remove him/her from your life and you'll eventually feel better
Also don't text or reply to their texts
Been there done that
 
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