F

Final Escape

I’ve been here too long
Jul 8, 2018
4,353
Holy smokes! I wondered what happened. I remember that post when u were leaving because u were using N and your profile pic. That’s nuts. I’m glad u are ok :) but wow! I’ll have to read through the thread more I haven’t had chance. Thanks for sharing what happened.
 
Last edited:
D

Deleted member 1768

Enlightened
Aug 15, 2018
1,107
it definitely was N and the doctors knew that, it might not have been the most potent but, There's been lots of instances of N not working on people because the dosages are so differentiating per person
Not that I have ever seen or heard of. The strength however makes a huge difference.
im not sure whether or not i breathed within that time or not as i was passed out from the N but when i was in hospital i wasnt breathing by myself at all for 5 days so im not sure must of got some oxygen in that time otherwise i think id definitely have brain damage of some sort
You die without oxygen rather quickly, but it is not all that unusual for patients to be on ventilators for months, not just days.
 
Last edited:
GoodPersonEffed

GoodPersonEffed

Brevity is my middle name, but my name was TL
Jan 11, 2020
6,737
Long analytical post...


When I doubt a claim, I say so and say why I doubt it.

But I will also say when I lean toward believing a claim, and why.

Please note I never 100% believe anything I read on the forum or on the Internet, even from the most highly respected sources. On the forum, we are all anonymous, so I do not fully trust. This is one reason I don't engage in PMs. Even news organizations and high-level publishers of other information can misreport in error or intentionally. I've also posted before about why I distrust PN as a person based on certain actions. In short, I'm highly critical and I'm not prone to lowering my guard and believing.

In either case, whether I doubt or I believe, I know that I could be wrong. I make the best assessment I can from the evidence.

I'm inclined to believe @rikamonie's account, probably 51% believe and 49% doubt. Normally my doubt is way, way higher for any account of any attempt, failed or successful. I even leave room for doubt with Shawn Shatto and Callie Lewis because for all I know, there could be an agenda and it could be theater. I didn't know those people irl. I don't have access to death certificates. I don't know their families. I may seem to some to be paranoid, but historically, governments have used news organizations to spread false information for hidden agendas, even in the US, where information has been declassified decades later that proves this. So yeah, I don't fully believe anything unless I was there and witnessed it myself, and even then, I use critical thinking skills and watch out for red flags.

So here's my analysis, if anyone cares to read:

I was instantly suspicious when this thread came up in the feed. There have been recent posts about SN failing, though in every case it was either because they weren't making an actual attempt, they were testing or they were self-harming. Very near to when this thread was posted, either the same day or the day after, there was a new member who claimed having failed a gunshot suicide to the head, turns out the gun misfired, not that they shot themselves and survived. The same member also said they failed full suspenion hanging at a young age, turns out it was because of the branch breaking. So I've been on high alert for potential anti-suicide infiltration, especially since this was during a period of claims of near-certain methods failing, and other very strange posts. For this reason, I maintain doubt about this account.

I was and remain skeptical about the hospital photo. There was nothing to prove when it was taken or who was actually in the photo. I did a google image search but did not find the photo elsewhere. But, realistically, it could have been taken by the OP at any time, or it could be someone else's photo. So I don't count it as evidence, but rather persuasion of truthfulness. I try to avoid persuasion, so I just exclude it.

I researched N survival stories. I highly recommend others do the same. From what I can reasonably tell, it seems that one can survive many hours after ingestion of a lethal dose. I looked at medical publications and other online anecdotal accounts, and I'm strongly leaning toward accepting that this can indeed happen. If I were to attempt this, I would want to make sure I wasn't interrupted for a minimum 48-72 hours. I did not know before that it would be wise to have such a time cushion, because I hadn't researched. We are provided evidence from assisted euthanasia organizations that it's super quick, but I realize now that's marketing. They also have people to administer additional meds to ensure a quick death. When one is doing it unassisted, extra precautions need to be taken, and following a meto regimen is important for this method (not that the OP mentioned vomiting, just stating its importance based on my research).

Finally, I paid attention to how the OP described the experience, how she responded to doubts, how she answered questions, etc. My bullshit detector did not go off a single time. I didn't sense any manipulation or evasion at all, and I'm highly attuned to it. That doesn't mean, though, that she couldn't be highly adept should this be an intentional fearmongering false account. Just because I'm put at ease doesn't mean I should lower my guard.

Therefore, based on all of the above, I don't think this is necessarily an indication that C's N was weaker than 60%, and I don't see blatant or even weak evidence to indicate that the OP was lying. But I know there is much I have no way of knowing, and there are too many limitations for me to be able to know. I have no way of knowing if the OP is who they say they are or if they actually had this experience, and I always keep that in mind. This is a highly political and controversial forum and therefore, realistically, I know that there has to be some very savvy infiltration and manipulation. If you doubt this, I recommend you see the Manipulation Tactics thread in Off Topic, another member posted a comment in that thread about how forums are infiltrated, with the source of that information.

I hope this comment helps others in making critical analyses of posts about attempts, so that they can protect themselves and make the most informed decisions possible.

I didn't intentionally wait until @rikamonie left (yesterday she posted a goodbye thread in Recovery), I've been processing this and reading comments, and I've only just now come to this assessment. If she returns, I hope she'll respond. As I said in another comment, I have no ill will toward her.

If I were to write an account of a failed attempt, I would hope that people would be skeptical, ask questions, and rely on their critical thinking skills. In fact, I've posted about my own attempts twice, once for the controversial ReBreather, and did my best to be completely above-board. After that, it's up to the reader to make their own assessments and decisions as to whether to make purchases or attempts. This is serious stuff.



NB: I recognize this post was very long and may seem to overdo it. In my grad-level academic training, we were taught to make assessments of texts based on logic, persuasion such as emotional appeals, and ethos, that is, the author's trustworthiness. In writing, we had to demonstrate the logic of how we came to our assessments and conclusions, consider where we may be in error to combat confirmation bias or unfounded certaintly, and demonstrate our ethos -- our trustworthiness as a researcher, academic, or person of influence. I felt it was important here to not just give my opinions, but why I have them, and why I feel fit to make any assessments or judgments. I also thought, since there are so many accounts I've publicly called out for inconsistencies, that it was important to give an assessment that leans toward accepting an account as potentially true.
 
D

Deleted member 1768

Enlightened
Aug 15, 2018
1,107
Long analytical post...


When I doubt a claim, I say so and say why I doubt it.

But I will also say when I lean toward believing a claim, and why.

Please note I never 100% believe anything I read on the forum or on the Internet, even from the most highly respected sources. On the forum, we are all anonymous, so I do not fully trust. This is one reason I don't engage in PMs. Even news organizations and high-level publishers of other information can misreport in error or intentionally. I've also posted before about why I distrust PN as a person based on certain actions. In short, I'm highly critical and I'm not prone to lowering my guard and believing.

In either case, whether I doubt or I believe, I know that I could be wrong. I make the best assessment I can from the evidence.

I'm inclined to believe @rikamonie's account, probably 51% believe and 49% doubt. Normally my doubt is way, way higher for any account of any attempt, failed or successful. I even leave room for doubt with Shawn Shatto and Callie Lewis because for all I know, there could be an agenda and it could be theater. I didn't know those people irl. I don't have access to death certificates. I don't know their families. I may seem to some to be paranoid, but historically, governments have used news organizations to spread false information for hidden agendas, even in the US, where information has been declassified decades later that proves this. So yeah, I don't fully believe anything unless I was there and witnessed it myself, and even then, I use critical thinking skills and watch out for red flags.

So here's my analysis, if anyone cares to read:

I was instantly suspicious when this thread came up in the feed. There have been recent posts about SN failing, though in every case it was either because they weren't making an actual attempt, they were testing or they were self-harming. Very near to when this thread was posted, either the same day or the day after, there was a new member who claimed having failed a gunshot suicide to the head, turns out the gun misfired, not that they shot themselves and survived. The same member also said they failed full suspenion hanging at a young age, turns out it was because of the branch breaking. So I've been on high alert for potential anti-suicide infiltration, especially since this was during a period of claims of near-certain methods failing, and other very strange posts. For this reason, I maintain doubt about this account.

I was and remain skeptical about the hospital photo. There was nothing to prove when it was taken or who was actually in the photo. I did a google image search but did not find the photo elsewhere. But, realistically, it could have been taken by the OP at any time, or it could be someone else's photo. So I don't count it as evidence, but rather persuasion of truthfulness. I try to avoid persuasion, so I just exclude it.

I researched N survival stories. I highly recommend others do the same. From what I can reasonably tell, it seems that one can survive many hours after ingestion of a lethal dose. I looked at medical publications and other online anecdotal accounts, and I'm strongly leaning toward accepting that this can indeed happen. If I were to attempt this, I would want to make sure I wasn't interrupted for a minimum 48-72 hours. I did not know before that it would be wise to have such a time cushion, because I hadn't researched. We are provided evidence from assisted euthanasia organizations that it's super quick, but I realize now that's marketing. They also have people to administer additional meds to ensure a quick death. When one is doing it unassisted, extra precautions need to be taken, and following a meto regimen is important for this method (not that the OP mentioned vomiting, just stating its importance based on my research).

Finally, I paid attention to how the OP described the experience, how she responded to doubts, how she answered questions, etc. My bullshit detector did not go off a single time. I didn't sense any manipulation or evasion at all, and I'm highly attuned to it. That doesn't mean, though, that she couldn't be highly adept should this be an intentional fearmongering false account. Just because I'm put at ease doesn't mean I should lower my guard.

Therefore, based on all of the above, I don't think this is necessarily an indication that C's N was weaker than 60%, and I don't see blatant or even weak evidence to indicate that the OP was lying. But I know there is much I have no way of knowing, and there are too many limitations for me to be able to know. I have no way of knowing if the OP is who they say they are or if they actually had this experience, and I always keep that in mind. This is a highly political and controversial forum and therefore, realistically, I know that there has to be some very savvy infiltration and manipulation. If you doubt this, I recommend you see the Manipulation Tactics thread in Off Topic, another member posted a comment in that thread about how forums are infiltrated, with the source of that information.

I hope this comment helps others in making critical analyses of posts about attempts, so that they can protect themselves and make the most informed decisions possible.

I didn't intentionally wait until @rikamonie left (yesterday she posted a goodbye thread in Recovery), I've been processing this and reading comments, and I've only just now come to this assessment. If she returns, I hope she'll respond. As I said in another comment, I have no ill will toward her.

If I were to write an account of a failed attempt, I would hope that people would be skeptical, ask questions, and rely on their critical thinking skills. In fact, I've posted about my own attempts twice, once for the controversial ReBreather, and did my best to be completely above-board. After that, it's up to the reader to make their own assessments and decisions as to whether to make purchases or attempts. This is serious stuff.



NB: I recognize this post was very long and may seem to overdo it. In my grad-level academic training, we were taught to make assessments of texts based on logic, persuasion such as emotional appeals, and ethos, that is, the author's trustworthiness. In writing, we had to demonstrate the logic of how we came to our assessments and conclusions, consider where we may be in error to combat confirmation bias or unfounded certaintly, and demonstrate our ethos -- our trustworthiness as a researcher, academic, or person of influence. I felt it was important here to not just give my opinions, but why I have them, and why I feel fit to make any assessments or judgments. I also thought, since there are so many accounts I've publicly called out for inconsistencies, that it was important to give an assessment that leans toward accepting an account as potentially true.
I agree with your assessment, and there are accounts of those who have slept over 24 hours before death, but really the most likely explanation is the quality of the N being low. Not saying it is, but very possible. Seems wise to test before use...yep. Nicely put by-the-way. I enjoyed reading that, and have no intentions of getting N, which means reading it only made sense because I thought it was well written. Thank you.
 
krsu

krsu

999
Jun 10, 2020
210
she doesn't need to defend herself, she stated her experience just leave it at that, there's nothing to be skeptical about. I'm a close friend of hers, she wouldn't lie to me, everything she said is the truth.

If you had seen the state of her body&health while she was in the hospital you would know that she should have been dead, shes very fortunate to be alive. If no one would have intervened she would not be here today. That's final, Just be grateful shes even here to state her experience.
 
F

Fedrea

Specialist
May 14, 2020
326
Long analytical post...


When I doubt a claim, I say so and say why I doubt it.

But I will also say when I lean toward believing a claim, and why.

Please note I never 100% believe anything I read on the forum or on the Internet, even from the most highly respected sources. On the forum, we are all anonymous, so I do not fully trust. This is one reason I don't engage in PMs. Even news organizations and high-level publishers of other information can misreport in error or intentionally. I've also posted before about why I distrust PN as a person based on certain actions. In short, I'm highly critical and I'm not prone to lowering my guard and believing.

In either case, whether I doubt or I believe, I know that I could be wrong. I make the best assessment I can from the evidence.

I'm inclined to believe @rikamonie's account, probably 51% believe and 49% doubt. Normally my doubt is way, way higher for any account of any attempt, failed or successful. I even leave room for doubt with Shawn Shatto and Callie Lewis because for all I know, there could be an agenda and it could be theater. I didn't know those people irl. I don't have access to death certificates. I don't know their families. I may seem to some to be paranoid, but historically, governments have used news organizations to spread false information for hidden agendas, even in the US, where information has been declassified decades later that proves this. So yeah, I don't fully believe anything unless I was there and witnessed it myself, and even then, I use critical thinking skills and watch out for red flags.

So here's my analysis, if anyone cares to read:

I was instantly suspicious when this thread came up in the feed. There have been recent posts about SN failing, though in every case it was either because they weren't making an actual attempt, they were testing or they were self-harming. Very near to when this thread was posted, either the same day or the day after, there was a new member who claimed having failed a gunshot suicide to the head, turns out the gun misfired, not that they shot themselves and survived. The same member also said they failed full suspenion hanging at a young age, turns out it was because of the branch breaking. So I've been on high alert for potential anti-suicide infiltration, especially since this was during a period of claims of near-certain methods failing, and other very strange posts. For this reason, I maintain doubt about this account.

I was and remain skeptical about the hospital photo. There was nothing to prove when it was taken or who was actually in the photo. I did a google image search but did not find the photo elsewhere. But, realistically, it could have been taken by the OP at any time, or it could be someone else's photo. So I don't count it as evidence, but rather persuasion of truthfulness. I try to avoid persuasion, so I just exclude it.

I researched N survival stories. I highly recommend others do the same. From what I can reasonably tell, it seems that one can survive many hours after ingestion of a lethal dose. I looked at medical publications and other online anecdotal accounts, and I'm strongly leaning toward accepting that this can indeed happen. If I were to attempt this, I would want to make sure I wasn't interrupted for a minimum 48-72 hours. I did not know before that it would be wise to have such a time cushion, because I hadn't researched. We are provided evidence from assisted euthanasia organizations that it's super quick, but I realize now that's marketing. They also have people to administer additional meds to ensure a quick death. When one is doing it unassisted, extra precautions need to be taken, and following a meto regimen is important for this method (not that the OP mentioned vomiting, just stating its importance based on my research).

Finally, I paid attention to how the OP described the experience, how she responded to doubts, how she answered questions, etc. My bullshit detector did not go off a single time. I didn't sense any manipulation or evasion at all, and I'm highly attuned to it. That doesn't mean, though, that she couldn't be highly adept should this be an intentional fearmongering false account. Just because I'm put at ease doesn't mean I should lower my guard.

Therefore, based on all of the above, I don't think this is necessarily an indication that C's N was weaker than 60%, and I don't see blatant or even weak evidence to indicate that the OP was lying. But I know there is much I have no way of knowing, and there are too many limitations for me to be able to know. I have no way of knowing if the OP is who they say they are or if they actually had this experience, and I always keep that in mind. This is a highly political and controversial forum and therefore, realistically, I know that there has to be some very savvy infiltration and manipulation. If you doubt this, I recommend you see the Manipulation Tactics thread in Off Topic, another member posted a comment in that thread about how forums are infiltrated, with the source of that information.

I hope this comment helps others in making critical analyses of posts about attempts, so that they can protect themselves and make the most informed decisions possible.

I didn't intentionally wait until @rikamonie left (yesterday she posted a goodbye thread in Recovery), I've been processing this and reading comments, and I've only just now come to this assessment. If she returns, I hope she'll respond. As I said in another comment, I have no ill will toward her.

If I were to write an account of a failed attempt, I would hope that people would be skeptical, ask questions, and rely on their critical thinking skills. In fact, I've posted about my own attempts twice, once for the controversial ReBreather, and did my best to be completely above-board. After that, it's up to the reader to make their own assessments and decisions as to whether to make purchases or attempts. This is serious stuff.



NB: I recognize this post was very long and may seem to overdo it. In my grad-level academic training, we were taught to make assessments of texts based on logic, persuasion such as emotional appeals, and ethos, that is, the author's trustworthiness. In writing, we had to demonstrate the logic of how we came to our assessments and conclusions, consider where we may be in error to combat confirmation bias or unfounded certaintly, and demonstrate our ethos -- our trustworthiness as a researcher, academic, or person of influence. I felt it was important here to not just give my opinions, but why I have them, and why I feel fit to make any assessments or judgments. I also thought, since there are so many accounts I've publicly called out for inconsistencies, that it was important to give an assessment that leans toward accepting an account as potentially true.

Thank you. Of course everyone has to take every anonymous account we see online with a pinch of salt as no one can guarantee it’s true. However when one is investigating suicide methods, I think there is a certain amount of having to build a picture based on such testimony. I try to corroborate things in the scientific literature but it’s not always possible. I’ve seen enough to consider buying N from C. I have also now seen enough to know I would never use it without getting it tested myself once purchased
 
BipolarGuy

BipolarGuy

-
Aug 6, 2020
1,456
Thank you. Of course everyone has to take every anonymous account we see online with a pinch of salt as no one can guarantee it’s true. However when one is investigating suicide methods, I think there is a certain amount of having to build a picture based on such testimony. I try to corroborate things in the scientific literature but it’s not always possible. I’ve seen enough to consider buying N from C. I have also now seen enough to know I would never use it without getting it tested myself once purchased
Trouble is that's it's a massive risk to spend $770 on a product that may only be 50-67% pure, which you have so little confidence in that you need to get it tested.
What's C's returns and refund policy...?
 
Last edited:
F

Fedrea

Specialist
May 14, 2020
326
Trouble is that's it's a massive rush to spend $770 on a product that may only be 59-67% pure, which you have so little confidence in that you need to get it tested.
What's C's returns and refund policy...?
Returns and refunds policy LOL. Maybe we can get watchdog onto him. Joking naturally. C is currently the only seller of the powder product and of course that means the market is his
 
  • Like
Reactions: BipolarGuy
BipolarGuy

BipolarGuy

-
Aug 6, 2020
1,456
Returns and refunds policy LOL. Maybe we can get watchdog onto him. Joking naturally. C is currently the only seller of the powder product and of course that means the market is his
Yes returns and refunds policy. Get trading standards onto him otherwise ;)
C is absolutely NOT the only seller of powdered pentobarbital. He is simply the only current one that has been alluded to in the pph. There are others, though admittedly not too easy to find.
 
F

Fedrea

Specialist
May 14, 2020
326
Yes returns and refunds policy. Get trading standards onto him otherwise ;)
C is absolutely NOT the only seller of powdered pentobarbital. He is simply the only current one that has been alluded to in the pph. There are others, though admittedly not too easy to find.
Do share, if you can find anybody with any kind of validation
 
BipolarGuy

BipolarGuy

-
Aug 6, 2020
1,456
Do share, if you can find anybody with any kind of validation
I have found somebody. The reason I haven't shared yet, other than the fact I haven't validated them myself, is because I wouldn't know the best, subtle way to share.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Fedrea
lotus11

lotus11

Experienced
May 18, 2019
243
two questions
1. do you have an eating disorder? your weight is very low, I always thought that the stuff would work better if you had an ed or were underweight ( i do personally that is why im wondering)
2. With all your hallucinations are you sure they didn't give you other drugs/ gasses whatever in the hospital? because if so they could be causing the hallucinations not the N
 
  • Like
Reactions: Ἡγησίας
Viro_Major

Viro_Major

Rad maker
Jul 30, 2020
1,304
Absolutely not surprised, especially on a young resistant person.
I had posted various official stats about N time to death at various places of the forums.
In rare occurences, it can take more than 24 hours, up to close to 48 hours. Even if the probability is less than 1%, t’s worthy enough to take into account.
12 hours undisturbed, should be a bare minimum to secure, if not more.
Surely, the mean time to death is 25 minutes but there are out of the norm exceptions.
Unsupervised, it’s still not fool-proof if some considerations are missed
(Glad that OP survived through it with a fresh new perspective on life. Congrats on the shift!)
 
Last edited:
F

Fedrea

Specialist
May 14, 2020
326
Absolutely not surprised, especially on a young resistant person.
I had posted various official stats about N time to death at various places of the forums.
In rare occurences, it can take more than 24 hours, up to close to 48 hours. Even if the probability is less than 1%, t’s worthy enough to take into account.
12 hours undisturbed, should be a bare minimum to secure, if not more.
Surely, the mean time to death is 25 minutes but there are out of the norm exceptions.
Unsupervised, it’s still not fool-proof if some considerations are missed
(Glad that OP survived through it with a fresh new perspective on life. Congrats on the shift!)
Thank you so much. Can you link to any of these accounts, on forums or in the scientific literature?
 
Viro_Major

Viro_Major

Rad maker
Jul 30, 2020
1,304
Thank you so much. Can you link to any of these accounts, on forums or in the scientific literature?

Out of my head, don’t know precisely where to look, but the documents originated from the various self-deliverance orgs.
Search through the post history of member “enjolras”. That was my previous username before this one
 
D

Deleted member 4993

Guest
I would agree with other posters on here that Youth and health was a major contribution to the OP surviving the 5 hours and being discovered in time to save her. Another few hours or perhaps more would have I believe caused certain death.
Being discovered to early is usually always the cause of failure with N
12 hrs or longer was always the recommended time period on older groups
We can only go on the information supplied by the OP but it seems very credible imo.
just my opinion :-)
 
Viro_Major

Viro_Major

Rad maker
Jul 30, 2020
1,304
Thank you so much. Can you link to any of these accounts, on forums or in the scientific literature?

Found one such document back here


I posted more precise ones, where the times were splitted at a higher frequency (6 hours / 12 hours), etc
But this assessment alone indicates it can take a long time with some bad luck.
 
whitefeather

whitefeather

Thank the gods for Death
Apr 23, 2020
300
This is a long story but in conclusion i failed my N ctb attempt here i will tell you what happened and how i am now and the symptoms of N od

i weighed around 42kg and my height 5’4


i think on the 14th of august i took 25g of N from C in 60ml of water i followed the stat dose information about that is on my post about taking N if you want more details

so i took the N although i spilt like a tea spoon amount dont think that should affect it though because of my weight anyway then i passed out there was no pain at all i didnt even realise i had passed out. my mum came home about 5 hours later so it was enough time for me she called the ambulance and they told her to pump my chest to get air in

a week later i woke up in hospital

my family has told me i didnt breathe for 5 days, i was on life support, i was dead basically for 3 days and they put me in an induced coma even though i was also in my own coma

they put me on this machine thing that took my blood out and around 4 wheels that apparently “cleaned” my blood and sent it back into my body

i had a feeding tube and oxygen aswell as a catheter, cannulas everywhere in my hands and arms

and when the doctors were ready to pronounce me dead my eye slightly dilated and they checked my brain scan and the doctor had to get 5 other doctors to come and check what he was seeing because he couldn’t believe his eyes, he expected the scan to be all straight lines which wouldve meant my brain was dead but all the lines were all jagged up and down which meant i have absolutely no brain damage at all

when i woke up i lost my memory of about 1-2 weeks so i thought i was still on holiday and i didnt even remember that i took N i thought an accident happened or something so when the psychiatrists were asking me about it i denied everything i even told my mum i didnt do that because i seriously couldnt remember it i also couldnt talk for a day or 2 and after that i could barely speak and i stuttered but now my voice is back to normal

my eyes were completely bloodshot red, no white of my eyes was showing it was just blood red all over

not only that but i had the worst hallucinations because of the od, i would see things floating around and id hallucinate people, sound and touch

so i hallucinated my dentist i legit thought my dentist was in the hospital and i waved at him, then when they pulled the curtain back i saw the beach, and i hallucinated people calling my name and also when i closed my eyes and opened them i was in another room like by myself it was really scary and i couldnt get back to where i was before it took ages so maybe it was a dream or hallucinating i dont know


i kept trying to pull things out because i was so out of it i didnt realise i had a needle in my neck and i kept trying to pull it off because i thought it was a sticker

anyway i got my catheter removed and was taken to a different ward, before i was in ITU the intensive care unit

here i had my own room and a 1 to 1 nurse then the hallucinations got worse i think because i was more aware so i hallucinated 3 people, at first it was just one guy, not to mention this ward is just full of old people plus its the womens side but because of how real the hallucinations are i didnt even accept that it wasnt real, so he was making fun of me and calling me a b*tch and all of that, i couldn’t see only hear him and that continued, and then there was this girl who threatened to stab me every night, it was so scary because i would tell the nurse and she would tell me it was a hallucination and ofcourse i was still hallucinating so i didnt feel safe, one night i even hallucinated that someone got shot like 1000 times and was still alive, we dont even have guns in england but i believed it.

anyway so that was the hallucinations i got them to let my grandad stay overnight so i felt safer but they still continued until i was put on an antipsychotic which made them go away immediately

my eyes are almost back to normal now too

i was put on a diet of like yogurt, ice cream, jelly and anything soft for like 5 days then i could eat anything

they gave me blood clot injection in the tummy and took bloods from me alot

i needed help getting up and walking and help getting to the bathroom and undressing

i think it took just over a week for me to be able to get up and go to toilet without help and to walk confidently by myself and i got back home after around 2 weeks, everyone said it is a miracle

so thats my story i probably missed alot out so if you have any questions feel free to ask, but also after a couple days ill be leaving here because im just getting back on track with my life i mean i failed N theres nothing else i can do and i never want to be in hospital ever again being stabbed by needles isnt fun at all

also this is in no way a post to make people stop taking N or to discourage anyone i only made this post because it is so rare to hear someones N experience because usually it works so i wanted to tell people what its like to fail, but its a total miracle and probably wouldnt happen to anyone else but me because im unlucky like that or lucky if you want to see it that way



something i forgot to add the police took my phone to investigate it i only got it back when i got home however i was allowed my ipad in hospital they also took all my piercings out and took the jewellery and my note. 12 piercings i had i only have 3 now the rest closed up
The N that you were sent was not good, pure , etc.
Not that I have ever seen or heard of. The strength however makes a huge difference.

You die without oxygen rather quickly, but it is not all that unusual for patients to be on ventilators for months, not just days.
15 grams N delivers peaceful death within 5 minutes to every human
 
Last edited:
C

checkouttime

Visionary
Jul 15, 2020
2,925
she doesn't need to defend herself, she stated her experience just leave it at that, there's nothing to be skeptical about. I'm a close friend of hers, she wouldn't lie to me, everything she said is the truth.

If you had seen the state of her body&health while she was in the hospital you would know that she should have been dead, shes very fortunate to be alive. If no one would have intervened she would not be here today. That's final, Just be grateful shes even here to state her experience.

Can i ask do you know this person 'away from' this forum? you state that you are a close friends, but you joined here in june thats all.

I can understand you are friends with people etc.but i think going on the defensive about some members questioning the reality of a thread is going to produce a negative effect. We are on an internet forum and do not know each other, so it is understandable some people may have doubts about certain things. especially when it come to things to do with CTB
 
Last edited:
Wayfaerer

Wayfaerer

JFMSUF
Aug 21, 2019
1,924
Ahahah! Police in the UK? Sympathy?
I am dependent on benzos, if I don't take my dose I have a seizure. It will not stop them from taking all of these meds, not even leaving me enough to get through the night. They do their job and leave. Stop the nuisance (me), take him to jail, fill out the paperwork and go home.
Then I'm freaking out in a cell, screaming for help as I think bugs are under my skin biting me, I get beaten with a club until I stop.
Then I'm smashing my head on the sink/toilet, get sectioned and have to spend days trying to convince them I'm not crazy, but withdrawing from benzos. Family members are no help. Dr's are of no help. Police confiscate everything as well as blacklisting my address so all mail (which I told them I got my benzos from, stupidly) now goes through increased scrutiny. I had to move house to get a not blacklisted address.

No, they do not. They believe you are crazy and of harm to yourself and/or others, that's all it takes for you to be stripped of all human rights.

Wow that's just pure evil! I take a substance similar to benzo's and I have this constant anxiety that despite not breaking any laws, the police are going to show up and take me to jail where I won't be able to dose. It's one of the reasons why I feel like I am walking on egg shells all the time.

Humans can be such garbage.
 
krsu

krsu

999
Jun 10, 2020
210
Can i ask do you know this person 'away from' this forum? you state that you are a close friends, but you joined here in june thats all.

I can understand you are friends with people etc.but i think going on the defensive about some members questioning the reality of a thread is going to produce a negative effect. We are on an internet forum and do not know each other, so it is understandable some people may have doubts about certain things. especially when it come to things to do with CTB
yes, i know them 'away' from this forum. Don't understand why you are actually questioning me about this... I will defend whoever the fuck i want so please don't tell me what to do. Why don't you worry about yourself.
 
G

GoneGoneGone

Enlightened
Apr 1, 2020
1,150
Wow that's just pure evil! I take a substance similar to benzo's and I have this constant anxiety that despite not breaking any laws, the police are going to show up and take me to jail where I won't be able to dose. It's one of the reasons why I feel like I am walking on egg shells all the time.

Humans can be such garbage.
What substance could be similar to benzos? They are quite unique.
 
The Abyss

The Abyss

Why're we still here, just to suffer?
Dec 19, 2019
147
You're still here due to being discovered, what are your thoughts on life now?
 
C

checkouttime

Visionary
Jul 15, 2020
2,925
yes, i know them 'away' from this forum. Don't understand why you are actually questioning me about this... I will defend whoever the fuck i want so please don't tell me what to do. Why don't you worry about yourself.

It was just a question. Its this 'thing' that people do on forum's....just to keep you upto date with how things work.

I never said do or don't do anything. I also didn't try to tell you what to do.

Thanks for the reply, goes a long way to proving my point :hihi:
 
  • Like
Reactions: SuicidalAgain
GoodPersonEffed

GoodPersonEffed

Brevity is my middle name, but my name was TL
Jan 11, 2020
6,737
We are on an internet forum and do not know each other, so it is understandable some people may have doubts about certain things. especially when it come to things to do with CTB

@rikamonie questioned things herself. There was an SN attempt thread that she called BS on over multiple posts. And she didn't have a problem with me or anyone else questioning on this thread. I think, based on her own questioning, that she would know people probably would question her, and that they could potentially get downright nasty about it. However, people have been very respectful on this thread.