lost.ghost

lost.ghost

dissolving mind
Jan 25, 2019
109
when i first got diagnosed with a mental illness i was 12, and back then everyone was telling me things would be so much better in a year. i heard the same thing each year. that things would get better after enough time, but i'm 21 now and things have only gotten worse. over time i've just realized i'm going to have mental illness for the rest of my life and this shit will be chronic. i wish i knew back then that i wouldn't have missed anything because i wish i had killed my self years ago
 
eternalmelancholy

eternalmelancholy

waiting for the bus
Mar 24, 2021
901
That's the problem with hindsight. I think most of us here wishes they killed themselves when they first started having suicidal thoughts. People who say life gets better are full of shit I am finding out. But it's not too late. There is no rush to this. Whether you die tomorrow or in 50 years eventually you will get there.
 
Darkover

Darkover

Student
Jul 29, 2021
187
we are soft whether we like it or not
in a deadly environment easily broken
shit jobs and shit pay
poor health and bad relationship
losing the will to live to fight
Each year got progressively worse than the previous year
most people in the world have no purpose beyond survival just fulfilling a cog in a machine
There are underated people,DJs,artist,singers,programmers,mathematicians,scientist,writer's
most people won't be successful, Most people won't evolve and progress
our brains offer a small window into the world
our brains are completely lacking the ability to understand everything
being human is highly inadequate compared to what there is to know about the universe
we are our own worst enemy and we are stuipd
powerless and helpless
enslaved without anyway free
we are doomed
fuck the world lets get high
 
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JRSEchelon

JRSEchelon

New Member
Nov 7, 2021
2
when i first got diagnosed with a mental illness i was 12, and back then everyone was telling me things would be so much better in a year. i heard the same thing each year. that things would get better after enough time, but i'm 21 now and things have only gotten worse. over time i've just realized i'm going to have mental illness for the rest of my life and this shit will be chronic. i wish i knew back then that i wouldn't have missed anything because i wish i had killed my self years ago
It's a constant battle. Life with mental health issues but it doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you, or any of us in fact. Many of us suffer because of how deep we feel things. It's difficult and unfortunately many people don't understand, they say, "it'll get better, it'll get easier." But the longer life carries forward these feelings get deeper and this sickness just festers. I want to commend you on your strength to battle through things but at the same time never feel bad if you decide to ctb and move on from this life. No one really knows what we've gone through, what we're going through and sometimes we reach the end of our rope - there is nothing wrong with that. I hope you can find some source of peace no matter what you decide.
 
obliviousatbest

obliviousatbest

atrophy
Nov 10, 2021
53
I hear you. All my attempts at pushing for a better life upon the advice of other people feel like bitter illusions, like im forever wandering misguided through an existence I've never wanted. Was also diagnosed at 12 and have only disintegrated more, now 23 regretting all these pointless extra years I was given. You're not alone in your suffering, wishing you peace throughout your days
 
VoidDesirer22

VoidDesirer22

A dream inside a locked room
Sep 6, 2021
44
Since I was 12 years old I think that, I need to stand another year things will get better, but now at 19 the only thing I've learned is that my future only depends on me, no one will save me, and things won't get any easier with time
The cool part about my future only depending on me means that I can end myself :)
 
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LonelyBrazilian

LonelyBrazilian

Just a boring guy.
Oct 21, 2021
151
I understand you. I've felt this since I was 14, and people have always told me that if I pushed myself, socialized and got out of my comfort zone I would get better. I listened to their advice and tried for years. Today, with 21yo, I just feel worse and more desperate with each passing day.
 
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Rustysoupcan

Rustysoupcan

I'm sensitive
May 2, 2020
205
It sounds like I wrote this. I'm 21 now and was also diagnosed at 12. I also wish i would've ctb sooner. I wish my attempts as a teenager were a success, because dying as a teen is more simple. No debt, no job, no apartment, nothing to burden others with.
 
FuneralCry

FuneralCry

I want to sleep for an eternity
Sep 24, 2020
6,055
It is painful to have hope and then it be taken away. That is why I am glad I have none. I also wish I ctb at an earlier age. I am nearly 21 and I know that things will get worse for me. Every day there is feelings of dread. I want nothing to do with this horrible life. I hope you find peace.
 
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stellabelle

stellabelle

ethereal
Dec 14, 2018
3,620
when i first got diagnosed with a mental illness i was 12, and back then everyone was telling me things would be so much better in a year. i heard the same thing each year. that things would get better after enough time, but i'm 21 now and things have only gotten worse. over time i've just realized i'm going to have mental illness for the rest of my life and this shit will be chronic. i wish i knew back then that i wouldn't have missed anything because i wish i had killed my self years ago
I struggle with this thought.

But was there something that “caused” it, or something that you were born with?

You know. I’ve been through a shitstorm. I think a lot of people have.

I think it’s just a frustrating existence and people are redundant. Hmm. “So much better now” can be illusionary.

People are also creeps! I laugh because they look for juicy gossip to cackle about, being invasive and dumb. Of all ages.

People believe lies! Or their own lies. It’s a difficult path to navigate through a ghoulish existence itself.
 
G

Glovkenspiel

Arcanist
Nov 12, 2021
426
Sometimes you just get to a point where you fucked up stuff so much there’s no fixing it… And every moment is torment… every moment reminder of how much you fucked up… And all the world can see it… They can just look at you and wonder what the fuck happened to this guy… So it’s humiliating -you want to do is just lay in bed all day and hide… even CTB is too much effort…
It’s Thanksgiving and my family are very nice people but Gathering later spaceit’s going to be a bit embarrassing… Of course they have no idea I’m thinking of CTB… So I’ll just have to pretend things are OK… But I’ll look at me and I’ll know something is clearly wrong…
 
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