Tiburcio

Tiburcio

Voluntary deletion.
May 9, 2018
1,573
I'm very sure of what I'm going to do and it's the best option I have and I really want to do it. If you are going to say me to live more time or waiting until somethings change, don't write, you are not welcome in my thread. Each time I hear it I feel myself being stabbed.

I know very well what I'm going to do. I must going to the bank for being able to buy what I need. It's very easy: I go, they give me what I requested and it's done. Fast and easy. I wanted to go several times, but for some reason I don't feel capable of doing it. I guess because I know what comes after it. When I had it I will buy the stuff I need inmediately.

I can't deal with irrational fear. Fear that I shouldn't feel. My reasons for wanting to kill myself are very solid and death is bot something that should scare me.

But I fear it. I have everything ready except the thing itself I have to buy. The rest of stuff us ready. I should be purchasing it, it's not even expensive. But here I am... And I'm afraid of how many time I will be.
 
M

Maggotymaggots

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Apr 18, 2018
54
I agree with skitliv. Our brains have been programmed to fear death over millions of years of evolution. Rational or not, that fear's not going to be easily overcome.

I don't really have any advice. I also worry about how I'll get past the survival instinct. I've always been such a weak-willed person. At the end of the day, though, I think it's something everyone has difficulty with, no matter how strong their reasons for committing suicide are.
 
Tiburcio

Tiburcio

Voluntary deletion.
May 9, 2018
1,573
death is the ultimate loss, the ultimate destruction. You lose everything you ever had and was. You don't want to do it. No one who has seen death's face can call it beautiful.
Dude, I respect how you think, but I don't agree with you.

Of course I'm losing everything, but what if I don't want what I have? When your life (mine) is objectively bad, you check the situation and there is no way of improving things and living truly good, why I would endure with all this? Specially in my situation being attacked every day. Time wouldn't change anything.

Die won't be beautiful and can be even gross but it's liberator and I prefer it over how things really are.
 
Aponia & Ataraxia

Aponia & Ataraxia

Experienced
Jun 24, 2018
235


Though there are several auxiliary silver bullets of psychological & Platonic bent, of course the most prominent and obvious of all is: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mortality_salience

The only true "survival instinct" is pain & maim aversion--otherwise known as "common sense" : "Hmm, this stone-age method sure looks unsatisfying... I wonder what alternatives the state-of-the-art science & technology of this arbitrary era of human civilization has to offer instead..."

If you fear psychological survival instinct, you can come to the realization that this is equivalent to fearing a hologram and/or shadows, --since it is a smoke-and-mirrors trick of perception. If you find yourself fearing a purely psychological or metaphysical survival instinct, you haven't thoroughly removed the sociocultural software that is ingrained in your psyche --ingrained out of pure happenstance due to the haphazard placement of your world line within whichever random society, culture, era, your life (through no choice of your own) is randomly ingrained in.

There is no "survival instinct," only laziness/hastiness of method orchestration and its unsurprisingly subsequent "buyer's remorse" (of which there are more than a few examples of on this site: drowning, hanging, suffocation instead of asphyxiation, blunt force trauma, etc.)

"A successful suicide demands good organization and a cool head, both of which are usually incompatible with the suicidal state of mind."

Allow these six concepts to sink good and well into that neo-cortex until self-evident reality dissolves the mirage of projections which they call "survival instinct" :
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Groupthink
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mortality_salience
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Specious_present
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Perspectival_realism
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/World_line
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Growing_block_universe : "For instance, Forrest (2004) argues that although there exists a past, it is lifeless and inactive."

Do you think Philip Nitschke knows anything of a subjective "survival instinct" within himself? Elon Musk? Thomas Metzinger?

*decomposition is in fact repulsive (one reason I've taken the liberty to spare others from stumbling across my final resting space by travelling deep into my favorite area of remote high-desert), but it is indeed perplexing to see how the subjective state of oblivion could be an intrinsically negative experience in any way.

*when one seamlessly passes from consciousness/time to unconsciousness/timelessness, they lose nothing other than the singular present they had been restricted to all along, since the very beginning of their homo sapiens experience. At the moment of death, conscious experience as we know it (the specious present) is but a curled-up/wound-up final reference frame.

Given that the sole purpose of evolution/life/negentropy is to occupy as much space & time as possible, at all costs ...is it that difficult to conceive of depressive states themselves as being: a last resort from primordial programming to sap the self-aware organism of the positive energy required to extinguish its subjective experience (depression-based psychomotor retardation), and thereby cause it to exist as living matter for as much temporal distance as possible??? ...just a thought. Remember that natural selection is a blind, unconscious mechanism. All the unthinkable complexity of homo sapiens civilization is nothing more than an overly-exaggerated termite mound, regardless of whether or not this fact registers in any given human mind (most Homo sapiens are unable to move past their dopey astonishment, and reject this due to a misunderstanding of entropy & complexity).

In reality: I won't be "catching" some bus, but more accurately I will in fact get off the train (at a subjective reference frame of choice). The train of which has been in ceaseless motion & decay along a path to its final destination (death), ever since the very beginning of my ephemeral & finite Homo sapiens experience. To a photon, birth & death occur at the same moment in time --consider that when contemplating the nature of the specious present, as it is subjectively experienced by Homo sapiens entities:

It is helpful to think oneself a smoke ring, because a sentient/conscious entity of Homo sapiens origin is thermodynamically equivalent to a smoke ring. In the case of this video, a milk tendril is used instead of a smoke ring :


(3:15 - 3:39):

In other words, Cosmicism is accurate for all intents and purposes: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cosmicism#Principles

Gnosticism is technically correct after a thorough removal of all associated religiosity/metaphysics:

Gnosticism (from Ancient Greek: γνωστικός gnostikos, "having knowledge", from γνῶσις gnōsis, knowledge) is a modern name for a variety of ancient religious ideas and systems, originating in Jewish-Christian milieus in the first and second century AD. These systems believed that the material world is created by an emanation of the highest God, trapping the divine spark within the human body. This divine spark could be liberated by gnosis. Some of the core teachings include the following:
  1. All matter is evil, and the non-material, spirit-realm is good. (time is abrasive, timelessness is friction-less)
  2. There is an unknowable God, who gave rise to many lesser spirit beings called Aeons. (Inflationary Cosmology)
  3. One evil, lower spirit being is the creator who made the universe. (omit this point)
  4. Gnosticism does not deal with 'sin', only ignorance. (raise your consciousness/self-awareness, and especially your Mortality Salience)
  5. To achieve salvation, one needs to get in touch with secret knowledge. (The works of: David Benatar, Peter Wessel Zapffe, Philip Nitschke, Thomas Metzinger --to name a few)
  6. time is an insult --at least in this universe.
Lastly, to recap: One can benefit greatly from living and dying by Exit International's mission: "A Peaceful Death is Everybody's Right" --not least of which due to the simple fact that death is the de facto destination of every individual born in this arbitrary, random universe (of which there may be an infinite number, in which case the one we find ourselves ingrained in may well be the garbage one out of the whole lot; other universes may have physical parameters (constants) which maybe aren't so abrasive and hostile--but we don't live in one of those peachy spaces, obviously). The individual is not figuratively, but literally a shadow of time.

death = real & mandatory
human life = random, artificial, and optional

Admittedly, few depressed minds would actually have the energy required to read through and comprehend most of this ...but this last point here was predicted too, (near the middle of this text)
 
M

millefeui

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Mar 31, 2018
1,036
I am very scared of what comes next. I really really hope for nothingness, to cease to exist, but it just so hard for me to accept it. I am the kind of person who needs evidence to believe in something, and if there isn't evidence, any possibility is a valid possibility in my books.

And that is scary.

Don't feel bad for having fears, even if they are supposedly irrational. It is something out of your control.
 
Threads

Threads

Warlock
Jul 13, 2018
724
Fear of death is healthy and rational response.

I fear death. I cannot give you advice on overcoming it, as I have not overcame that fear. But I have embraced it. I have embraced that fear and accepted that it will be a challenge for me to overcome. If you can embrace it is as a challenge, it will be the very last hurdle you will face.
 
Tiburcio

Tiburcio

Voluntary deletion.
May 9, 2018
1,573
I am very scared of what comes next. I really really hope for nothingness, to cease to exist, but it just so hard for me to accept it. I am the kind of person who needs evidence to believe in something, and if there isn't evidence, any possibility is a valid possibility in my books.

And that is scary.

Don't feel bad for having fears, even if they are supposedly irrational. It is something out of your control.
I feel the same and I think that stopped me so many times. You can be very convinced of there's no afterlife and thinking like "your system turns off and you are gone forever" but at the moment of truth it doesn't work and my mind continues creating fear constantly.

Don't feel bad for having fears, even if they are supposedly irrational. It is something out of your control
You are comprehensive, thank you.
 
FTL.Wanderer

FTL.Wanderer

Enlightened
May 31, 2018
1,791
I'm very sure of what I'm going to do and it's the best option I have and I really want to do it. ... My reasons for wanting to kill myself are very solid and death is not something that should scare me. But I fear it. ... But here I am... And I'm afraid of how many time I will be.

I feel similarly. I've known since I was in school. And if you "know" but keep waiting, something horrible can happen: you linger, failing to realize any major goals, and can become destitute in Capitalismo. And when you most need a friend, you might find you don't even have one. Then to linger in that state of near-death for decades. I'm convinced if our governments provided a medically competent, fast, affordable, painless way out for those of us who're determined to go, far more of us would leave--and far more quickly.
 
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FTL.Wanderer

FTL.Wanderer

Enlightened
May 31, 2018
1,791
death is the ultimate loss, the ultimate destruction. You lose everything you ever had and was. You don't want to do it. No one who has seen death's face can call it beautiful.

But, but, but, in Clash Of The Titans, Hades said nothing is more beautiful than death (paraphrase)... :)
 

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