• Welcome to SanctionedSuicide, a pro-choice forum for the discussion of mental illness and suicide. Please read our rules and our Principles.
    If you are in need of immediate support, please call the Samaritans hotline at (877) 870-4673, or check our recovery resources.

T

treestumpbootsneo

Member
Joined
Sep 14, 2021
Messages
14
Hi all.

I have been reading this forum for quite a while, but recently things have gotten out of control for me and I joined.

From the outside people may think my life isn't so bad - I have a high income, I am married, have children, etc. But my marriage is not a good one, and I can't see any good outcome if I leave, yet even worse in some ways if I stay. My wife nags me badly, my kids are very whiny, and my wife and I have a sharply deteriorating personal relationship. We fight often and I often feel I have to leave to get out of the situation before it gets out of control, which causes worse fights when I get back.

If I mention divorce she threatens me with losing my underwear, and I don't doubt it.

It became so bad last week that I decided to go the route I have heard of here - get SN, get meto, do it. I ordered SN last week and it was ready for collection. I asked for a meto perscription on Friday. It didn't come through, but we had such a bad fight on Saturday that I decided to go ahead without it. I started driving to the place to pick up the SN, but my GPS glitched and I ended up on the wrong highway and there was a long traffic jam due to a police roadblock. By the time I made it out the supplier had closed.

Then my meto perscription came through on Monday, but another curveball happened. A new co worker joined my company but his car got wrecked, so he needs a lift in with me (we are on the same schedule) until he gets a new car, so my plans of getting the SN have been ruined for now, since I can't really take him to the supplier, or at least I'd feel weird and bad about it.

My life just seems so bad right now, all I do is wake up early to get the kids ready for school, take them, go to work, then come home and do every day tasks and clean the house until 11/12 at night, and then I also have insomnia. Despite all this, my wife hardly helps me at all and just watches TV, reads Facebook, or works on her computer. I'm exhausted, feel upset about hwo I get treated, and don't know what to do about it.:eh:

Thanks for reading and sorry for the long rant.
 
Midgardsorm

Midgardsorm

Undead
Joined
Apr 28, 2020
Messages
430
It pains me to hear about a father having to deal with this.

Your story is quite touching and I'm sorry for the pain you are being forced to endure. Life has been hard on you, despite everything you might have being doing to improve.

About your kids, as a son I feel the need to apologize for how children can be. I don't know their ages but no matter what, kids can really punish their parents for not apparent reason. I tell you this because I where a kid once, we all were. I feel for my father, despite having a decent relation with him, if I ctb I can only imagine what will go on over his mind. Although I have my reasons for not trusting him and the rest of the family.

Marriages are always complex. I wouldn't know where to start. I can only offer my sympathies for everything that has been happening with you.

The situation you found yourself in is a really complicated one. Not in uncommon, but that's not the case.

Have you ever spoke to your children? Either they wanted to be left alone or maybe they want something from you, or maybe the fact that your relationship with your wife being as it is, might be troubling them.
My parents used to fight a lot, that was really scary when I was just a little kid.

As for your wife, I cannot offer any advice, I'm sorry. I have been single my whole life, I won't be of any help in this matter.

Ultimately, I don't know where you live. Meto seems to be hard to obtain in certain countries, but once you get a hold of it and the SN. You will have everything in your hands.

Just remember to consider recovery, maybe try something different if you already didn't.

And remember, we are always here to help. Since you're new here I can say that you will find the most sympathetic, warm-hearted people over here. We will always listen to you. Even though we never see each other, live very far away and some of us speaks different language, I guess suffering is a language that we understand, and we can help you.

But ultimately, the decision is yours.

I wish you the best.
 
T

treestumpbootsneo

Member
Joined
Sep 14, 2021
Messages
14
Midgardsorm said:
It pains me to hear about a father having to deal with this.

Your story is quite touching and I'm sorry for the pain you are being forced to endure. Life has been hard on you, despite everything you might have being doing to improve.

About your kids, as a son I feel the need to apologize for how children can be. I don't know their ages but no matter what, kids can really punish their parents for not apparent reason. I tell you this because I where a kid once, we all were. I feel for my father, despite having a decent relation with him, if I ctb I can only imagine what will go on over his mind. Although I have my reasons for not trusting him and the rest of the family.
Yes, it's true, kids can be a problem. I think my kids are unfortunately worse than most. The oldest had a ton of issues when he was young, and even though now he's doing a lot better in certain ways (A average student, whereas when he was young we thought he might be mentally disabled), he has a very rebellious attitude, even though he isn't a teenager yet. He and his younger brother fight constantly as well, over anything ,even an iPad charger.
Midgardsorm said:
Marriages are always complex. I wouldn't know where to start. I can only offer my sympathies for everything that has been happening with you.

The situation you found yourself in is a really complicated one. Not in uncommon, but that's not the case.

Have you ever spoke to your children? Either they wanted to be left alone or maybe they want something from you, or maybe the fact that your relationship with your wife being as it is, might be troubling them.
My parents used to fight a lot, that was really scary when I was just a little kid.
I don't doubt it effects them, and it's the main reason I have not considered CTB before now. I try to tell them it's not their fault, but I just wish we could stop fighting completely.
Midgardsorm said:
As for your wife, I cannot offer any advice, I'm sorry. I have been single my whole life, I won't be of any help in this matter.
I'm sorry about that. I don't know how old you are, but I was single until 26, and I can't decide if it was a good thing or a bad thing. Right now I think it was a good thing, but also I can't deny that I really was upset at that age because I had never had a girlfriend, so who knows if I would have been better off or worse off - I'm not sure.
Midgardsorm said:
Ultimately, I don't know where you live. Meto seems to be hard to obtain in certain countries, but once you get a hold of it and the SN. You will have everything in your hands.

Just remember to consider recovery, maybe try something different if you already didn't.
At the moment it doesn't seem possible for me to go through with, but the feeling is still there. I just honestly wish my life would have been different, because I know that life can be better. But now that I'm so old, in my 40s, I don't know if I have enough time to make it better.
Midgardsorm said:
And remember, we are always here to help. Since you're new here I can say that you will find the most sympathetic, warm-hearted people over here. We will always listen to you. Even though we never see each other, live very far away and some of us speaks different language, I guess suffering is a language that we understand, and we can help you.

But ultimately, the decision is yours.

I wish you the best.
Thank for your post, it was really thoughtful and heartfelt.
 
T

treestumpbootsneo

Member
Joined
Sep 14, 2021
Messages
14
Midgardsorm said:
It pains me to hear about a father having to deal with this.

Your story is quite touching and I'm sorry for the pain you are being forced to endure. Life has been hard on you, despite everything you might have being doing to improve.

About your kids, as a son I feel the need to apologize for how children can be. I don't know their ages but no matter what, kids can really punish their parents for not apparent reason. I tell you this because I where a kid once, we all were. I feel for my father, despite having a decent relation with him, if I ctb I can only imagine what will go on over his mind. Although I have my reasons for not trusting him and the rest of the family.

Marriages are always complex. I wouldn't know where to start. I can only offer my sympathies for everything that has been happening with you.

The situation you found yourself in is a really complicated one. Not in uncommon, but that's not the case.

Have you ever spoke to your children? Either they wanted to be left alone or maybe they want something from you, or maybe the fact that your relationship with your wife being as it is, might be troubling them.
My parents used to fight a lot, that was really scary when I was just a little kid.

As for your wife, I cannot offer any advice, I'm sorry. I have been single my whole life, I won't be of any help in this matter.

Ultimately, I don't know where you live. Meto seems to be hard to obtain in certain countries, but once you get a hold of it and the SN. You will have everything in your hands.

Just remember to consider recovery, maybe try something different if you already didn't.

And remember, we are always here to help. Since you're new here I can say that you will find the most sympathetic, warm-hearted people over here. We will always listen to you. Even though we never see each other, live very far away and some of us speaks different language, I guess suffering is a language that we understand, and we can help you.

But ultimately, the decision is yours.

I wish you the best.
Btw that is a really cool profile pic :smiling:
 
  • Love
Reactions: Midgardsorm
T

toforigivelife

Experienced
Joined
Jul 5, 2021
Messages
232
You are truly trapped in a toxic hell.

I was going to add the word abusive but abusive makes it sounds like you're only experiencing mild abuse or abuse-like effects when what you're experiencing is abuse at every level.

Being abused and drained by someone like her will drain your life force, your mental health and your will to live.

Speaking as a woman I can just imagine the response if the tables were turned and you were the one doing all of these things to her. You'd have a restraining order against you, you would have been arrested by now.

I don't blame you for wanting to end it.

I'm not advising you to end it, I don't want you to end it but I don't blame you.

You are completely drained and overwhelmed, she's made you fear divorce, your right to end this situation and get your life back, and you probably cannot bear to think about what she'd do as far as custody rights and visitation.

I want to advise to speak to an attorney, a male friend who has been through the same situation or to seek help but only you know what you have the energy to do or what you are capable of handling right now.

I'm so sorry for what you are going through right now. Just so very sorry.
 
T

treestumpbootsneo

Member
Joined
Sep 14, 2021
Messages
14
toforigivelife said:
You are truly trapped in a toxic hell.

I was going to add the word abusive but abusive makes it sounds like you're only experiencing mild abuse or abuse-like effects when what you're experiencing is abuse at every level.

Being abused and drained by someone like her will drain your life force, your mental health and your will to live.

Speaking as a woman I can just imagine the response if the tables were turned and you were the one doing all of these things to her. You'd have a restraining order against you, you would have been arrested by now.

I don't blame you for wanting to end it.

I'm not advising you to end it, I don't want you to end it but I don't blame you.

You are completely drained and overwhelmed, she's made you fear divorce, your right to end this situation and get your life back, and you probably cannot bear to think about what she'd do as far as custody rights and visitation.

I want to advise to speak to an attorney, a male friend who has been through the same situation or to seek help but only you know what you have the energy to do or what you are capable of handling right now.

I'm so sorry for what you are going through right now. Just so very sorry.
Thank you for the kind words.I also feel that even if I got divorced and had the chance to start over, I wouldn't be able to re-build my life because I'm too old (40) :aw:
 
T

toforigivelife

Experienced
Joined
Jul 5, 2021
Messages
232
treestumpbootsneo said:
Thank you for the kind words.I also feel that even if I got divorced and had the chance to start over, I wouldn't be able to re-build my life because I'm too old (40) :aw:
Clinical Depression coupled with living a witch, I'm restraining myself and being polite by describing her that way, who abuses you can make you feel old.

And then when you add a layer of despair, you can feel like you've already died.

I wish someone could wave a magic wand and solve your problems and heal your wounds, I wish I had that wand, but only you know how you feel, only you understand your quality of life and what's best for you.

I'll keep a good thought for you but I understand why you feel like you want to remove yourself from this existence and respect whatever decision you come to. Whatever decision you come to I wish you love, peace and healing.
 
T

treestumpbootsneo

Member
Joined
Sep 14, 2021
Messages
14
The sad thing is she asked me what I was doing when I was out, phoned while I was on the way. I didn't give her specifics but I told her what I was going to do. She said "Good, that's fine, just don't crash the car, we want that". Since I was on the way to get SN it was no bluff, but she treated it as if it was.
 
  • Aww..
Reactions: toforigivelife
FuneralCry

FuneralCry

I want to sleep for an eternity
Joined
Sep 24, 2020
Messages
3,986
I’m sorry you are suffering. It sounds like you are going through a lot and I understand that it is hard to carry on when you are struggling. I wish you well.
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: treestumpbootsneo
T

toforigivelife

Experienced
Joined
Jul 5, 2021
Messages
232
treestumpbootsneo said:
The sad thing is she asked me what I was doing when I was out, phoned while I was on the way. I didn't give her specifics but I told her what I was going to do. She said "Good, that's fine, just don't crash the car, we want that". Since I was on the way to get SN it was no bluff, but she treated it as if it was.
"Good, that's fine, just don't crash the car, we want that"

Oh my God. Just...

If you were recording every conversation you have had with her, recording her every word you could have her on emotional and psychological abuse.

Does that apply to men? Or just to women?
 

Similar threads