- Apr 22, 2021
I know that the time i have to go comes closer, so yesterday i took some tramadol and chose a nice, somewhat unusual playlist on my mobile phone and got on my bicycle and drove to the about 40 minutes to the nearby woods. I had my rope and a knife with me. I know the area a bit because i grew up nearby. I went for a specific spot that always pops up in my mind when I think about my farewell. When I reached the spot, I made sure that it was truly out of sight, so nobody on the main road will be able to spot me. Of course, I'll do it in the middle of the night, so the chances of being found too early go against zero, but nevertheless. Most threes there are beeches with no side branches, at least none that I can reach to fix my rope on. There are also some small oak trees, which I like very much. I swung my rope over a branch, fixed one end around my neck, and held the other in my hand to see how quickly I could go unconscious. I reached the point of vertigo and blurred vision, but I was too afraid of blacking out because the terrain there is quite steep and i would have fallen a fair and probably crashed against a trunk, probably with my face. Anyway, I got that strange feeling where your legs are trembling uncontrollably, and you feel this strange euphoria pulsing though your body. Before i left, i tried different versions on about three different trees. I got tiered, and my throat began to hurt a bit from trying, so I left. Well, next step to try to fall unconscious, but I will try this at home where I can securely fall when I pass out. It was a day with complex feelings.