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H

hunter_lewis

Specialist
Sep 17, 2018
335
Let's say someone is around 35 years of age and both of his parents end it all because they are getting older and sicker. They can still function, one of them has high pain levels and hates being old.
Is it morally wrong for the parents to do this? Would it have been better for them to never have had their child?
I am searching for people who last a parent to suicide and to get an idea of how bad the devastation really is-is it like wanting to die bad, never getting over it bad, and losing your job and becoming a bum kind of bad or is it bad in the sense that eventually you learn to live with it without going crazy?
 
H

hunter_lewis

Specialist
Sep 17, 2018
335
Let's say someone is around 35 years of age and both of his parents end it all because they are getting older and sicker. They can still function, one of them has high pain levels and hates being old.
Is it morally wrong for the parents to do this? Would it have been better for them to never have had their child?
I am searching for people who last a parent to suicide and to get an idea of how bad the devastation really is-is it like wanting to die bad, never getting over it bad, and losing your job and becoming a bum kind of bad or is it bad in the sense that eventually you learn to live with it without going crazy?

@EvilAngelGoddess Is there any one of my posts you don't like:happy: it's a bit flattering :pfff:
 
Circles

Circles

There's a difference between existing and living.
Sep 3, 2018
1,718
"Would it have been better for them to never have had their child?"

Yes imho, because they forced someone to be born in a world full of suffering and then decides to leave the poor child in their most vulnerable period in life and basically say 'Here ya go kiddo you'll be lonely and distraught for years until you probably kill yourself too, good luck!' It's just a recipe for disaster waiting to happen rolling the dice with another beings potential suffering which the parents totally disregards.
 
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Mr2005

Mr2005

Don't shoot the messenger, give me the gun
Sep 25, 2018
3,370
Let's say someone is around 35 years of age and both of his parents end it all because they are getting older and sicker. They can still function, one of them has high pain levels and hates being old.
Is it morally wrong for the parents to do this? Would it have been better for them to never have had their child?
I am searching for people who last a parent to suicide and to get an idea of how bad the devastation really is-is it like wanting to die bad, never getting over it bad, and losing your job and becoming a bum kind of bad or is it bad in the sense that eventually you learn to live with it without going crazy?
I would be pissed. Pissed I didn't go first
 
H

hunter_lewis

Specialist
Sep 17, 2018
335
"Would it have been better for them to never have had their child?"

Yes imho, because they forced someone to be born in a world full of suffering and then decides to leave the poor child in their most vulnerable period in life and basically say 'Here ya go kiddo you'll be lonely and distraught for years until you probably kill yourself too, good luck!' It's just a recipe for disaster waiting to happen rolling the dice with another beings potential suffering which the parents totally disregards.

how is being 35 the most vulnerable part of life?
 
Prime

Prime

A Nihilist
Oct 25, 2018
210
I had an uncle who killed himself by standing in front of an express train. He has two daughters and a wife. The little girls are too small today to completely understand what their father has done. They just ask their mother when he will come back from his business trip. And their mother says nothing in return. When they grow up, it will be difficult for them to live without a father, both emtionally and financially.

If my parents commit suicide, I will end my life the very next moment.
 
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Sayo

Sayo

Not 2B
Aug 22, 2018
520
I don't speak to my father because of his history of abusing my family and its contribution to my mental illness. I would be very sad if he died, and I can't fully anticipate how badly it might affect me, but I have spent a lot of my life grieving the person he was, could have been, and that I wanted him to be. I would understand completely why he would commit suicide. We share mental illnesses and the state of intellectual imprisonment. He cannot carry out his life's work because the stress exacerbates his mental illness so severely he loses touch with reality, and accordingly he is terribly isolated. His physical quality of life is poor and he has been homeless on and off for so long. His parents, in my opinion, screwed him over emotionally in a way that my brother and I inherited; when your parents desert you emotionally, you tend to spend your life pining for them. I don't think he will, though, and I am pleased that he is doing better these days. (It helps that he has a proper place to live now.)

I love my mother and would be devastated by her loss. I don't think I could cope at all. I would be shocked if she is suicidal due to the depth of the emotional conversations we have had, my insight into her psyche, and my previous attempts to find out why she isn't suicidal (when I was younger, I thought she must be lying to me that she wasn't suicidal, that everyone must be suicidal like me - especially because her suffering was so great, and because I had seen her pushed to the limits before and threatening suicide several times, which was traumatic). I think it would probably be deeply related to me and that is very difficult to process. I grew up enmeshed with her, so I am not normal - I did not start individuating properly on some emotional levels until my early 20s, and I have less capacity for coping with something like this than other people. But I don't think I would ever be 'the same' again.

She is my carer and in practical terms it would essentially invert my life. I am not sure I would have anywhere to live. While I could afford rent with a housemate and used to live on my own, all of that requires a lot of community support and physical assistance to make happen. I don't think my relatives would let me be homeless, but nobody is really in a position to support me themselves.

It depends on the children. Many children seem to recover with the proper support, but it's an enormous factor in suicide risk and even the ones that get through it come out with terrible scars; adults are better equipped to move on from the loss of a parent, and as they get older and see their parents aging and becoming sicker, they begin to accept it. Still, most of us live in countries where we can reasonably expect to have our parents around well into our own middle age unless they die of something like cancer. Also, suicide is perceived as a different type of loss to death due to aging, so that's something one would have to assess.
 
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Prime

Prime

A Nihilist
Oct 25, 2018
210
A suicide is very different from a natural death. In natural death there is guilt sometimes for the children. The children think that they might have been able to save their parent by admitting them to a better hospital or by going to this and that doctor et cetera. This guilt is not as strong as the guilt suffered by those left behind in a suicide. You can easily imagine what kind of guilt you will experience if your parent commits suicide and you didn't even know that he/she was suicidal. You may find yourself to be a terrible child who could have saved his/her parent if only you cared more about them. That "if only" stays with you forever. I have seen in some cases that the feelings that children develop after a parent commits suicide depend on how old the child was when it happened. If the child was under 6-7, he won't completely understand it at that point. When he/she grows up, and comes to terms with what his/her parent had done, he/she can develop any of these emotions for it- anger, resentment, grief or in some cases no emotion at all except sadness that they are orphans now. If it happens when the child is an adolescent, it is mostly anger that they develop. If in 20s and above - guilt. Guilt that they could have saved the parent if only...
But if that child had suffered abuse from that parent in the childhood, he/she will not be much grief-striken. Still these are all my hypotheses.
 
Soul

Soul

gate gate paragate parasamgate bodhi svaha
Apr 12, 2019
4,717
My mother committed suicide, but it was a completely different situation than the one described. In the scenario described, I would hope the parents would explain their reasons to their adult children, who could understand and respect their wishes.
 
J

Jolene40

-
Oct 6, 2018
370
My father committed suicide. It had a profound effect no doubt but i don't fully appreciate how it did. I still got on and enjoyed my youth. I have had 'issues' - is this why- who knows.
As an adult i feel nothing but empathy. I now understand that level of suffering entirely although my reasons are different for considering ctb.
I don't think it was morally wrong to have had a child in your scenario! Especially at 35 and as the reasons for it are out of their control and could not be predicted ( physical illness / unrelenting pain)
 
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EmotionlessWanderer

EmotionlessWanderer

-
Jan 19, 2019
352
I would be sad yes but I wouldn’t be mad or anything. I would respect their decision because Suicide is an act of free will.

And if any Karen’s in my family pull the selfish card I’m going to verbally lose my shit on them. Probably say something offensive and become the black sheep of my bloodline.
 
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Deleted member 2141

Deleted member 2141

The angel of choice is enduring.
Aug 30, 2018
5,309
It would make me sad for a while, but at the same time, I would have one less thing to tether me down to this existence called 'life'. As far as parents not having children, as an anti-natalist, I don't agree with having children at all regardless of whether they are suicidal or not as the world is shitty enough by default.
 
Jenna

Jenna

Experienced
Nov 21, 2018
234
I guess it would depend on the reason. If the suffering was beyond immense I don't know how I could judge it. For me if it happens I'm writing it all out why it happened. I think part of the problem is when big secrets are kept and it becomes taboo. Sometimes it happens and that person may not have been conscious of what they were doing.
 
J

Jolene40

-
Oct 6, 2018
370
As far as I know the offspring of suicides are more prone to suicide than the general population.

I think about that alot. But i also think my situation is so horrific and i know no one as physically unwell as me to compare. Would i be more of the mindset 'just keep going' and less ' f**k this im off' if my dad hadn't taken his life?

I don't think id be suicidal if i wasnt so ill.
 
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Soul

Soul

gate gate paragate parasamgate bodhi svaha
Apr 12, 2019
4,717
I think about that alot. But i also think my situation is so horrific and i know no one as physically unwell as me to compare. Would i be more of the mindset 'just keep going' and less ' f**k this im off' if my dad hadn't taken his life?

I don't think id be suicidal if i wasnt so ill.
I'm sorry you're so ill, Jolene40. You're a beautifully kind and courageous person.

My own feeling is that for children of suicides, the possibility of killing ourselves becomes part of daily reality. It never even occurs to some people, and for children of suicides it's right near the top of the pile of available options.

Weirdly, my grandmother killed herself decades after my mother did; and my aunt killed herself years after her son did. So maybe it's not so much the children as the immediate family? Or maybe my family just got extra twisted up. 8\
 
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Quinlor

Quinlor

The stranger
Feb 21, 2019
982
Well if my father died I probably would understand it as a permission to me ctb. However, he is very religious so suicide out of question.
 
Rallyon

Rallyon

LetMeFree
Apr 22, 2019
723
I want to ctb but i have kids who need me im ashamed should do better i just cant im haunted and terminted i do try do my best for them its them keepin me here but i desprety want to go......
 
Soul

Soul

gate gate paragate parasamgate bodhi svaha
Apr 12, 2019
4,717
I want to ctb but i have kids who need me im ashamed should do better i just cant im haunted and terminted i do try do my best for them its them keepin me here but i desprety want to go......
Rallyon, I'm sorry you're in such distress. How old are your kids, may I ask? I hope something gets easier for you.
 
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Rallyon

Rallyon

LetMeFree
Apr 22, 2019
723
Even worse if i say im aching inside there young.....im trapped here and my partner so controlling i hate him so much i want him to go but its the kids and if i go what hope have they.......but i cant make things better and the pressure i feel like him and everyone out to get me....but the question is would they be better of without me they should have a good life they deserve it so much...it hard to talk about.....i dont know if i can do it alone its a long long story like most of ours im with him since i was 16 left home and instead runnin from bad to good i ran from bad to even worse .....
Rallyon, I'm sorry you're in such distress. How old are your kids, may I ask? I hope something gets easier for you.
[/QUOTE
Even worse if i say im aching inside there young.....im trapped here and my partner so controlling i hate him so much i want him to go but its the kids and if i go what hope have they.......but i cant make things better and the pressure i feel like him and everyone out to get me....but the question is would they be better of without me they should have a good life they deserve it so much...it hard to talk about.....i dont know if i can do it alone its a long long story like most of ours im with him since i was 16 left home and instead runnin from bad to good i ran from bad to even worse .....
 
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