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Anon1337

Anon1337

-
Oct 1, 2018
201
I can’t do anything right. I’ve failed at most things in life. I spend most of my time in my room while everyone around me is starting to prepare for university. I’ve never been in a proper relationship. I cut my self when it gets too much. I’m a wimp and a coward. I’ve taken longer routes home because I see people from school walking in the same direction. I always manage to fuck up the simplest of tasks. No one likes me and I can understand why. I’m a horrible person. I’ve attacked and abused my family when I get annoyed with them. I don’t deserve to be loved.

I’m depressed because I was too shy to make any friends. Too much of a wimp to stand up for myself. Too afraid to do something wrong. I let people do whatever they want to me. Now I’m so fucked in the head that I’d go berserk if someone made fun of me. I constantly think of suicide and trying to get revenge on the people that I hate. The people that ruined my self confidence, the people that looked down upon me, the people that treated me like a pawn in their sick games.

I hate living, I hate humanity. I have no family or friends that support me. I’m the biggest problem in my life. I want to lay in bed all day and weep about how unfair everything is.

No one likes me. No one cares. You know when people will care? When I’m deceased. They would forget about me after a while anyway. They would carry on their lives as if nothing happened.

My life is practically over. There’s no reason for me to be alive.
 
your pathologist

your pathologist

¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Sep 5, 2018
516
I felt very similar growing up.
There werent a lot of things to distract me from being in pain or believing that all of this didnt have a point.
Didnt get the chance to go to college right out of schools and watching people I knew live out their dreams was very painful.

The only thing I could do was distract myself with guys trying to start meaningful relationships to ease some of the pain
 
Anon1337

Anon1337

-
Oct 1, 2018
201
I felt very similar growing up.
There werent a lot of things to distract me from being in pain or believing that all of this didnt have a point.
Didnt get the chance to go to college right out of schools and watching people I knew live out their dreams was very painful.

The only thing I could do was distract myself with guys trying to start meaningful relationships to ease some of the pain
Anxiety and my height ruin my chances of being in a relationship. I’m 5’7.
 
S

Schopenhauer

Enlightened
Oct 3, 2018
1,136
I’m a piece of shit too, but for different reasons. I don’t think I deserve to die for what I am, but it certainly doesn’t help.

I feel your pain, Anon1337. As for relationships, I had a hard time getting one of those too. High school was hell, college too. I felt very alone. It took me 35 years to find someone I actually love and care about. Then I fucked it up too. It’s better this way for her, though, since I was going to ctb anyway.
 
fuckthis

fuckthis

I've made up my mind.
Sep 23, 2018
264
I know exactly how you feel man. I'm living that right now. All of my former friends from High School are off to college whilst I sit inside my bedroom all day thinking about ways to kill myself. It's as if everyone my age is on a new chapter whilst I'm still stuck on the same one that has High School written all over, and I'm stuck reminiscing in the past because it's all I have now. All I have are memories I can no longer re-live because I fucked it up as soon as I finished School. I don't leave my house past 3-4PM because I don't want too run into old friends or people I used to know, I already had one occurence at the gym where someone I used to know approached me. I had to lie for the first time that I was in college, to play it off. Even though I look like a fucking bum. It's obvious I don't have my shit together. I stutter and sweat near others, I simply can't string a simple sentance together anymore. I really do feel trapped inside of my own home and it's really starting to get too me. I feel like my sanity is slowly slipping away. If it's of any consolation, I've never been in a relationship either. I've never had many friends, and the ones I did have no longer talk too me. Or they insult me. It's why I spend all of my time on here to be honest.

Yea, I'm sorry I'm not much help. Just figured I'd tell you you're not alone with this lifestyle that we've adopted. Sorry for the tangent, I can just relate a lot too this.
 
N

Nik

-
Oct 4, 2018
46
I can’t do anything right. I’ve failed at most things in life. I spend most of my time in my room while everyone around me is starting to prepare for university. I’ve never been in a proper relationship. I cut my self when it gets too much. I’m a wimp and a coward. I’ve taken longer routes home because I see people from school walking in the same direction. I always manage to fuck up the simplest of tasks. No one likes me and I can understand why. I’m a horrible person. I’ve attacked and abused my family when I get annoyed with them. I don’t deserve to be loved.

I’m depressed because I was too shy to make any friends. Too much of a wimp to stand up for myself. Too afraid to do something wrong. I let people do whatever they want to me. Now I’m so fucked in the head that I’d go berserk if someone made fun of me. I constantly think of suicide and trying to get revenge on the people that I hate. The people that ruined my self confidence, the people that looked down upon me, the people that treated me like a pawn in their sick games.

I hate living, I hate humanity. I have no family or friends that support me. I’m the biggest problem in my life. I want to lay in bed all day and weep about how unfair everything is.

No one likes me. No one cares. You know when people will care? When I’m deceased. They would forget about me after a while anyway. They would carry on their lives as if nothing happened.

My life is practically over. There’s no reason for me to be alive.

What did you aspire to achieve before adulthood?
 
Anon1337

Anon1337

-
Oct 1, 2018
201
I know exactly how you feel man. I'm living that right now. All of my former friends from High School are off to college whilst I sit inside my bedroom all day thinking about ways to kill myself. It's as if everyone my age is on a new chapter whilst I'm still stuck on the same one that has High School written all over, and I'm stuck reminiscing in the past because it's all I have now. All I have are memories I can no longer re-live because I fucked it up as soon as I finished School. I don't leave my house past 3-4PM because I don't want too run into old friends or people I used to know, I already had one occurence at the gym where someone I used to know approached me. I had to lie for the first time that I was in college, to play it off. Even though I look like a fucking bum. It's obvious I don't have my shit together. I stutter and sweat near others, I simply can't string a simple sentance together anymore. I really do feel trapped inside of my own home and it's really starting to get too me. I feel like my sanity is slowly slipping away. If it's of any consolation, I've never been in a relationship either. I've never had many friends, and the ones I did have no longer talk too me. Or they insult me. It's why I spend all of my time on here to be honest.

Yea, I'm sorry I'm not much help. Just figured I'd tell you you're not alone with this lifestyle that we've adopted.
Thank you. We can relate.
 
worldexploder

worldexploder

-
Sep 19, 2018
2,823
I’m sorry you’re going though all this. You sound extremely nice - the kind of person I respect. None of us here are “pieces of shit”. We are all victims of life’s cruel imposition and are struggling to find a way out of all this insanity.
 
Anon1337

Anon1337

-
Oct 1, 2018
201
I love you Anon. I'm here for you. We're all here for you.

Let it all out.
I just want to die. I really just want to end everything. But I wish everything was perfect and I could be satisfied. Pills haven’t done anything. I feel ashamed to take them. I always say to myself that things will get better... but they don’t. Every day I get further into this maze of depression. Every day it gets harder.
 
Deleted member 2141

Deleted member 2141

The angel of choice is enduring.
Aug 30, 2018
5,309
My life is pretty similar too, I've been bullied growing up and my family isn't always supporting of my decisions. During childhood until adulthood, I've always been told what I should do and if I complained or went against it, I'd get horribly punished for it. School life is hell too as the people I thought were my friends weren't really real "friends" and forget even getting a girlfriend, I couldn't even get one if I tried due to my looks, anxiety, boring/shitty personality, and of course Aspergers (not that I'd care for one at this point anyhow).

I also have very little reason for being alive at this point. I'm just going through the motions of life and keeping up a front so I can someday ctb when I've decided that I've absolutely had it.
 
Anon1337

Anon1337

-
Oct 1, 2018
201
My life is pretty similar too, I've been bullied growing up and my family isn't always supporting of my decisions. During childhood until adulthood, I've always been told what I should do and if I complained or went against it, I'd get horribly punished for it. School life is hell too as the people I thought were my friends weren't really real "friends" and forget even getting a girlfriend, I couldn't even get one if I tried due to my looks, anxiety, boring/shitty personality, and of course Aspergers (not that I'd care for one at this point anyhow).

I also have very little reason for being alive at this point. I'm just going through the motions of life and keeping up a front so I can someday ctb when I've decided that I've absolutely had it.
Thank you for replying. I hated my time at school. I used to lock my self in the toilets at break time because I didn’t want to be around people. I was scared of what might happen.
 
Nem

Nem

Drs suck mega ass!
Sep 3, 2018
1,492
Sorry to hear! I can sort of relate, had the wrong friends growing up and might hsve been better off being a loner instead. I actually was doing okay until I met this girl and she was pretty controlling, other times she was really nice but she would get angry for no reason out of the blue. Two days after moving in with her she insisted we quit weed, I was finding it helpful at the time instead of taking meds and told her I'm not ready to quit...she said she didn't want it around her at all. Right then I should've just moved out back to my apt pronto, but I was a stupid fucking moron. Two weeks later I told her that quitting weed made my depression severe and her actual reply was "bullshit, I don't believe you". Okay, I was like wtf did you just say?! Right then I should've moved right out! Like I still had my apt and I kept it just for that reason, I was a retard for not moving out.
I should never have quit weed because someone demands that I do, at the time it was holding my depression in place and as soon as I quit it got quickly worse.
The relationship was quite controlling and I never needed that crap at all. What a freaking joke.
Peace
 
F

Final Escape

I’ve been here too long
Jul 8, 2018
4,353
I can’t do anything right. I’ve failed at most things in life. I spend most of my time in my room while everyone around me is starting to prepare for university. I’ve never been in a proper relationship. I cut my self when it gets too much. I’m a wimp and a coward. I’ve taken longer routes home because I see people from school walking in the same direction. I always manage to fuck up the simplest of tasks. No one likes me and I can understand why. I’m a horrible person. I’ve attacked and abused my family when I get annoyed with them. I don’t deserve to be loved.

I’m depressed because I was too shy to make any friends. Too much of a wimp to stand up for myself. Too afraid to do something wrong. I let people do whatever they want to me. Now I’m so fucked in the head that I’d go berserk if someone made fun of me. I constantly think of suicide and trying to get revenge on the people that I hate. The people that ruined my self confidence, the people that looked down upon me, the people that treated me like a pawn in their sick games.

I hate living, I hate humanity. I have no family or friends that support me. I’m the biggest problem in my life. I want to lay in bed all day and weep about how unfair everything is.

No one likes me. No one cares. You know when people will care? When I’m deceased. They would forget about me after a while anyway. They would carry on their lives as if nothing happened.

My life is practically over. There’s no reason for me to be alive.
This made me tear up :'( I can’t think of what to say, but I relate with your pain. I bet you are likeable but something really traumatic happened to make u bitter and resentful. I just want to give u a hug and comfort u.
 
AndyCurious

AndyCurious

-
Sep 13, 2018
708
I can’t do anything right. I’ve failed at most things in life. I spend most of my time in my room while everyone around me is starting to prepare for university. I’ve never been in a proper relationship. I cut my self when it gets too much. I’m a wimp and a coward. I’ve taken longer routes home because I see people from school walking in the same direction. I always manage to fuck up the simplest of tasks. No one likes me and I can understand why. I’m a horrible person. I’ve attacked and abused my family when I get annoyed with them. I don’t deserve to be loved.

I’m depressed because I was too shy to make any friends. Too much of a wimp to stand up for myself. Too afraid to do something wrong. I let people do whatever they want to me. Now I’m so fucked in the head that I’d go berserk if someone made fun of me. I constantly think of suicide and trying to get revenge on the people that I hate. The people that ruined my self confidence, the people that looked down upon me, the people that treated me like a pawn in their sick games.

I hate living, I hate humanity. I have no family or friends that support me. I’m the biggest problem in my life. I want to lay in bed all day and weep about how unfair everything is.

No one likes me. No one cares. You know when people will care? When I’m deceased. They would forget about me after a while anyway. They would carry on their lives as if nothing happened.

My life is practically over. There’s no reason for me to be alive.
I can relate to most of what you are feeling.. I don't even feel I am good enough as a boyfriend, nor as a friend as I fail more or less every day...
 
Dead_Inside

Dead_Inside

Wizard
Jul 2, 2018
625
My dad had to call the police on me. He tried to take my computer and I attacked him. How could I do that to the very person that created me? I’m a fucked up person. Thank you for the support.

It’s ok. Not that you probably want to hear someone say they did something similar- but yeah. When I was about 14 my POS of a mother and her Husband called the cops on me after we got into a physical altercation when her dude tried to kill my cat. Cops kicked me out.
Your dad should see that something is wrong. You are supposed to be cared for and protected by your parents.
 
BlackDragonof1989

BlackDragonof1989

Mage
Jul 12, 2018
526
I'm sorry you're hurting like this *hugs you warmly* Feel free to reach out to me any time though I probably can't help much I can at least listen and offer warm hugs <3
 
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