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weedoge

weedoge

Banned
Jul 12, 2018
1,528
and I hate myself for it, don't have anything really substantial to say but my sister shared this guilt trip as fuck post on facebook, sort of implying people who are seriously suicidal don't go through this guilt through their own thoughts anyway...

makes me wanna go and slap her in the face and say DO YOU GET IT? DO YOU REALLY GET WHAT IT MEANS TO WANT TO NOT EXIST? Because I know she doesn't. She's told me she loves life. She can't understand.

You want to kill yourself?
It’s 10:53 pm on a Sunday night. You’ve already said goodnight to your parents and siblings. Your door is locked and they think you’re sound asleep. You sit at your desk twirling a pen in your hand. You stare at the blank piece of paper as the tears refill your eyes for the fifth time tonight. You don’t want to do it without writing a goodbye letter. You want to make sure your family knows why you did it. The tears fall onto the paper and you can’t help the frustration as the droplets begin to ruin the paper. You crumble it up and break down even harder. You realize you can’t write the letter, so you look in the mirror once more & watch as your final tear falls. Only a couple moments later your heart stops and the blood escapes your body to create a puddle on the floor. But nobody is going to care, right?

It’s now 6:47 am Monday morning. Your mother waits downstairs in the kitchen to give you your lunch money. She’s already late for work but she doesn’t want you to stress about making lunch for yourself. She doesn’t know what’s taking you so long. She yells your name a couple times, but there’s no response. She has no idea your cold dead body is lying in your bedroom. She thinks you slept in, so she runs up the stairs and knocks on your door. But still, there is no answer. She opens the door and screams, horrified. She runs to you and holds your body. The tears seem like a waterfall, everlasting. She sits there with you cradled in her arms for a good hour, until she has the strength to get up and call your father. Your father rushes home, and they cry together. They pick up your siblings from school and try to explain to them what has happened. Your older brother runs out of your room and into his. He slams the door. He thinks its all his fault. He’s always picked on you, calling you names and starting arguments just to push your buttons. He punches his walls and allows the tears to pour out of him. Your little sister doesn’t understand. She asks if it’s because she always tries to steal your stuff or because she never leaves you alone when you have your friends over. It’s hard to explain something like this to a six year old. But she probably wouldn’t care anyways, right?

It’s now Wednesday and your mom finally goes to your school. She hasn’t left the house since you took your life, but she knew she had to go. She enters your classroom to only see the teacher sitting at her desk grading papers. It’s 12:19pm so your classmates are sitting in lunch. Your teacher greets her and asks where you’ve been. Your mother bursts into tears and your teacher automatically is astonished. She has no idea what’s wrong, but she tries to comfort your mother. Your mom begins to explain what had happened, and your teacher cries too. She begins to have flashbacks of all the times she yelled at you for not paying attention and not doing your homework. She thinks it’s her fault for being to hard on you. Your classmates return and are confused. A couple students recognize your mom and want to say hi, but they sense something is wrong. Your teacher calls the vice principal and principal in and your mom explains. Everyone in the classroom is now crying, Even the annoying boy that sat behind you and threw gum in your hair is crying, thinking its his fault. Even the popular girl that wouldn’t give you the time of day is crying, thinking it’s her fault. Even the nerd that wouldn’t let you copy his homework is crying, thinking it’s his fault. They’re probably all faking, because nobody actually cares, right?

A week has gone buy and it’s time for your funeral. Nobody has ever seen one this large. Almost every kid in your school and their families are there. Actually almost anyone you’ve come into contact with has come. It’s like a pool of black as one looks over the people sitting in the chairs as your dead corpse lies in the casket. Everyone goes up to speak. And after every speech everyone begins to cry even harder. Even the emotionless jock is in hysterics. The funeral lasts many hours; nobody wants to get up, to move on, to accept what has happened is real life. All of them are just too lazy to get up, because they obviously don’t actually care, right?

It’s now been a month since your death. None of your family members have been in your room. The door remains shut. Your mom goes up to your dad and whispers, “it’s time”. Your dad looks at her with his lifeless eyes, nods, and slowly rises from the kitchen table. They enter your room slowly. Just stepping inside of it gives your mother the chills. Your father holds your mom as she begins to tear. He’s trying to be strong, but he can’t, soon the tears swell up in his eyes as well. They begin to pick up your clothes, dust your shelves, and make your bed. The stain on your carpet from your blood has been covered with a rug. Neither of them goes near it. They clean in silence for the next hour. They don’t care that you’re gone; they just didn’t want a messy room, right?

Another week goes by. Your brother passes your room and hears crying coming from inside. He opens the door to see your little sister sitting on your bed clutching your favourite pillow. He runs to her and they cry together. Soon your mother and father have joined them. Your father jokes, “this bed is not big enough for four of us” and everyone laughs. You know, that’s the first time your family has laughed since you died. The first time a smile has even crept on their faces. They hug each other and your mother says, “we’ll get through this, someday…” You thought nobody would care? Well, you were wrong.

Nobody wanted you to take your life. Nobody wanted to wake up and find your body. Nobody wanted this, wished for this, could have imagined this. Some people knew you’ve been down lately, but they never thought this would happen. They never thought this could happen. They never thought they would go through this pain. They never wanted to have to face the agony, the guilt, the frustration, the depression, & the heartache they have been forced to encounter.

Now, before you kill yourself think about it. You matter so much to so many people. There are so many people that will miss you. Your smile, your laugh, the way your eyes light up when you’re happy. Do you want to take that away from everyone? From yourself? Never get to smile again, or see the person that makes your heart skip a beat, never get to live? Don’t do that to yourself. You have so much to live for. If you haven’t already, do you really want to miss the opportunity to meet your true friends? Have your first kiss? Fall head over heels in love? Get your heart broken time and time again? Go to college? Get an A+ on that final you studied for days on end for? Get married? Have your own children? What would you do if you walked in to your 14 year old daughter’s room and saw her lying there with no heartbeat, surrounded by a pool of blood. It would be no big deal right? You’d shrug and clean up the blood with a smile on your face as you hum your favourite song that’s been in your head for the past couple days. No. you’d cry and clutch her lifeless body in your arms and cry. Cry, and cry and cry. You’d think it was your fault and a million thoughts would go through your mind. Why would she do this? Is it my fault? Why didn’t she tell me she was depressed? Why didn’t I stop her? How couldn’t I have known? But she was thinking the same thing you were as a child. You know, that nobody would care?

So before you slit your wrist, or swallow all those pills, or hang that rope about your neck and jump from the chair, think twice. Take a deep breath. You’re worth more then this. Nobody should have to think that taking their life is the best thing to do. Anything you’re going through is temporary; the feeling won’t last forever. You’ll get through this. No matter how long it takes you need to know, you will get through this, and you don’t have to face it alone. There are so many people you can talk to. Family, friends, neighbours, teachers, counsellors, hotlines, me, etc. I’m only a sixteen-year-old boy, I don’t know everything, and I don’t even really give good advice. But I will be here for you, no matter what. I will try my absolute hardest to help you. So please; do not ever, EVER, write that letter, or even think about suicide. Life is full of ups and downs for a reason. It makes us stronger, shows us what we can get through. It builds and shapes up into the next generation of parents, grandparents even. You might not see the light at the end of the tunnel yet, but I promise its there. You just have to keep walking towards it. You’ll be okay, I promise you. Instagram _jackoliver123
 
weedoge

weedoge

Banned
Jul 12, 2018
1,528
This makes me so angry. I'm not going to keep living for the sake of guilt, I've told myself this so many fucking times.

It's easy to post something online but if you can't come and tell me to my face "I don't want you to die" then why should I give a shit. Talk to me, I'll explain my reasons, I won't even pretend or life. but nobody even will approach me.

I won't cry a single tear on the night I die, this post makes me stupidly angry.
 
weedoge

weedoge

Banned
Jul 12, 2018
1,528
The other day my sister was talking about me getting a job and stupidly I'm pretty despondant with her and for once I admit and say, nah I don't want a job, I don't want to work. And she's like "why don't you want to work? it's because you're lazy isn't it?" and I just respond with "yes."]

Fuck this world.

Fuck this idea of keeping people alive with guilt. it's worse than platitudes.
 
anna

anna

downfall
Mar 18, 2018
441
and I hate myself for it, don't have anything really substantial to say but my sister shared this guilt trip as fuck post on facebook, sort of implying people who are seriously suicidal don't go through this guilt through their own thoughts anyway...

makes me wanna go and slap her in the face and say DO YOU GET IT? DO YOU REALLY GET WHAT IT MEANS TO WANT TO NOT EXIST? Because I know she doesn't. She's told me she loves life. She can't understand.

I'm sorry, this is hard ...
It is difficult for many people to try to understand how we can really feel ...
And even more accept the idea of losing someone they love (I can not blame them for that)
While suicide remains a taboo subject, things will not change
 
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akosineenee

akosineenee

Invisible idiot
Aug 22, 2018
224
I can't even finish reading that FB post. It's infuriating. Guilt trips are the worst. It's pure manipulation. Back in high school after one or two failed attempts people asked me if I really wanted to die. It was dismissive and invalidating.
 
No Future

No Future

No One
Aug 6, 2018
96
OK.

First of all - fuck that pro-life copypasta. It's laughably bad, and shouldn't be taken seriously.

Second of all - your sister is a bitch.

If her way of caring is to dismiss you, whilst passive aggressively addressing your issues with a dumb, fictional story, then her opinion isn't worth half a damn. She doesn't empathize, otherwise she'd of actually tried something. What she did was lazy, selfish and incredibly transparent.

I am sorry you're experiencing this level of discomfort in your own home. It's unfair, but try and rise above it. Disregard her or anyone that flippantly assigns their own perspective to yours. That's what shallow, selfish dummies do.

Your choice is your own. The implications are tough, but ultimately that'll always be true.

Never allow people to manipulate you into remaining miserable for their own comfort, especially if they're only supplementing said misery. Do not let guilt force you to conform to the whims and wishes of ignorant dummies. They lack perspective.

YOU
know what's going on, and it doesn't matter how irrational it might appear to outsiders, it's still entirely valid, and should be treated seriously. Disregard her opinions, they're not worth a stale bag of shit.
 
weedoge

weedoge

Banned
Jul 12, 2018
1,528
when my sister tried to talk abut killing her self @ 14-15 my father loaded his pistol and put it on the table in front of her........and "said shut the fuck up and do it."
I'm so sorry, I don't understand people at all what the fuck.

I can't even finish reading that FB post. It's infuriating. Guilt trips are the worst. It's pure manipulation. Back in high school after one or two failed attempts people asked me if I really wanted to die. It was dismissive and invalidating.
Yeah, the invalidating part is what is the worst. The post seems to suggest I haven't spent the best part of this year vividly imagining what might happen after I'm gone and dealing with constant gut wrenching anxiety over it. and even after I'm gone they'll be all "woe is me" and probably call me selfish cus u know.

I just feel guilty and on edge and paranoid now. I want to cry over it because if I could truly express myself to them... fuck kkkk k k ksfdjkdfsdsffgdfgijdgf

OK.

First of all - fuck that pro-life copypasta. It's laughably bad, and shouldn't be taken seriously.

Second of all - your sister is a bitch.

If her way of caring is to dismiss you, whilst passive aggressively addressing your issues with a dumb, fictional story, then her opinion isn't worth half a damn. She doesn't empathize, otherwise she'd of actually tried something. What she did was lazy, selfish and incredibly transparent.

I am sorry you're experiencing this level of discomfort in your own home. It's unfair, but try and rise above it. Disregard her or anyone that flippantly assigns their own perspective to yours. That's what shallow, selfish dummies do.

Your choice is your own. The implications are tough, but ultimately that'll always be true.

Never allow people to manipulate you into remaining miserable for their own comfort, especially if they're only supplementing said misery. Do not let guilt force you to conform to the whims and wishes of ignorant dummies. They lack perspective.

YOU
know what's going on, and it doesn't matter how irrational it might appear to outsiders, it's still entirely valid, and should be treated seriously. Disregard her opinions, they're not worth a stale bag of shit.
Thank you for this response, I really needed it.

Best I can do is disconnect myself from this shit because it's all I'll ever see if I allow myself to or let people know my intentions and I just can't deal.

My last psych ward stay was coming up for a year and a half ago now and I distinctly remember my mum telling me "I can see you now, graduating in 2 or 3 years time... bla bla bla bla" and I remember sobbing there and being like... "really?... nah...." and she was rlly encouraging. It's easy to spin positive bs when someone is at that point but lol no effort is made. I'm glad, because I don't want to be complacent or lie to myself but god damn it's so glaringly obvious how this world works and I hate it.
 
RM5998

RM5998

Sack of Meat
Sep 3, 2018
2,206
Well, thanks for a brain-numbing copypasta. Who do I need to sue for the irreparable damage to my sanity

Who am I kidding, I already knew this was possible - no, probable, considering what people are like.

And no, @weedoge, they don't know that you're going to kill yourself. All they know is that there's a chance, and they think of it in the same distant terms they think of the post they put up - distant and unreal. Your plans are much more concrete, and they will try to rob your right to choose for yourself because they are incapable of contextualizing your thought patterns. Don't let them.

Good luck.
 
RM5998

RM5998

Sack of Meat
Sep 3, 2018
2,206
I get the feeling like there's some sweater wearing, all Christian, do gooder, pro lifer sitting in his/her study just pumping out these little stories all day?

*No disrespect to religious people.
*edited for grammar

Well, the world has water-tasting competitions, so that in comparison seems pretty normal.
 
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Clover

Clover

Experienced
Aug 23, 2018
270
Wow caustic-cardinals I've seen a few posts about your father now and each one gets worse. That is terrible. :(
 
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