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AnnihilatedAnna

AnnihilatedAnna

A Joke
Apr 17, 2018
1,346
This is commen I guess, getting a little better and the spiraling down all over again. Or maybe I just created the illusion that is was getting a little better, I didn’t even notice until I fell down again. My first day of school was last week, summer break is over. I had this class, I don’t even remember what it was but I felt like I was suffocating. We had barely started, i mean what the hell is this? I breakdown constantly again. It’s quite annoying actually. I feel like everybody expects things from me and I expect thing fro my self I have these standards I expect nobody to live up to but my self. I hold the bar high for myself because I don’t want to end up like my parents I think.

I need everything to stop because I can’t handle all of this anymore. I need it to end. Dying seems like a good idea but I don’t want to disappoint anyone. I know some people need me and some people actually like me but I don’t understand why. I know my dad loves me but he doesn’t really show it. I need him but every time I need him he lets me down. I don’t know if that’s because I set the standard too high or that it’s just me. I’m just tired of trying and tired of life.
 
Tiburcio

Tiburcio

Voluntary deletion.
May 9, 2018
1,573
I understand it perfectly. Everybody impised me their expectations... One day I sent them all to fuck off, my parents incluided. Death seems the best escape possible to this which is terrible.

I still remember when I was 14 and wanted to die so badly. Everything got worse, and worse, and worse... I'm just tired of this shit fight.
 
weedoge

weedoge

Banned
Jul 12, 2018
1,528
This is commen I guess, getting a little better and the spiraling down all over again. Or maybe I just created the illusion that is was getting a little better, I didn’t even notice until I fell down again. My first day of school was last week, summer break is over. I had this class, I don’t even remember what it was but I felt like I was suffocating. We had barely started, i mean what the hell is this? I breakdown constantly again. It’s quite annoying actually. I feel like everybody expects things from me and I expect thing fro my self I have these standards I expect nobody to live up to but my self. I hold the bar high for myself because I don’t want to end up like my parents I think.

I need everything to stop because I can’t handle all of this anymore. I need it to end. Dying seems like a good idea but I don’t want to disappoint anyone. I know some people need me and some people actually like me but I don’t understand why. I know my dad loves me but he doesn’t really show it. I need him but every time I need him he lets me down. I don’t know if that’s because I set the standard too high or that it’s just me. I’m just tired of trying and tired of life.
I know some people will hate me for this but you're so so young, it's not a question of being 17 or 18 in a grey area, your brain is not even halfway developed yet at 14. I recall how I was feeling at that age, despite ending up where I am now. Thoughts of death running through my mind but I don't think I was able to even comprehend it then. I don't think I could responsibly give you methods but this is also a place for emotional support. You sound pretty unsure of yourself and would you ever consider visiting a different forum? Something where people could be more equipped to supporting you through this?

You're always welcome here to vent or ask advice on anything at all, no matter what you choose to do please think it through carefully and if you're willing to reach out elsewhere I could drop you some links via pm or something. I think it'd irresponsible of anybody here to provide methods.. that's my piece.