Ashpac

Ashpac

Lost and always will be.
Jul 22, 2018
797
Wrote my good byes out to my mother only. Got my 5 cans of lager since thats all was in. Ive pretty much tied up my loose ends. I have no choice through money plus 15 years of pain so that helps. Im watching the Arsenal match and hopefully my team can win before I do partial hanging when the match finishes. Thanks to the good people I chatted with on here which includes PM's. Good luck to you all in this life and the next.
 
Last edited:
Anarchy

Anarchy

Invisible anarchist
Jul 9, 2018
384
I can only imagine. I'm an athiest but the closer to death I get, the more I make myself believe that reincarnation exists.
How does it feel to be so near death? I'd imagine that it would be somewhat peaceful, knowing that the suffering will end soon.
 
Ashpac

Ashpac

Lost and always will be.
Jul 22, 2018
797
Ive been studying life after death for 3 years now, listening and watching all the videos out there. Im at peace knowing there is something after when we die. Ive come to the conclusion we have many lives as the soul likes to come back to this world to learn lessons. Me personally, im not coming back to this world again unless im born into a footballers family so that I can hopefully be one since i was so good at it in this lifetime I just didnt make it. One can only hope eh. When you trying yours?
 
  • Like
Reactions: RealMe
Anarchy

Anarchy

Invisible anarchist
Jul 9, 2018
384
Sounds good. Personally, I'd want to live my exact life over again so that I'd be able to make things go as they should have. I believe in souls and fate, just hoping that it's true.
I'll be trying mine sometime this month, I imagine.
 
Ashpac

Ashpac

Lost and always will be.
Jul 22, 2018
797
Im on a schedule sadly. I wont be able to try it later on tonight. I must do it soon. I have this nagging voice or thought in my head saying wait, your life will turn around. I need to ignore this thought. Im sure many of you's will get this when you go for it.
 
  • Like
Reactions: RealMe
Ashpac

Ashpac

Lost and always will be.
Jul 22, 2018
797
Sounds good. Personally, I'd want to live my exact life over again so that I'd be able to make things go as they should have. I believe in souls and fate, just hoping that it's true.
I'll be trying mine sometime this month, I imagine.

I think we believe in the same thing then with the souls and fate thing. Some souls are meant to suffer so that in their next life they can do things differently or learn what happyness feels like.
 
Anarchy

Anarchy

Invisible anarchist
Jul 9, 2018
384
Yep, I bet almost everyone will. I'm hoping that years of experiencing suffering without change will help me to override that thought.
How come you're on schedule?
 
Ashpac

Ashpac

Lost and always will be.
Jul 22, 2018
797
because if im successful i have someone coming into check on me at 10.30pm tonight. So i have plenty of time to play with.
ive tried it twice, i get this pressure in my head and cant breathe. it really does feel uncomfortable tbh.
 
Anarchy

Anarchy

Invisible anarchist
Jul 9, 2018
384
I sometimes think that I'll be reincarnated until the total number of years I've lived is equal to that of average life expectancy. I think that people who die by suicide are most likely to get reincarnated, because their lives are unfinished.
But then sometimes I think that maybe suicide is the end, and that I've already been reincarnated before and suicide is the last life, where you make a concious decision to end the cycle.
 
Anarchy

Anarchy

Invisible anarchist
Jul 9, 2018
384
Sucks that you don't have much of a choice, but maybe it's a good thing, to get you into action?
Good thing you have lots of time, though. I'd hate to not have the time to refelct on mh life when I'm dying.
 
Ashpac

Ashpac

Lost and always will be.
Jul 22, 2018
797
For me, I think im a new spirit who has alot to learn so I know this isnt the end. I think when you commit suicide you will choose to come back because you will be disappointed in yourself since when youre on the other side you see things from a different perspective. Since theres nothing but love over there and growth. Where as its nothing but shit and pain here.
 
Anarchy

Anarchy

Invisible anarchist
Jul 9, 2018
384
Well, I hope that you come back. I often think that I'm a new spirit too as so many things have gone wrong, and if I had lived other lives, I surely would have made less mistakes. I feel like this life is to just to know what my life should be like and to know what not to do, and that my next life will be a chance to make things as they should be.
 
BlackDragonof1989

BlackDragonof1989

Mage
Jul 12, 2018
526
For me, I think im a new spirit who has alot to learn so I know this isnt the end. I think when you commit suicide you will choose to come back because you will be disappointed in yourself since when youre on the other side you see things from a different perspective. Since theres nothing but love over there and growth. Where as its nothing but shit and pain here.

That was beautifully stated. I hope so indeed.

Best wishes to you.

Well, I hope that you come back. I often think that I'm a new spirit too as so many things have gone wrong, and if I had lived other lives, I surely would have made less mistakes. I feel like this life is to just to know what my life should be like and to know what not to do, and that my next life will be a chance to make things as they should be.

I hope so too. Well said.
 
Ashpac

Ashpac

Lost and always will be.
Jul 22, 2018
797
Well, I hope that you come back. I often think that I'm a new spirit too as so many things have gone wrong, and if I had lived other lives, I surely would have made less mistakes. I feel like this life is to just to know what my life should be like and to know what not to do, and that my next life will be a chance to make things as they should be.

I agree completely. I hope you get the chance to come back and get what you want in the next life :)
 
BlackDragonof1989

BlackDragonof1989

Mage
Jul 12, 2018
526
For me, I think im a new spirit who has alot to learn so I know this isnt the end. I think when you commit suicide you will choose to come back because you will be disappointed in yourself since when youre on the other side you see things from a different perspective. Since theres nothing but love over there and growth. Where as its nothing but shit and pain here.
Thanks. Best of luck to you in life what ever you wanna do :)

Thank you, I still haven't made my mind up, just one day at a time for now. Things aren't too bad for me, yet lol. As a song someone posted on here goes, "It gets worse." Well in many ways I think it will, I don't know, guess my optimism bias will keep me alive one more day unless someone kills meh/random accident xD
 
  • Like
Reactions: RealMe
Ashpac

Ashpac

Lost and always will be.
Jul 22, 2018
797
Thank you, I still haven't made my mind up, just one day at a time for now. Things aren't too bad for me, yet lol. As a song someone posted on here goes, "It gets worse." Well in many ways I think it will, I don't know, guess my optimism bias will keep me alive one more day unless someone kills meh/random accident xD

My optimism kept me alive alot longer than I should have stayed here for. I hope it gets better for you. Maybe you werent meant to commit suicide in this life, who knows. Stay alive and learn your lessons, but for me and millions of other people, our life was meant to be miserable so that we could choose to die and go back home :)
 
Ashpac

Ashpac

Lost and always will be.
Jul 22, 2018
797
I hope it goes well for well and that your last moments on this Earth are some of the better ones. I'm agnostic/atheist too but the closer death gets the more it makes you wonder.

From what Ive learned, you will get a massive shock when you die, I mean that in a pleasant way. You will see there is something and not nothing :) and its alot more beautiful than this place.
 
BlackDragonof1989

BlackDragonof1989

Mage
Jul 12, 2018
526
My optimism kept me alive alot longer than I should have stayed here for. I hope it gets better for you. Maybe you werent meant to commit suicide in this life, who knows. Stay alive and learn your lessons, but for me and millions of other people, our life was meant to be miserable so that we could choose to die and go back home :)

I see, well I'm glad to have been able to meet such an articulate and thoughtful person as you seem to be. Thank you, I hope so too, despite my guilt feelings if it does, though, if it would on the condition that those I harmed will be okay, then I can accept it I suppose. Thank you, I will try <3 Oh, it makes me sad, but happy too. Maybe you were or are a poet. It's beautiful, so many things I've read in this forum so far, however sad and painful too, there is always a lot of insight and beauty.
 
Ashpac

Ashpac

Lost and always will be.
Jul 22, 2018
797
I see, well I'm glad to have been able to meet such an articulate and thoughtful person as you seem to be. Thank you, I hope so too, despite my guilt feelings if it does, though, if it would on the condition that those I harmed will be okay, then I can accept it I suppose. Thank you, I will try <3 Oh, it makes me sad, but happy too. Maybe you were or are a poet. It's beautiful, so many things I've read in this forum so far, however sad and painful too, there is always a lot of insight and beauty.

People say I can write things in different ways sometimes, I used to write quotes all the time to help get my pain out without telling my family what I had been through. I used to write quotes all the time on facebook and everyone used to copy or share them and say ''sorry im stealing this from you Ashpac'' obviously they said my real name but Ashpac is my rap name hence why I use it on here.
 
Ashpac

Ashpac

Lost and always will be.
Jul 22, 2018
797
I plan to go out with this song playing .. The one and only Zack Hemsey .. The build up is tremendous. The song plays so many thoughts in peoples minds including my own. It can play out so many different scenarios. Im sure some of you will know it.

 
Zanexx

Zanexx

Dead
Jul 15, 2018
190
I feel like it would be interesting if someone was to compile a book containing some of the last thoughts of people here - there seems to be a correlation between people who are suicidal in the thought-out, non-impulsive sense and those who are poetic and insightful.
 
Ashpac

Ashpac

Lost and always will be.
Jul 22, 2018
797
I feel like it would be interesting if someone was to compile a book containing some of the last thoughts of people here - there seems to be a correlation between people who are suicidal in the thought-out, non-impulsive sense and those who are poetic and insightful.

That seems interesting. Was that meant by me and other people on the forum who are planning to leave or have planned to leave and failed maybe?
 
  • Like
Reactions: BlackDragonof1989
BlackDragonof1989

BlackDragonof1989

Mage
Jul 12, 2018
526
I'm sorry but between this song you shared, and all the insights from everyone in this thread, heartbreaking as they may be, I just would like to send you all a virtual hug. I feel so at home here, it's like a rock bottom spot that no one can touch me on, at least mentally. It's like light is filtering through the shared pain of all of us, thanks to those so close to the edge of the knife so to speak. I'm not even on DXM right now lol, sober from it for three days, it's like I'm picking up these energies from you all, or maybe I'm just mildly psychotic and manic. But gah, preach guys, preach <3
 
Zanexx

Zanexx

Dead
Jul 15, 2018
190
I plan to go out with this song playing .. The one and only Zack Hemsey .. The build up is tremendous. The song plays so many thoughts in peoples minds including my own. It can play out so many different scenarios. Im sure some of you will know it.



I have a few songs that I have intended to listen to during my last moments at different points - my current go-to song (or piece of music, rather) you can find on YouTube as Super - Aftermath and Resolution, it's from a (in my opinion) very good film and is sort of haunting.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Ashpac