Mecha Man

Jul 16, 2018
Long story made extremely short...

My brother, high on opiates, tells me his shotgun is available to me if I feel like killing myself ever. Demonstrates how to use it.

I come in the next day while he's there and try to take it, and he get's all freaked out and says, "not while I'm here!!" I apologize and leave. He tells my dad about the whole thing and we all have a long annoying conversation.

I go back in the next day while my brother's at work just to fool around with the gun and make sure I still know how to operate it. I find out the box is locked. I get very upset because my brother locked away the gun he said I could use.

I talk to my brother today, and ask him about it, and he says he locked the box simply because Dad told him to, no reason other than that.

I feel like, logically, my dad doing that made absolutely perfect sense. But for some reason I'm still mad about it. I was just coming to the resolution that I was going to live just because everyone keeps making me feel like I'm so precious and important to them. Now, at this particular moment, I feel angry, like I wish I could find a way to kill myself just out of spite. I was already suicidal anyway. Now I'm suicidal and angry. I probably won't do anything, I don't know. I just had to post here because this is my only sanctuary now. I wish I could cry. I hate hate hate hate hate hate hate my life!


Jul 10, 2018
This shows so well the emotional instability that makes also my life ever more hellish. Borderline therapy was not very successful with me.


Aug 28, 2018
Strange that your brother dangled an option like that in front of you, only to betray your trust to your dad when he sobered up again. Maybe he just wasn’t thinking straight from the drugs. Still, I’m sorry man. Not cool.
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