Tiburcio

Tiburcio

Voluntary deletion.
May 9, 2018
1,573
I think the title is descriptive enough but I will explain it anyway.

I'm seeing a lot of people who feel bad for their parents when they die, something I'm completely unabled to understand.

The reason I should love my parents is they gave me life but this isn't even a reason. Another reason is they dud a lot of effort for keeping me going. Well, what if I just don't want to keep going? I'm received here in a fucked up world like this, they were conscient of how I will suffer if I want to survive and should I be grateful because they worked a lot for keeping me?

Directly why is it good? Over this circunstances isn't it better DON'T bringing him here?

Somebody will say I'm cruel due to my bad wishes and my hate against them. Am I crazy? Judge me.

I had depression for so many years and they """""""""""tried""""""""""" to help me with toxic shit. They brought me here with the only purpose of feeling despair all the fucking day as every person in the world does. And they justify it.

I remember a horrible childhood, I was hyperactive, my behaviour was very tiring for them so they hit me. ALL THE FUCKING DAY RECEIVING VIOLENCE AND PUNISHMENT. This is a very good representation of how things work:

They bring you here against your will (and yes, this is a fucking good reason enough for justifying my thoughts). They domain and repress you. AND AFTER ALL IT THE SONS ARE THE BAD GUYS???

You people shouldn't feel guilt for them because in one or other way the only responsibles of all this pain is theirs.

They made me feel extremely powerless and their behaviour made me the very furious guy I'm today. Some people react to this with guilt or fear but they now respect me because as I kept growing my aggresivity did it too. Now they fear me. Not enough for stop attacking me constantly but I defend myself. The last day I almost got in a fight with my parent. I had to fastly go out of my house for no breaking his jaw. I can say they are my worst enemies and the persons I more hate in the world.

You can call me all, delete this post, blame me but at this point I haven't any positive feeling for my parents. And you guys shouldn't have it neither because you have no reasons.

Your choices are more important that their wishes. If you want to kill yourself, you should be able to kill yourself because bringing somebody to life is miserable but forcing you to live is directly criminal.

I'm very nervous and angry in this moment. Maybe you noticed some aggresive words but it wasn't my intention, I'm just shaking too much for writting better.
 
Last edited:
M

millefeui

-
Mar 31, 2018
1,036
I am one of the people slightly worried about parents.

I feel bad for my mother and for an aunt. My mother had me for very selfish reasons, but she still cares about me, almost 28 years after she gave birth to me, even though I am borderline useless and dysfunctional in so, so many levels. She will be broken when I die, and I hope she finds the strength to keep pushing forward.

My aunt is pretty much a second mother to me, or a grandmother. She supports me in almost everything and... I actually fear she might die when I kill myself, considering her age (nearing her 70s) and her health. I hope not.

My father is a jackass who abandoned her first daughter, and never cared about me (even if he did, he never showed it with words or actions). Honestly, he will probably forget me after some time (unlikely, but I wouldn't be surprised) or maybe he will finally realize how bad of a father he was (also unlikely, but maybe he could look for my sister after I die, which would be nice).

And then there is my brother. He says I am more of a mother to him than our own mother... Yeah... I hope he finds a way to cope with my death. He started crying when I told him I wanted to die.
 
M

Maggotymaggots

-
Apr 18, 2018
54
I'm sorry. That's a really shitty situation to be in. Your parents sound like they're straight-up abusive. I don't think it's at all unreasonable to hate parents like that.

I've never been very close with my parents, but I'm lucky in that they've never been abusive towards me. I don't want to hurt them. I don't want to hurt anyone. I'm just not cut out for life, though, and as selfish as it might be, I feel I have put myself first. No one else is going to. I hate that I even have to make this choice.

I agree that no one owes their parents anything. Especially for being given the "gift" of life. If it's really a gift, why do people act as if it's a debt you need to repay?
 
Tiburcio

Tiburcio

Voluntary deletion.
May 9, 2018
1,573
I'm sorry. That's a really shitty situation to be in. Your parents sound like they're straight-up abusive. I don't think it's at all unreasonable to hate parents like that.

I've never been very close with my parents, but I'm lucky in that they've never been abusive towards me. I don't want to hurt them. I don't want to hurt anyone. I'm just not cut out for life, though, and as selfish as it might be, I feel I have put myself first. No one else is going to. I hate that I even have to make this choice.

I agree that no one owes their parents anything. Especially for being given the "gift" of life. If it's really a gift, why do people act as if it's a debt you need to repay?
I wish you never have to experience how fucked is having so stupid parents, victims of their pride, completely mindless and who only knows the language of violence.
I agree that no one owes their parents anything. Especially for being given the "gift" of life. If it's really a gift, why do people act as if it's a debt you need to repay?
I agree with everything you said here, specially with the last paragraph. I think you expressed it very well.
 
FTL.Wanderer

FTL.Wanderer

Enlightened
May 31, 2018
1,791
I'm seeing a lot of people who feel bad for their parents when they die, something I'm completely unabled to understand.

The reason I should love my parents is they gave me life but this isn't even a reason. Another reason is they dud a lot of effort for keeping me going. Well, what if I just don't want to keep going? I'm received here in a fucked up world like this, they were conscient of how I will suffer if I want to survive and should I be grateful because they worked a lot for keeping me?

Directly why is it good? Over this circunstances isn't it better DON'T bringung him here?

Somebody will say I'm cruel due to my bad wishes and my hate against them. Am I crazy? Judge me.


I've only had one person who cared about me in my entire life--my mom. And she died when I was in college. Since then, I've never failed to notice how to every other human being I've ever met I'm at best a resource--a source of money or written support (recommendations...) or thing to use in some other way. Either that or I'm like a mangy street dog people just want away from them. So I've always worshipped my mom. But the pain of the years has been so extreme, and worsening every year, that this past year, for the first time, I began resenting even my mom for having brought me into existence without the wisdom or resources to care for me--and then leaving JUST as I was becoming an adult and, for sanity purposes, really needed someone to talk with and do things with.

I've argued for a while now that reproduction should NOT be a matter of free will. I can understand your resentment. I wish I had a solution. But I can offer empathy.
 
Tiburcio

Tiburcio

Voluntary deletion.
May 9, 2018
1,573
I've only had one person who cared about me in my entire life--my mom. And she died when I was in college. Since then, I've never failed to notice how to every other human being I've ever met I'm at best a resource--a source of money or written support (recommendations...) or thing to use in some other way. Either that or I'm like a mangy street dog people just want away from them. So I've always worshipped my mom. But the pain of the years has been so extreme, and worsening every year, that this past year, for the first time, I began resenting even my mom for having brought me into existence without the wisdom or resources to care for me--and then leaving JUST as I was becoming an adult and, for sanity purposes, really needed someone to talk with and do things with.

I've argued for a while now that reproduction should NOT be a matter of free will. I can understand your resentment. I wish I had a solution. But I can offer empathy.
I wish I could make you feel better too.

People's empathy is by now the only thing that calms me down. I really appreciate your good intentions, thank you.

I feel very good where I can expose my feelings and talk with so empathetic minds.
 
FTL.Wanderer

FTL.Wanderer

Enlightened
May 31, 2018
1,791
I wish I could make you feel better too.

People's empathy is by now the only thing that calms me down. I really appreciate your good intentions, thank you.

I feel very good where I can expose my feelings and talk with so empathetic minds.


I've noticed you on several of the boards on this site. You remind me of myself--as much as you can get an impression for someone in a few lines here and there. Like you said, the only thing that "calms me down," is sharing equally with someone else who is empathetic, who gets it. I had that a few times when I was in college--or it seemed like that. But then people "grow up" and adopt the standard life perspective of the-purpose-of-life-is-to-consume-and-get-as-many-toys-as-possible. And people like me, at least, become the losers because we cannot adapt to that global life value.

Anyway, I think I get where you're coming from. And I'd really like to talk. So if you're ever up for chatting, PM me. Peace to you, man.
 
Tiburcio

Tiburcio

Voluntary deletion.
May 9, 2018
1,573
I've noticed you on several of the boards on this site. You remind me of myself--as much as you can get an impression for someone in a few lines here and there. Like you said, the only thing that "calms me down," is sharing equally with someone else who is empathetic, who gets it. I had that a few times when I was in college--or it seemed like that. But then people "grow up" and adopt the standard life perspective of the-purpose-of-life-is-to-consume-and-get-as-many-toys-as-possible. And people like me, at least, become the losers because we cannot adapt to that global life value.

Anyway, I think I get where you're coming from. And I'd really like to talk. So if you're ever up for chatting, PM me. Peace to you, man.
If everything fails and I live more time than I previewed, surely I will message you. I think we will enjoy our talking.
 
L

Life sucks

Enlightened
Apr 18, 2018
1,873
I completely understand you as I share many similarities and the family thing (small and extended) is one of the many reasons to ctb for me.

Yes I hate/dislike them but I generally don't like to hurt other people so I avoid them to avoid fights or negative talking or atmosphere. It doesnt matter if I hate them or not, I'm a peaceful person but the fucking stupid world and people are asses who just try to abuse and push one to the limits then nobody will fucking blame them but blaming the one who stayed peacefully and patiently only to receive negativity and abuse from them.

Also despite hating them, the scene of them aging and dying is ugly (same as everything else and how everything ends). I don't discriminate or have double standards and thats why. I don't want to see them die or hurt them despite what they did to me. I can interact with them then fight or even kill them because of negativity but why doing that? Everything will end anyway and better to not make the world worse and spread suffering. Fuck them yes but I'm leaving them alone as they are leaving me alone. No need for clashing

As for my solution, isolation from everyone including them. Thats the real solution for cutting toxicity and getting away from toxic humans. I'm glad being hikikomori, now the only missing step is to ctb
 
Aponia & Ataraxia

Aponia & Ataraxia

Experienced
Jun 24, 2018
235
Scenarios like that sound too familiar, my friend. I know exactly what you're talking about. Every instance of pain and grievances, is intrinsically bad and ultimately pointless (again, this doesn't dismiss the negligent misdeeds of the other apes). This is not to dismiss their indecency/appalling behavior, but to offer some inner peace/space away from these bad experiences

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Philosophical_presentism

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Growing_block_universe : "For instance, Forrest (2004) argues that although there exists a past, it is lifeless and inactive."
 
Threads

Threads

Warlock
Jul 13, 2018
724
My dad was too destroyed by my mother to do anything to protect me. When he eventually did recover, the abuse was already happening, and I was already severely damaged. My dad played an integral part of my development and life from 13 - now. Without him, I would have succeeded in taking my life when I was 14.

As long as he is alive, I will also continue to live, and appear to be thriving and succeeding.
 
K

KCN

El revisionismo en castillano
Jul 16, 2018
230
Parents always end up deforming the psyche of their children, whether they turn out to be 'good' or 'bad', if those distinctions make actual sense. Please take your time to figure out how to get in touch with the real yourself, nobody deserves to feel this way
 
FTL.Wanderer

FTL.Wanderer

Enlightened
May 31, 2018
1,791
I'm a peaceful person but the fucking stupid world and people are asses who just try to abuse and push one to the limits then nobody will fucking blame them but blaming the one who stayed peacefully and patiently only to receive negativity and abuse from them. ... As for my solution, isolation from everyone including them. Thats the real solution for cutting toxicity and getting away from toxic humans. I'm glad being hikikomori, now the only missing step is to ctb

Very, very, very, very, ... very, very much agree.
 
Tiburcio

Tiburcio

Voluntary deletion.
May 9, 2018
1,573
I don't want to harm anyone either. I had an axcellent upbringing.

But my parents created a human being, without ever considering the ramifcations or terrible possiblilties. And in time, they will suffer the consequences of their actions.
I completely agree... Mines are already suffering from it. This house is like a jungle.
 
Gray Wounds

Gray Wounds

A Phantasmagoria
Jun 27, 2018
513
I don't worry about them at all, they can just get a new human being to take care of
 
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C

creatureoflight

Mage
Jul 27, 2018
531
I'm very worried by my parents-both of them are very sweet and have been pretty much nothing but nice to me. Sometimes, I wish they would be horrible to me so it would be easier for me to leave them. (I know that is really messed up.) They are getting on in years (61 and 65) and actually they are my main reason NOT to kill myself. I can't bear the thought of leaving them and then no one will take care of them when they are old.
 
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VioletUV

VioletUV

Member
Mar 30, 2018
24
when i think about it, i initially feel worried for them, since they aren't exactly emotionally well too. but then when i think about it again, i just say whatever because they were both capable of making life less shitty for our family. but they were both too stubborn. fought too often. when i was a kid, they tried to kill each other in front of me and my siblings. i was a kid then. and the eldest. i still remember my siblings screaming and scared as my parents forced us to pick sides. we did not.

honestly it wouldn't matter. when we die, human emotions will be gone. the living can decide on what they wanna do with their lives. my parents will move on. they will force themselves like they always have with other family deaths.
 
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FTL.Wanderer

FTL.Wanderer

Enlightened
May 31, 2018
1,791
But my parents created a human being, without ever considering the ramifcations or terrible possiblilties. And in time, they will suffer the consequences of their actions.

Loved this. I'm going to start thinking of suffering old people (who had children) this way, too. Their suffering is the price they pay for the crime of forcing consciousness (and therefore suffering) on other beings. Thanks!
 
C

creatureoflight

Mage
Jul 27, 2018
531
Loved this. I'm going to start thinking of suffering old people (who had children) this way, too. Their suffering is the price they pay for the crime of forcing consciousness (and therefore suffering) on other beings. Thanks!

they didn't do it intentionally. That's a mean way of thinking. Obviously if both of the parents were horribly disfigured and had kids anyway, okay, you never know what your kids are going to be like before you have them. Terrible things can happen but good ones can happen too.
Unfortunately we are the ones who have crappy lives and want to die.
 
FTL.Wanderer

FTL.Wanderer

Enlightened
May 31, 2018
1,791
they didn't do it intentionally.

I honestly respect that people have different feelings on this matter. Here of all places, I try hard not to debate--this should be (at least I think) a sanctuary, a safe-space. So please excuse me expressing a different perspective.

On reproduction, I feel very strongly. While there are suffering children without people to care for them or care well for them, while the rest of the planet is literally dying or going extinct due to human activity, while nearly every adult knows how tough life is, and while we're all aware of how pitiless our governments and powerful institutions often are, I can't forgive humans for forcing consciousness on others--especially since so very, very many humans remain opposed to state-sanctioned compassionate and affordable euthanasia. At the very least, if humans insist on the freedom to impose life-and-suffering on other beings, they should then insist those beings be free to opt out of life if/when things become unbearable. The situation as it stands strikes me as unconscionably hellish.

Again, I mean no offense...
 
C

creatureoflight

Mage
Jul 27, 2018
531
I honestly respect that people have different feelings on this matter. Here of all places, I try hard not to debate--this should be (at least I think) a sanctuary, a safe-space. So please excuse me expressing a different perspective.

On reproduction, I feel very strongly. While there are suffering children without people to care for them or care well for them, while the rest of the planet is literally dying or going extinct due to human activity, while nearly every adult knows how tough life is, and while we're all aware of how pitiless our governments and powerful institutions often are, I can't forgive humans for forcing consciousness on others--especially since so very, very many humans remain opposed to state-sanctioned compassionate and affordable euthanasia. At the very least, if humans insist on the freedom to impose life-and-suffering on other beings, they should then insist those beings be free to opt out of life if/when things become unbearable. The situation as it stands strikes me as unconscionably hellish.

Again, I mean no offense...

I think differently, but now that you explain it, I can understand that you see life that way and it seems a logical viewpoint.
Sorry-I also didn't want to offend you!
 
LoverofDeath

LoverofDeath

-
Aug 11, 2018
91
I think the title is descriptive enough but I will explain it anyway.

I'm seeing a lot of people who feel bad for their parents when they die, something I'm completely unabled to understand.

The reason I should love my parents is they gave me life but this isn't even a reason. Another reason is they dud a lot of effort for keeping me going. Well, what if I just don't want to keep going? I'm received here in a fucked up world like this, they were conscient of how I will suffer if I want to survive and should I be grateful because they worked a lot for keeping me?

Directly why is it good? Over this circunstances isn't it better DON'T bringing him here?

Somebody will say I'm cruel due to my bad wishes and my hate against them. Am I crazy? Judge me.

I had depression for so many years and they """""""""""tried""""""""""" to help me with toxic shit. They brought me here with the only purpose of feeling despair all the fucking day as every person in the world does. And they justify it.

I remember a horrible childhood, I was hyperactive, my behaviour was very tiring for them so they hit me. ALL THE FUCKING DAY RECEIVING VIOLENCE AND PUNISHMENT. This is a very good representation of how things work:

They bring you here against your will (and yes, this is a fucking good reason enough for justifying my thoughts). They domain and repress you. AND AFTER ALL IT THE SONS ARE THE BAD GUYS???

You people shouldn't feel guilt for them because in one or other way the only responsibles of all this pain is theirs.

They made me feel extremely powerless and their behaviour made me the very furious guy I'm today. Some people react to this with guilt or fear but they now respect me because as I kept growing my aggresivity did it too. Now they fear me. Not enough for stop attacking me constantly but I defend myself. The last day I almost got in a fight with my parent. I had to fastly go out of my house for no breaking his jaw. I can say they are my worst enemies and the persons I more hate in the world.

You can call me all, delete this post, blame me but at this point I haven't any positive feeling for my parents. And you guys shouldn't have it neither because you have no reasons.

Your choices are more important that their wishes. If you want to kill yourself, you should be able to kill yourself because bringing somebody to life is miserable but forcing you to live is directly criminal.

I'm very nervous and angry in this moment. Maybe you noticed some aggresive words but it wasn't my intention, I'm just shaking too much for writting better.

I understand where you're coming from 100%. I was physically abused my whole life. I loathe both my parents or are they even my parents? I don't even want to call them that. I honestly was born to the wrong family.
 
Tiburcio

Tiburcio

Voluntary deletion.
May 9, 2018
1,573
I understand where you're coming from 100%. I was physically abused my whole life. I loathe both my parents or are they even my parents? I don't even want to call them that. I honestly was born to the wrong family.
Thanks for sharing your experience.

I began to think I was the only one. I'm sorry of hear what that monsters did to you and I understand you perfectly as mines did the same.
 
O

okyeah

-
Jul 20, 2018
425
My parents never deserved to have a child. They can barely function as adults let alone raise someone else. My mother has paranoid schizophrenia and it has fucked me up in many ways. My dad is a narcissistic piece of shit and a pussy who never took an active role in raising me. I could care less about what happens to them when I'm living or dead.

I have no siblings or extended family contact. It's always just been me, myself, and I. My suicide is inevitable.
 
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Tiburcio

Tiburcio

Voluntary deletion.
May 9, 2018
1,573
My parents never deserved to have a child. They can barely function as adults let alone raise someone else. My mother has paranoid schizophrenia and it has fucked me up in many ways. My dad is a narcissistic piece of shit and a pussy who never took an active role in raising me. I could care less about what happens to them when I'm living or dead.

I have no siblings or extended family contact. It's always just been me, myself, and I. My suicide is inevitable.
Ohh man I feel you a lot
 

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