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zeroornothing

zeroornothing

Student
Joined
Jun 22, 2021
Messages
187
Suicidal ideation takes up most of my day that I dont have anything else other than looking up methods, being on the forum and chat with my pal about it. Is there anything in your life that gives you joy or make you forget about your suicide even for minutes at a time?
 
hotelbeneathground

hotelbeneathground

zzz
Joined
Apr 13, 2021
Messages
2,801
 
paulstrong

paulstrong

Arcanist
Joined
May 5, 2020
Messages
435
While it is difficult, I still try to make time for games, movies, music and the usual distractions that keeps me from obsessively thinking too much. When all that doesn't work I honestly go wild and keep wondering why I haven't been sent to one of those nut houses yet haha.
I also try to take 3 day breaks away to various places every other month. My house is not a true home anymore and I long to escape. I recently posted 'on here' my wish to die in a nice wee cottage in Edinburgh one day. I know I can't do this shit forever. So it isn't a matter of 'if' I will CTB but 'when' will I have the balls to go through with it. Meantime I will just keep distracting myself as much as I can. I am going to have a few drinks tomorrow to celebrate, sweet fuck all lol
 
W

Whole-Ad

Student
Joined
Apr 4, 2021
Messages
118
I used to be a massive gamer. Recently, I’ve came to the realisation that it was all a way of distraction, a way of distraction that no longer works. I’ve lost interest in all activities and hobbies I once had. But I do love my dog, she’s getting pretty old and once she passes, I don’t think there will be much left to hold me back. My mother is my world, and I’m sure I’m hers too, but I’m so sorry, this is my choice and my choice only, I can’t continue living for other people. I wish there was some way around this, but there really isn’t.
 
Bedrock48

Bedrock48

Experienced
Joined
Feb 1, 2021
Messages
293
Gaming and music for me. There's nothing better than a heavy metal concert to make you forget the world and have an amazing time. Sailing is similar but since I'm not a billionaire capitalist it's not a luxury I can indulge in often. I miss the sea.
 
FuneralCry

FuneralCry

Living dead girl
Joined
Sep 24, 2020
Messages
2,764
There is nothing that particularly brings me much enjoyment, I cannot remember the last time I even experienced that emotion. I do try to distract myself but that is just to pass the time and I just look forward to sleep. Life is just essentially waiting around for death really. I see no meaning or purpose to any of it.
 
demuic

demuic

Life was a mistake
Joined
Sep 12, 2020
Messages
829
Gaming, reading manga and novels. Unfortunately I can't really watch anything like shows or movies anymore because of attention issues, but when I could those also helped.

Without these things I would definitely have lost my mind.
 
B

baronessvon

Member
Joined
Feb 15, 2021
Messages
9
I like board games, especially the BoardGameGeek forums. My family doesn’t tend to play them with me, and, speaking generously, I only have one friend.

I really love spiders. I often watch them and let them crawl all over me and protect them from other people killing them.
 
Grumpy Bear

Grumpy Bear

Member
Joined
Jul 21, 2021
Messages
9
Almost nothing now. Used to love hiking and now I can’t walk. Used to have friends but they all gave up on me and now I barely have acquaintances. Drugs and alcohol used to be a thrill but I mostly gave those up as they were making my life EVEN WORSE. Music is all I can think of that gives me pleasure.
 
S

suisuiforum

Member
Joined
Jul 4, 2021
Messages
25
nobodyspecial said:
Suicide is all I think about. I enjoy nothing in this life anymore.

I don't know if it's just me, but DAE also find learning about suicide to be actually enjoyable sometimes? It's interesting to examine it from all the different disciplines, from philosophical to biochemical, or maybe my tastes are far too morbid lol
 
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paulstrong

paulstrong

Arcanist
Joined
May 5, 2020
Messages
435
suisuiforum said:
I don't know if it's just me, but DAE also find learning about suicide to be actually enjoyable sometimes? It's interesting to examine it from all the different disciplines, from philosophical to biochemical, or maybe my tastes are far too morbid lol
I just like the thought of being able to self destruct any time I chose. I would only do it when I felt that the time was right though. I wouldn't want to be too impulsive about it because I am not really reckless that way. There is no coming back either.
 
ceasetobreathe

ceasetobreathe

Moderator
Joined
Dec 20, 2019
Messages
6,747
I once had a huge passion for writing (more specifically, poetry). I would even say that I was fairly good at it and I'm not someone who likes to acknowledge my strengths. I don't want others to think that I'm cocky -- it is good to know what you're good at.

I wouldn't say that I enjoy writing as much as I used to now. It takes too much to put a piece that I love and value together so I don't bother anymore. Issues with motivation, attention, and perfectionism don't help either. I like to spend my time in the chatroom here and it does help to distract from suicidal ideation. The conversations vary and are about anything, really. I'm very bad for maladaptive daydreaming which I think is my way of escaping current circumstances and I spend a lot of my day doing it for long periods at a time. When I go into these daydreams, I like to listen to music and take walks. As nice as they can be (a huge part of me does enjoy it), it can make things worse to get a grasp on reality for me. As for things that bring me joy, definitely you guys, frozen vanilla chai's, and seeing people genuinely happy. I find it hard to believe that anybody's genuinely happy which worsens my mood when I do give it thought. I know it hurts some people to see others happy (nothing wrong with that since I do understand) but I can't imagine someone feeling and thinking similar to the ways that I do. It makes my existential crisis worse.
 
SuicidalAgain

SuicidalAgain

Member
Joined
Sep 9, 2020
Messages
48
Games and my pets, basically they're the only things that can distract me. Sleeping is also nice, but for me it's not reliable unless I take medication which I prefer not to as my energy levels are already as low as can be...
 
E

everydayiloveyou

Experienced
Joined
Jul 5, 2020
Messages
230
suisuiforum said:
I don't know if it's just me, but DAE also find learning about suicide to be actually enjoyable sometimes? It's interesting to examine it from all the different disciplines, from philosophical to biochemical, or maybe my tastes are far too morbid lol
totally agree. It feels liberating to know that it can be an option and the ways you can prepare for it. Plus it can help remind you of all the things you still want to be around for. Then there's also the reassurance that it's not just weak-will or selfishness, it's so much more complicated.

Remembering that it's a valid choice that we're all free to make helps a lot with my mental illness. It's also interesting to hear the other perspectives and the data on it as well. People often think that suicide is senseless and have all these other assumptions about suicide and depression. You get a different perspective once you see all the other people just like you who feel like they need to make this decision for all sorts of reasons, and how mental illness or circumstance has affected their quality of life.
 
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