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ikuchan

ikuchan

ying
Aug 28, 2018
23
my little brother looks up to me like i invented fortnite or some shit. i don't deserve it but it makes sense, i've practically raised him after all. i often cooked his meals because no one else was available. i helped him with almost all of his homework because our immigrant parents couldn't understand. and being the only family member he has that he can actually have a conversation with (where the other party doesn't instantly dismiss you or throw it back in your face), i know my presence is important.

our relationship is far from perfect but i feel like he needs me to be here for him - to be his friend as well as guidance. but despite this knowledge, i know i can no longer continue living for others (not even for him). on my planned date in the near future, i'll do it and immense guilt washes over me at what life will be like at home for him when i'm gone.

more than anything it agonizes me that i won't be able to protect him and i won't be able to see what kind of person he grows up to be. i've always wanted nothing more for him to achieve a future i will never have: to be successful, to be content, to be happy.

but what if me dying messes everything up? what if he ends up just like me?
 
C

Ccre

-
Sep 11, 2018
29
I hear that. I practically raised all of my siblings. So much so they got confused and would call me mum. I don’t live at home now but they have a better experience...I think you could express (if you leave a note) your parents effect in your decision to ctb. And they might just regret it enough to treat him better...I think that’s what happened with my family...they were worried to lose all their children